Recently, I saw 2 comments on my blog that is related to the topic above.
So I decided to create a post to address this topic.
Here are the 2 questions:
1. Hello, I was wondering. My boyfriend broke up with me because his family are racist, and would never accept me. we wasn’t together for that long, so of course, he wouldn’t be willing to become ostracized from his family for me at this point. What would my affirmations be? I want to do everything I can to get him back!
2. Hi Mark,
I have faced the situation as the comment above. However, my ex-bf’s mother didn’t like me at the beginning, even we never met before. And after breaking up for 3 months, I found out that It also came from my personality as well. But the difference race and family background are the most important. You know, when people don’t like you at the first place whatever you do is always wrong. I was not that good girl but now I realized that what I should do.
Any suggestion for that?
Thanks in advance
Who Should Read This:
My answer is not just relevant to racist situation.
Basically, if your boyfriend is not on your side, this article will be relevant to you.
Here is my answer:
If you are in similar situation, the first question you need to ask yourself is this:
Is your boyfriend on your side?
If he is, then the relationship is worth saving. If he isn’t, you should think twice.
The fact that your boyfriend has broken up with you probably means he is not on your side. That is why he is now your ex.
This is a very big problem.
Let me use an analogy here:
A relationship is just like an enemy. Yes, I know this is not the most appropriate analogy but I hope it can help you see what you are getting yourself into.
I am sure you agree with me that even without other enemies, building a great relationship is already not easy. Let’s add your boyfriend’s family into the equation.
Now, you are fighting against 2 enemies, the relationship and your boyfriend’s family.
I am sure you can see how hard this battle can be. If your boyfriend is on your side, this battle can be won with the right strategies in place.
But what if your boyfriend is not on your side but choose to side with his family instead?
Now, you are fighting against 3 enemies!
Even if you manage to win this battle, you are going to be seriously wounded (resentment, disappointment, anger, helplessness, unhappiness and a whole lot of negative emotions).
I don’t know about you. If I have a choice, I wouldn’t want to fight this battle. I would rather fight another battle where I know my partner will be on my side.
The fact is, if your boyfriend is on your side, it is probably not going to seriously affect his relationship with his family. They are his family after all.
On the other hand, if your boyfriend is not on your side, it is definitely going to affect your relationship with him. You are going to resent him. Yet, you can’t really blame him because you chose to fight this battle when you have the choice not to.
At the end of the day, you want to date a man who can make his own decision and will protect you. You don’t want to date a mummy’s boy.
If you are in similar situation, you should only consider staying in the relationship if your boyfriend is on your side.
When both of you are working together, you can overcome any obstacles. When you are working alone, the relationship is probably doom from the start. Most probably, you are more into him than he is into you.
I know it is not easy for you to let go. You are trying to get your ex boyfriend back because you love him. But does he love you? You should think long term. One year later, if your boyfriend is still not supporting you, how would you feel? You will be filled with resentment rather than love.
Also, try not to give your ex boyfriend excuses. Don’t say something like “he is not on my side because we were together for only a short time”.
The beginning of a relationship is usually the honeymoon phase. If he is not siding with you now, he is probably not going to even after a long time together. In fact, the situation may become worse.
So move on fast. You are probably going to feel lousy for a few weeks but don’t worry. You should recover in a few weeks time.
If you are in a similar situation but still believe that your relationship is worth saving, then sign up for my newsletter below. I believe with the information I share with you in my newsletter, you are going to stand a much better chance to get your ex back.