I understand you are here because you want to learn how to get your ex back. But before we get into the whole process, it is important to dispel some of the common myths that are circulating on the Internet.
Put it this way. Believing in those myths can actually hurt your relationship. You can end up hurting yourself and your ex.
Myth # 1: No Contact Will Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You
If you have been searching for information on how to get back together with your ex lover, you are probably no stranger to this concept of no contact.
There are so many relationship blogs out there recommending no contact as a way to get your ex boyfriend to miss you. Sure, your boyfriend may miss you. But you won’t know how long it is going to take.
Not all men will miss their ex after 30 days. Some can take 3 months, 6 months or even a year. He may also move on and forget about you.
In fact, I have written an article about why it is not a good idea to make your boyfriend miss you using no contact. I encourage you to read this article before you use no contact for the wrong reasons.
Myth # 2: No Contact Is Working If Your Boyfriend Contacts You First
I have seen similar types of comments so many times.
“No Contact works! My boyfriend contacted me after 3 weeks of NC. We got back together but we broke up again soon after.”
Many people say NC works for them because their ex contacted them after a few weeks. Well, just because your boyfriend contacted you doesn’t mean no contact is working. After all, you want to get your ex back permanently and keep him forever.
Getting back together and breaking up again soon usually means people are using no contact for the wrong purpose, to manipulate an ex. This doesn’t get to the real reasons behind the breakup. That is why the relationship doesn’t last even if they do get back together. Sooner or later, the breakup is going to happen again.
In fact, the only reason to use no contact is to heal and work on yourself. It is not to make your ex boyfriend miss you or contact you first.
If you are only using no contact as a way to heal and work on yourself, you don’t even have to worry about whether it is working. As long as you start to feel better, you know it is working because that is the purpose of no contact in the first place.
No contact should not be a way to get your ex back. It is only a step to get your ex back. We will discuss this in more details below.
Myth # 3: Your Ex Will Not Move On During No Contact
Many relationship experts claim that your ex will not move on when you are implementing the no contact rule. This is not always true, especially if you handle the situation wrongly.
What you need to understand is that every relationship is unique. Sometimes, it is a good idea to implement no contact if you think you need the time to heal or maybe both of you are too angry to talk to each other at the moment. However, there are times when no contact is a bad idea.
There are many people who have lost their relationship for good because they follow the no contact rule to the letter. If your ex wants to keep in touch with you but you insist on following the no contact rule and ignoring him completely, your ex may simply decide to move on because he thought you have already moved on.
If you really need the time to heal, here is a better approach. Just tell your ex that you are very happy to hear from him and you really love to talk to him again in the future. But right now, because of all the things that have happen so far, it is probably best for both of you not to contact each other for a while. Tell him that you will get back to him once you feel better.
As long as you are tactful in your approach, you don’t have to worry about pushing him away.
There are a number of benefits to this approach.
First, it doesn’t make you look needy or desperate.
Second, you are not playing mind games with him.
Third, he won’t think that you have moved on.
So you have the chance to use no contact to heal without pushing him away.
Of course, don’t be too rigid about it. Different situations require different approaches. Let say you have kids with your ex, obviously you can’t strictly adhere to no contact. Or maybe there is death in your ex’s family. You don’t want to be mean and just focus on healing yourself and ignoring him.
Myth # 4: There Are Dirty Psychological Tricks You Can Use To Get Your Ex Back
There is no place for dirty psychological tricks in a healthy relationship. Sure, those tricks may work in the short run, mostly on people who are insecure, but they are not going to work in the long run.
In fact, implementing those dirty psychological tricks may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
With all that said, let us get into the actual steps of getting your ex back.
Step 1: Manage Your Expectation
Before embarking on any important journey in your life, it is always a good idea to know what to expect so that you are not thrown off by surprises and you are prepared to deal with the challenges ahead.
Getting your boyfriend back is definitely important to you. After all, if things go well, this man can become your husband in the future.
So let us talk about what you should expect if you decide to save your relationship.
Also, you may want to read this article. There are people who told me that this is best get your ex back article they have ever read.
You May Not Get Your Boyfriend Back
First, you need to accept the possibility that you will never get him back. When I wrote this guide, my intention is to help you get your ex back permanently, without playing mind games or using manipulation tactics.
However, no one can promise you that you will definitely get your ex back. My intention for writing this guide is not to give you false hope, but to increase your chances of getting your ex back for good.
It Can Take A Long Time For You To Get Your Ex Back Especially After A Really Bad Break Up
I know you really want to get your ex back fast and right now. However, there are no magic pills when it comes to saving a relationship. Don’t believe in any claims that say you will win him back within 7 days, 14 days or any numbers for that matter.
Sure, you may have heard of couples who got back together within days or even on a single date. However, you need to remember that every situation is different.
If you realize that you are making good progress with your ex but are still not officially back together, do be patient. After all, Rome is not built overnight.
In fact, it is actually better for you to do it slowly so that you actually have enough time to change the relationship dynamics before getting back together.
Why is that important?
Because if both of you get back together too quickly without changing the relationship dynamics, the reunion is probably not going to last. Before you know it, he is going to break up with you again because he realized that nothing has changed.
That is why patience is extremely important.
You Can Get Hurt During The Process
Let’s put it this way. If you really want to get your ex back no matter what, you need to assume that you want him back more than he wants you back. In other words, you need to be the one doing most of the work to save the relationship.
I know this sounds hard. But you can learn to look at it more positively. This mean you are taking control of your relationship. You are actually taking action to fight for your happiness.
I understand that you are a woman. As a woman, you probably expect your ex boyfriend to contact you first. But you need to remember this. The relationship dynamic is very different now. It is not like when he was first pursuing you.
Sure, there is always the possibility that your boyfriend will contact you first. But what if he doesn’t? Are you going to wait forever?
There is always the possibility of getting rejected and hurt if you are the one initiating contact. However, there may be a greater reward waiting for you at the other side, which is true love. After all, no pain, no gain. If you want true love, you need to be willing to show your vulnerable side.
Step 2: Healing Yourself
Before you even try to contact your ex, make sure you are not an emotional wreck. When you are too emotional, you will tend to do all kinds of things that will push your ex away.
How Do You Start The Healing Process?
Well, the way to do so is through no contact. Basically, that means no calling, texting, sending emails or any other forms of contact. During no contact, you should work on the skills mentioned in this article.
As mentioned above, no contact can be considered as a step for getting your ex back. Basically, you need this step to heal yourself first before you are ready to talk to your ex again.
However, it should not be considered as a way to get your ex back. Implementing no contact is not going to help you get your ex back automatically. Don’t try to use no contact to manipulate your boyfriend or to make him miss you.
In fact, I have written about the consequences of using no contact for the wrong reasons. You can read more about the consequences here.
What If No Contact Is Impossible?
Sometimes, it is just not possible to implement no contact due to various reasons. Maybe you are working in the same place. Maybe both of you have kids.
If that is the case, just keep in limited contact with them. Try to be as friendly as you can be. You don’t want to be nasty or simply ignore them. If you do so, your ex will think that you are immature and that is definitely not going to help you get him back.
On the other hand, you don’t want to be overly friendly or talk too much about your relationship right now. If you are still emotional over the break up, that will show during your conversation and it may push your ex away.
How Long To Keep In No Contact?
You have probably seen many websites recommending at least 30 days. Personally, I do not believe in such a rule because every relationship is unique. In fact, for certain situations, sticking to 30 days or more of no contact can actually hurt the relationship more than it helps.
After all, no contact is meant to be a tool to heal yourself. Some people are just better at handling their own emotions after a breakup. If you are already feeling better after a few days and you really know what you want, you can go ahead and contact your ex.
However, if you are still extremely emotional even after 30 days, then it is better for you to stay in no contact.
What If Your Ex Contact You During No Contact?
Don’t be rude. Don’t ignore them. Make sure you give them a reply.
Some experts may advise you to ignore your ex completely during the no contact period. This is very dangerous. Your ex may think that you are immature or you are simply playing mind games with them.
Many people have lost their relationship for good because they are going overboard with the no contact rule. It is usually not a good idea to take things to the extreme.
If you still need some time to heal yourself and think about the relationship, just let your ex know in your reply. Use the approach mentioned earlier in this article under Myth 3.
Your Ex Is Also Using The Internet To Learn How To Get You Back!
You are reading this now because you are using the Internet to learn how to get your ex back. If you can do so, don’t you think that your ex may be doing the same thing?
That is why I do not encourage you to play mind games with your ex. Your ex may know what you are trying to do to him. Imagine how he is going to react if he knows you are playing mind games on him and toying with his feelings.
That is why if he contacts you during the no contact period, you shouldn’t ignore him completely.
Step 3: Contact Your Ex
Hopefully by now, you are feeling much better. If that is the case, you can start contacting your ex.
You are probably wondering how you should contact your ex. Is it a good idea to write a letter? How about a text message? Maybe it is better to contact him through Facebook? Or should you just call him straightaway?
Well, there is no hard and fast rule for this. After all, you know your ex best. How did you contact each other when you were still together with your ex. Do you call or text more often?
Sometimes, it is also about personal preferences. Perhaps your ex is someone who prefers talking over the phone. If that is the case, you can consider calling him.
Of course, it is also about you. After all, it can be intimidating for you to initiate that first contact. If you feel uncomfortable using the phone right now or is afraid that you will say the wrong thing, you can use text message instead. At least, you will have the time to think about what you want to say.
Obviously, you can’t get your ex back if you are still in panic mode. That is why I created the Calm Down Newsletter to help you relax.
Once you signed up, I will send you an exercise that you can start practicing today. If you have the discipline to pratise the exercise for at least 5 minutes every day, you will be in a much better place emotionally 30 days from now.
The faster you heal, the faster you can start contacting your ex and get him back. So sign up below to get started.