How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous Like Crazy

If you are trying to make your ex boyfriend jealous, you have come to the right place.

At least, I can intercept you before you either do permanent and irreparable damage to your relationship (worst case scenario) or simply wasted your time doing something that will not help you get your ex back.

Seriously, what are you thinking? What are you trying to accomplish?

I am going to make an assumption here. You are either:

1) Trying to take revenge and get back at your ex.

or

2) Trying to get him back.

or

A little bit of both.

 

If You Are Trying To Get Back At Your Ex

I hope I can convince you to just let it go. Just forget about it.

After all, you are not going to accomplish anything meaningful by taking revenge. So why waste your precious time and energy on that?

Think of it this way. If a man makes you feel so much hatred that you have to get back at him, then he is probably a jerk.

If he is really a jerk, then you shouldn’t allow him to take up any more of your time. The best way to get revenge is to be the best woman you can be, lead a meaningful life and be happy so that he will regret dumping you.

Of course, you are really doing it for yourself rather than to make him regret breaking up with you.

I believe you are a bigger woman than that, aren’t you? You can forgive and let go right?

 

If You Are Trying To Get Your Ex Back

Then it is even more important that you don’t try to use jealousy to get him back.

Why?

Well, for several reasons.

 

1. It Only Works On Men With Low Self Esteem

In general, men who are emotionally mature and secure in themselves do not like to get involved in jealousy or any types of mind games.

Only those with low self esteem are likely to fall for your trick.

So if you are wondering whether jealousy can really help you get your ex back, here is the answer.

Yes, jealousy can work sometimes, especially if your ex boyfriend lacks emotional maturity and has low self esteem.

And that brings us to the next point.

answers

2. It Doesn’t Get To The Root of the Problem

Even if you do manage to get your ex boyfriend back using jealousy, the relationship is probably not going to last.

Before you know it, he is going to leave you again.

Why?

Because jealousy doesn’t get to the root of the problem.

Once he get back together with you, he will realize that nothing has changed.

So what is the logical conclusion?

Well, he will want to break up with you again and you end up in an on-again off-again relationship.

 

3. The Motivation Is Wrong

And let’s not forget that he is getting back together with you for the wrong reason.

When you use jealousy on your ex boyfriend and it “works”, he is simply trying to salvage his fragile ego.

He just can’t stand to lose to another man. Once he won the game (managed to get you back), his fragile ego is satisfied.

As mentioned earlier, jealousy doesn’t get to the root of the problem. Therefore, he no longer has a reason to stay in the relationship.

 

4. It Can Backfire On You

Perhaps you decided to make your ex boyfriend jealous on Facebook by posting a photo of you with another guy.

Before you go ahead and do that, make sure you are aware of the consequences.

Maybe your ex boyfriend is trying to get back together with you initially. However, when he sees the photo, he thought you have moved on. Therefore, he decided that it’s time for him to move on too.

Or maybe he is really jealous. Hence, he decided to take a photo with another girl and post it on Facebook too. Now, it becomes a tug of war.

Your initial intention is to draw him closer. Instead, you pushed him further away. It backfires on you big time.

 

5. You May End Up Hurting Another Person

Maybe you decided to date another person or even get into a rebound relationship to make your ex jealous.

This can really hurt an innocent third party. You are not going to do that right?

 

6. It Is Really Pathetic

I think it is really pathetic if you have to resort to jealousy in order to get your ex back.

Put it this way.

Life is already challenging enough without all these nonsense.

Relationship is supposed to be a safe haven where you can take refuge in after a long and tiring day, be loved, get emotional support and recharge your energy so that you are ready to get out and take on the world again.

Imagine that you already have a very stressful job where you constantly have to plot and scheme in order to survive the office politics.

After that, you still have to think of ways to keep your ex boyfriend jealous so that he will continue to stay with you.

Alright, maybe you are still young. So you have a lot of energy to spare.

But what are going to do when you are in your seventies or eighties?

Will you still have the energy to play with jealousy or any kind of mind games?

Seriously, what kind of relationship is that?

Don’t you think it is really pathetic?

I don’t know about you. But I would rather be single than to be in that kind of relationship.

 

The Decision Is Completely Yours

Hopefully, after reading this article, you will not try to use any type of mind games to get your ex back.

Of course, it is totally up to you. If you still decide to do so, I am not going to stop you. Not that I can anyway.

At the end of the day, it is your own relationship. So go ahead and do whatever you want.

The purpose of writing this article is just to let you know the possible consequences so that you can make an informed decision.

I do hope you will at least think twice before you use jealousy on your ex.

 

Do You Want To Get Your Ex Back In A Healthy Way?

If you do, I will be sharing with you more tips on how to save your relationship without playing mind games.

I will also be sharing with you some hard to find but critical information you need to know.

This can save you months of frustration.

Sign up for my newsletter below so that I can start sending you the tips.

29 thoughts on “How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous Like Crazy

  1. So my boyfriend and I of 2.5 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago. He told me that he wanted time and space away from me bc our relationship is stressing him out. He said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me right now and we should just be friends. He said he’s invested so much time on me that he just wants to focus on himself and his career right now. Also he is going to be relocated a place on the other side of the USA for his job internship. One of reasons why he broke up with me was bc I was very insecure about myself and was afraid of what his friends and family thought of me so I always avoided meeting them. This was disrespectful towards him because his family and friends would always ask why I am and he would have to say I’m busy. In the beginning I wasn’t in control of my emotions and kept contacting him and doing things I am not proud of. I kept doing things trying to pull him back. It was to be extent that he had to defriend me on Facebook. But after a week I realized that that wasn’t gonna work. Afterwards I’ve started meditating and going to yoga. We’ve been NC for about 3 weeks before he contacted me saying that ever since we broke up I started doing things he used to asked me to do but I never did. He also said ever since broke up I’ve been doing things backwards and he says I’m confusing him. I told him I’m the one who is confused bc we haven’t been in contact how does he know I do things backwards? Whatever that means. I asked him why he is confused and he kept saying never mind so I let him be. And then a day later he told me a new song he’s been listening and we had a short conversation. Then he asked how have I been and I said I’ve just been focusing on college and work. All of this was on Facebook messaging. Later that night he texted messaged me if I was going to be free the day afterwards and before I could respond he texted me wait nvm. I’m confused. We haven’t talked for 2 days now.
    I have also been practicing awareness ad acceptance and meditating daily. Also working on my confidence since being insecure was one of the reasons why he lost the emotional connection with me.
    Is there anything else I should be doing to be on the right track in getting my ex back? Also we have mutual friends so we might be seeing each other in the next month or so, do you have any suggestions? He says being friends is the only way for us to hang together without being awk in front of our other friends.

    • He asked you whether you will be free the day after probably because he is thinking of meeting you. However, last minute, he changed his mind probably because he was uncertain how the meeting will turn out.

      That is considered normal during the initial stages of a breakup. Why? He is probably afraid that you will talk about the relationship or getting back together. So do take note of that. Next month if you do meet him, don’t talk about the relationship or getting back together.

      Keep on working on yourself and be patient. I believed you have subscribed to my newsletter. Look out for the email on 5 stages of getting your ex back. It will give you information on what to do and what not to do during each stage.

      You are now at stage 1. He is still resisting you. That is why you shouldn’t talk about the relationship or getting back together now. Otherwise, he will resist you more.

      • Thanks so much mark! We have been messaging and he’s feeling me some of his feelings about going so far away for this internship. He’s going to away for a year. Do you think it’s possible for us to get back together at the end of summer? Bc I know that once he leaves it will be almost impossible for us to work out!

  2. Hey mark,
    My story is really unique and I really appreciate you for your time and efforts with helping me out on this.
    My ex and I were dating a little more than a year. We were serving together in the army, (i am from israel) so we were seeing each other every day, and spent most of our time together. I was always there when he needed me, and we had each other’s back most of the time. The problem was, that when times were good- it was extremely good, and when times were bad- it was always the worst case senecio. We’ve been through a lot- he was flirting with this girl behind my back for some time, talking to her all the time and trying to get in her pants. When i found out about it, long time after it happened, he was so sorry and begged me to stay. I did, and he showered me with love and affection. Things were good again but i couldn’t trust him, i hated him for lying to me, for smoking weed behind my back, being with his friends all the time.. We just couldn’t stop fighting.yet i loved him so much and thought he is my one.
    Growing up with divorced parents and abusive father, i had my own problems. I had the urge to lie all the time, i was making up stories to my ex about having so many friends myself and going on with them when i was basically at home. I didn’t want to look like a loser.
    The fights were so often we started to break up and be in on again off again relationship for 2 months.
    Then he told me he’s going abroad for a month and half with his friends. I was broken, being so mad and afraid of loosing him- l lied pathetically about being pregnant and then about doing abruption all alone. He acted like a jerk because he knew i was lying, and ignored me. I was desperate and cried all the time. I was brave enough to write him via whatsapp about all my lies. I came clean, told him how sorry i was fir everything. He was disappointed yet soft with me, and acted as if he forgives me. Yet when we met up he convinced me to sleep with him and left me the next day. I was so hurt, and he left me no choice but the breakup. Then he went on his trip. We haven’t talked for 1 month and half and when he returned i sent him a massage. I felt different, more mature and calm than before. I did change. But he was still mad and tried to pick up a fight, when I showed him i am not willing to fight.. He became softer and told me he missed me. For two weeks he was chasing me, we were talking a little and he wanted us to meed. When we did, he kissed and hugged me but i wouldn’t let him do anything else. The second time we met, we slept together. Then when he drove home i texted him that i do have feelings and i can’t do it anymore..that i cant sleep with him without wanting him to be more than that. I told him that i am sorry for all that i did.
    But
    He wrote back that he does not love me anymore, that we will never get back together.
    Heck, he wrote he doesn’t feel anything towards me, may be some lust but nothing more.
    And he asked me not to talk to him anymore. To delete his number, to forget something has ever happened between us.
    Yet he is still so mad about everything, and when we were together he was touching lovingly kissing my forehead and cheeks. Hugging me close.
    I am confused. We haven’t spoken since then, it’s been a week.
    And i don’t know what to do. I know i love him, but the case just seems hopeless and i want him back I really do yet no approach is working..

  3. Hi Mark! I love all your articles – very different from all the other ones I read on the Internet on the subject!

    Ok, so my ex was the best bf any girl could ever dream of having. He always put my happiness above his and was always going out of his ways to make me feel loved and safe. We were so in love (or so I was told?). We prayed together we went to church together we had so much fun together. We talked about marriage and had plans of building a future together although it had only been three months. However, during the third month I started becoming very demanding and needy, I would sulk and get upset about the littlest things every time we went out. I abused and took advantage of his patience and wanted to see how much he could put up with. And because I was so afraid of losing him I would just hold on tighter. In the end as much as he adored me, he just decided he couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with me in an email. He said he felt I needed him or a “bf” for validation (which is true) and he “felt a weight of pressure that he couldn’t shoulder.” He also said I need to love myself and accept God’s love first before I can go into a relationship. I didn’t reply to that email (what could I possibly say?) and have remained in no contact since. I didn’t beg or cling. I just vanished from his life without saying a word. Today is the seventh day since our breakup and no contact and last night he emailed, after six days of no contact, saying he hadn’t heard from me and wondered if I were ok. Should I reply? Or would it undo all the hard work I’ve put into remaining in no contact? And I guess what I wanted to ask is, given the way I acted during the last month of our relationship, what are the chances of him coming back (given I’ve taken the time to work on my insecurities and get over the resentment of being abandoned)? Your insights are greatly appreciated Mark! :)

    • You should definitely reply him. Just say something along the line of you are alright and that you have been thinking about what he said for the past few days and realize that he is right. You can also briefly apologize for your behavior and how much hurt you must have cause him.

      Then you can tell him that you would love to catch up with him again in the near future (keep the door open) but right now, you really need some time to heal, work on yourself and reflect on what you have done in the past etc.

      I do not recommend flat out ignoring your ex. That is a sign of immaturity and it just shows your ex that you haven’t changed. How is that going to inspire your ex to want you back? I hope that make sense. No contact should not be used as a strategy to manipulate your ex. That is a mind game and mind games are definitely not the foundation of a healthy relationship.

      So, what you need to do after that is to make good use of this time to really heal, work on yourself and become a better person. Work on the skills mentioned in this article such as awareness, acceptance and communication.

      Also, take the time to educate yourself on the proper approach to take in order to get your ex back. You can consider signing up for my newsletter. In my newsletter, I share a lot of important information everyone needs to know in order to increase their chances of getting their ex back.

      For example, on Day 11 of my newsletter, I share with you some videos about the 5 stages of getting your ex back. You need to know this information so that you know what to do and what not to do during each stage of getting your ex back. Knowing this information will help you avoid a lot of unnecessary mistakes.

      Your chances of getting him back depends entirely on you. It is definitely important to work on your insecurities and get over your resentment. But it takes more than that to get him back. You need to develop real skills such as the ones I mentioned in this article.

      Also, I will just give you a little nugget of tip here.

      When it comes to communication skills, many people will automatically think of communicating with others. But don’t forget that you are communicating with yourself all the time too. If you can’t even communicate with yourself in an effective way, how are you going to do so with others such as your ex?

      Look at the word you are using. You use this word “abandoned”. It has a very negative connotation. You make it seem as though your ex owes you something. Basically, you are attaching your own meaning to the breakup. As long as you hold on to this word “abandoned”, you will continue feeling resentment and find it very hard to heal.

      So one of the skills you have to practise is to learn how to look at things as they are without attaching your own meaning to it. For example, if your ex didn’t reply your text messages, just say your ex didn’t reply your text messages. Don’t automatically say your ex is ignoring you.

      When you use the word “ignore”, it has a negative connotation and it can make you panic for no valid reason and cause people to react like texting an ex one hundred times etc.

      On the other hand, when you simply look at things at they are and say, “Oh my ex didn’t reply my text messages”. Suddenly, a lot of options are available to you. You start to think, “maybe he is busy” or “maybe he didn’t see my text message” etc. You won’t jump to conclusion and panic.

      You can stay more calm and come up with a better solution. Maybe you can send a text like “Hey, I sent you a message a while ago and didn’t receive your reply. Just want to check whether you are alright.”

      When you learn to look at things as they are without attaching your own meanings to it, you will tend to get better results because you will be able to come up with more and better solutions.

      So I hope this little nugget of tip is useful to you. Stop using the word “abandoned”. If you want to learn more nugget of tips, you can sign up for my newsletter.

    • If you don’t mind me asking how did this go through? I pushed my bf away for the same reasons and it’s been three days since I last saw him to get my things.

  4. Dear Mark,

    Me and my “ex” had a relationship for about 4 years, 2 were long distance and the other 2 were together. The last year we became engaged. Last year around this time I decided I would move to where he lives, 8 hours away from my home and attend college, and move into a small apartment with him which was a new experience with both of us, he had never lived by himself before. Recently we came to a very rough spot in our relationship where I noticed he was kind of flirting with a girl and addressed him about it several times. He would get upset i thought he would cheat on me and explained he would not, but I still could not help worrying. Eventually I asked his mom and sister in law for advice, which helped slightly, but his entire family began talking about it and got into an argument about it which really upset nick and made nick’s family upset at him.
    Obviously I regret ever doubting his reassurance, but I couldn’t help but feel insecure because this isn’t the first time he’s been unsure about me because of another girl. In fact he has broken up with me 3 other times, 2 of them regarding vague issues. But he always has wanted me back. While all of this is happening he takes into consideration how i’m very homesick and sad frequently and unsure whether or not I want to stay where he lives forever as I have talked possibly about moving after I graduate, which I would want him to come with me. And also i have had finance issues and haven’t been able to give him the rent for a few months, even though I promised to start paying him this month when i got my funds up.
    I did not mean to disregard his feelings toward these things, I always want to discuss issues but toward the closing arguments he didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say though i’m willing to grow and improve for our relationship. We talked about it a lot one night and everything seemed to be on the road to improvement, he even said he didn’t want to break up and we both apologized. The next day he seemed unreasonably upset and after a short argument and my pleas he requested a break and asked that I move out. He gave me odd reasons like “you’re too dependent on me”, “i’m unsure about our future”, “you’re not helping me move on in life” among other things, all of which he has never really discussed, but all of which I told him I would like to help fix. I admit that things have gotten a little stagnant in our little apartment but I never thought it would be the deal breaker. He told me he let it build up on himself and though he said he loves me and still wants to be friends and talk, we should separate. It just seems odd to me how one night we’re fine then the next he instantly wants a break or break-up. When I asked which it was he told me he doesn’t know. It has been a few days since then and I just moved out and he shows no signs of regret, though he does still want to talk to me which i’m unsure if that would make things better or not since he wants apart from me.
    I’m sorry for the long story, i’m very heart broken, confused, and stuck in a place I’m very unfamiliar with and have no friends at. What do you think he could be thinking Mark? Thank you.

    • How old is he? If I am not wrong, both of you are in your early twenties? Is this his first relationship?

      It seems to me that he is just not ready to settle down and get married at this young age if my assumption about his age is not wrong. There is this possibility that he just wants to explore his options and maybe even date other girls, especially if this is his first relationship.

      If that is really the case, that explains why he is giving you very vague answers on why he wants to breakup with you. On the other hand, he also doesn’t want to lose you completely. That probably explains why he still wants to talk to you.

  5. I’ve been in a good-great relationship for 20 years. I(47) caught my boyfriend(62) 6 weeks ago through emails cheating with a women (58) where his business is in another state. He was angry that I snooped but I knew something was off & I’ve never done that before. There were a lot of tears & hugging on both of our parts He said it was going on for 3 months. I told him end it or I’m out. He asked me for 30 days to figure things out. He has been spending more time at his place of business & I’m assuming with her. After 3 – 4 weeks of not seeing him & limited contact he made plans to come see me to talk. In the meantime he referred to me as his girlfriend & said he missed me as well as other encouraging words. Although there were 2 conversations where he broke down crying where he couldn’t talk…. He came 3 days ago & we ended up in bed immediately & went to dinner as nothing was wrong. The next day I pushed him into conversation because I can’t be in limbo & wanted a conclusion. He hesitated & was rambling making no sense so I asked if he wanted to be single & he said yes. I was upset but accepting & we both cried & talked for a while. He also told me I added nothing to his life which was hurtful. We went to dinner which happened to be on our 20 year anniversary & when I reminded him he got upset & was pretty much teary eyed or crying the whole night. When we got back home I told him I was pissed that he led me on coming to stay for 2 days, having sex, and actually speaking of future plans but I accepted it was over & we will always be friends & love each other. He said I was in his heart, soul, & mind forever through much crying. You should know I live in a condo which is owned by him & he said I could have it. I told him I’d have to sell it because I can’t afford it & he’s ok with that. When it was time for him to leave he started crying again & I asked “friends”? & he said yes. I said I’ll contact a realtor to get things going & he said don’t do anything yet. I said what do you mean? He said again don’t do anything. He looked me in the eye & said I love you while crying hysterically & I asked then why are we doing this? He said he’s confused. He drove 2 hours to get home & called me crying saying it was the worst ride home. He called & texted again that night & called the next morning which is today. What do you make of this??? He knows my intentions are to work it out but I’m not smothering him or bringing up the affair.

    • Hi Janis, I would like to clarify one thing with you because I don’t want to jump to conclusion.

      You mentioned you have been with him for 20 years. That is a really long time. Throughout these 20 years, you have never thought about getting married?

  6. Hi, me and my boyfriend broke up 2 weeks ago after a 6 years of a relationship, he finished it completely out off the blue and I’m confused as he just says it’s over at the minute, he wants to be on his own! ! It was just so out of the blue!

    • Hmm, people don’t usually breakup out of the blue, especially for a relationship of many years. What do you think are the possible reasons? Perhaps you have already seen that coming but for some reasons just decided to push it aside? Or is he a non confrontational person? Therefore, even though there were things he didn’t like about the relationship, he decided to keep quiet about it until one day he couldn’t take it anymore and decided to leave?

    • Aw man! That SUCKS! My boyfriend did that. But he went on a little “play date” with his EX! Later that day he ended it with me. I was so heartbroken. Just the day before it was the first time we held hands. To have someone tell you they love you so much and then they leave hurts. Obviously he wanted his ex back.

  7. I gave my bf an ultimatum yesterday to get help for his mood issues or it was over, and he quickly decided to end it. He has very high anxiety and takes it out on me constantly. He is impatient and irritable all the time; we fight a lot because I am tired of being treated with disrespect. We are very much in love, but he has never been called out on his bs, so he gets very defensive about it. We tried therapy briefly. He has always been willing to start working on things, but quickly gets lazy and gives up, and I have to take the responsibility for our progress. Which means I have to bite my tongue and put up with a cranky attitude all the time. When he is relaxed and positive, we have almost NO problems. This tells me his attitude is a major issue. I have put up with a lot of crap and worked on my own issues (insecurity, anger, over-sensitivity) and am on mild antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds because i recognize my mood can be a problem.
    So, after his return to belittling, disrespectful, snarky behavior, I gave him the choice and he actually seemed relieved to end it. I talked with him for 5 minutes on the phone and he was very short and impatient with me. I said I wanted to be 100% sure we are really sticking with this because we have been on/off again many times. But never broken up more than maybe a day. We just get mad and then get over it and can’t stand to be apart. We are very much in love, but this distance because of our fights has really grown. And on the phone, I was trying to make sure we were really sure about it, and he said yes. And that it was too painful to talk, which is why he was being harsh with me. So, I made him promise to not contact me or change his mind, and I said I would not either. We go back and forth and nothing gets better, and I know it won’t work if he doesn’t get help. He agreed to never call me. We email because of a work relationship, and have exchanged one cordial “loose ends” email. I know I can’t call him. I left it up to him to break it off and he chose to do that, and I will not beg, especially since I frankly feel he should be begging me back and asking for forgiveness for his selfish behavior toward me. But I am not mad at all. I’m so so so sad, and I want him to call and feel the pain of missing me and be willing to do anything to get me back.
    I don’t know if that will happen though. Early in our relationship, he would do things like that if I got mad over being treated badly and dumped him. But lately, it feels like he is as tired as I am. Like he has given up. Maybe I have made it too easy for him not to change. I am way too forgiving. Very passive and let myself get run over a lot. I do know he loves me, but I am freaking out today because I normally expect to hear from him, and I feel like I know where his head is at. Not now, though. Do you think it sounds like he will contact me, and like maybe he would be willing to work on his issues? He fell very hard for me and has had jealousy issues in the past (though, I am so accommodating that I talked him through them and reassured him so well that he never worries anymore). I just want him to miss me and realize he made a mistake! I wanted a future with him, though I know it can’t work if he doesn’t stop taking his crappy moods out on me.
    Any insight would be helpful.

    • I think at this point, some time apart will be beneficial for both of you. Even if he calls you now and you get back together, the same problems still exist and eventually, you are going to break up again for the same reason.

      You have already tried your best. The ball is in his court now. Give him some time to experience what it is like without you. This will give him a new perspective and help him figure out whether he is better off with or without you.

      If he wants you back bad enough, he will get his issues sorted out. Otherwise, you can’t force someone to get help if they don’t want to.

  8. hi..i had a boyfriend for more than 3 years but we are on long distance relationship, but he broke up with me a week ago because he got mad at me for being so jealous when i saw a lady tagged her picture in his facebook account, i tried to message him many times an calls but he completely ignores me. He was my first man and we met twice already for that 3 years and had such a great time, we always communicate everyday until that day that he broke up with me and blocked me on his viber account as well as unfriended me on facebook..i don’t know anymore what to do, do u think he will contact me again and settle things? badly need advice

    • There seems to be a red flag in this relationship. You have been with him for more than 3 years but you only met him twice? Less than once per year? Is that what you really want in a relationship? I can understand that first love is usually the hardest to get over. However, you may want to take some time to seriously consider whether this relationship is really worth pursuing. Sometimes, you need to have the courage to let go of someone before a more suitable person can enter your life. Something you may want to think about.

  9. Hi Mark and thanks for the great content.
    Dated a very busy business man for 4.5 months. We connected very well..he said he loves me and I was patient with his schedule/ travelling.
    Recently told him that I’m looking for a serious relationship and he asked what that meant to me. It was late and we were tired and I told him that we can talk later about this.

    The following week he became very distant ( of course) and I initiated the messages. He said he was sick, and didn’t ask to meet for about 2 weeks! But I remained patient. Finally, he planned to to meet up but cancelled because he was sick. Again I kept cool and told him I’m here if he needs anything.Checked on him after a few days. Again, very distant.

    So I finally lost it later that night ( aug 11) . I sent him a message very similar to what Eric Charles ( relationship expert) had mentioned in his book which is creating a bubble of safety by being honest etc. I told him that something tells me that it may not be just work and maybe he doesn’t want me in his life. I told him how much I respected him, his work etc and that he was special to me. And I told him that I’m here if he wants me to and if not he can tell me. I didn’t criticize or blame him.

    He first replied saying that he’s thinking and digesting it. 2 days after he sent a cold/short message saying that it’s hard for him to stay healthy, run the business and have a relationship.

    I’m trying to accept and move on since he made it clear. But just want to know if that message was the deal breaker or eventually he would have left or led me on? I want to learn so i dont repeat the mistake. I was patient for more than 2 weeks and felt that it wasn’t fair to not know what’s going on.

    • No, I don’t think you did anything wrong by sending that message. In fact, it is a good thing that you have the courage to speak up and talk about your expectation.

      He has already made it clear that he can’t meet your expectation. This is good for you because you no longer have to waste time investing in a relationship that is not going to lead anywhere.

      Many women in similar situation as yours might be too afraid too rock the boat. As a result, they end up sticking to the relationship for years and not getting what they really want in a relationship. You should be proud of yourself by doing it early.

  10. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We were together for a year, and at the start of our relationship he just graduated from University and wanted to take a break before finding a real job in his field. He worked a crappy part time job that he didn’t care about and five months later, he started to interview for jobs in his field but no one took him and he stopped applying to jobs.

    We got along amazingly and I basically lived with him. Last month he began creating a website to show on interviews. He would work on it a couple of hours a day and then spend the rest of the day with me. He was on a 2 week vacation from his part time job, and on the first day of it we woke up and he worked on it the entire day. I was left alone in his room watching Netflix. When night time came I was fed up that he hasn’t even spoken to me or spent anytime with me at all for hours (over 10 hours!). I felt hurt because I wasn’t expecting it. I got upset with him and told him if I knew that he’d be on his site all day I would have gone home. It was the first time I really got upset with him. He told me it is very important that he gets it done because he really wants to find a job. I told him ok but I wish he warned me. He continued working on it (pulled an all nights), and I went to bed.

    The next night I saw him he was cold and distant. He told me we have communication issues and that I can be childish at times but not communicating properly. I apologized and told him I’ll work on it, and that I was sorry I got so upset the night before. I should have told him the moment it bothered me that he was on the computer, instead of waiting and blowing up at night. He looked hurt and upset and I thought he was going to break up with me but he didn’t.

    As his 2 week vacation went by, he constantly worked on his site, and I went to bed before him, woke up before him, went to work, went over to his place, and did my own thing there while he worked on his site. Sometimes he’s watch a movie with me or play videogames with his friends. I didn’t complain because I knew it was important to him, and i was being my cheerful happy self, but he was very cold and distant at first. He gradually warmed up as the vacation went by and I thought we were ok.

    Then on the last day of his vacation he turned cold again. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. The next day he told me not to come over after work because he wanted to be alone, and then he invited me over a few days later and broke up with me.

    He told me that this past year he has done nothing with his life (geez thanks!) and that he has become lazy, gained weight, and doesn’t have a career. He told me he needs to be alone to start fresh and get his life back on track and work on himself. I turned into a beggar and pleaded with him. I told him he can search for a job while still being with me. That I would give him more space so he can do what he needs to do. He mentioned that something was missing between us and it’s like we are friends who just hang out. I told him it’s because he has been busy on his site and we haven’t gone out on dates or spend really good quality time just the two of us paying attention to each other. He wanted none of it.

    That was 3 weeks ago. I ran into a week after he broke up and he mentioned he joined a gym and it dieting. I made the mistake of calling him the next day and telling him that I was happy to hear he already started working on himself and I hope he didn’t feel like he couldn’t go to the gym or eat healthy while he was with me. I asked if he was willing to work things out when he was ready. He said no he doesn’t see a future with me and not to wait for him. I have been in NC since, except yesterday when I texted him on his birthday. We had a pretty neutral conversation.

    My question is should I continue texting him casually? or should I give him more space and time to “work on himself.” I am not emotional anymore and have grown to accept the break up. I do want him back though. Do you think that is possible?

    • First, let’s talk about communication issues. As you know, in a relationship, it takes 2 hands to clap. You shouldn’t take all the blame. He could have done better by telling you in advance that he need to spend more time working on his website and worked out an alternative plan with you.

      With that said, you can’t really change another person. Therefore, the most constructive approach is to change yourself. You could definitely communicate better on that day instead of being upset with him. But don’t blame yourself for that. You didn’t know any better earlier.

      What is more important is that you managed to learn from your mistake so that you will not make the same mistake in the future if you face similar situation. I highly recommend that you check out this book Nonviolent Communication. You can pick it up for less than 10 bucks on Kindle, so I think it is definitely worth getting.

      The book will teach you how to communicate and properly express your feelings in similar situation so that you are much more likely to get your request met.

      As far as getting your ex back is concerned, I think you are asking the wrong question.

      Yes, his lack of direction in life has contributed to the breakup to a certain extent.

      However, I would say that the main reason for breaking up is the lack of relationship skills. Both of you didn’t have the relationship skills to make the relationship work.

      Obviously, you can’t force someone to learn relationship skills. So if you think this relationship is worth saving and you want to give it a shot, then you have to be the one to learn the skills.

      Just because you are no longer emotional anymore and have accepted the breakup doesn’t mean you are ready to get your ex back. If you still don’t know how to communicate properly, if you still don’t have the necessary relationship skills, then you are going to have a hard time getting your ex to open up.

      Even if you somehow manage to get back together with him again, the same problems will still be there. Therefore, it is not about giving him space to “work on himself”. Ideally, he should. But it is really more about you taking personal responsibility to work on yourself. Have you done so already?

      If not, you may want to read this article for more information on how to work on yourself.

  11. Sorry for my poor English as it is my second language. I just want to say you have some great advice here, Mark. I also like what you said on your other article about not using Facebook to get your ex back. Unfortunately, I found these 2 articles too late!

    I followed some crap advice on another website and take photos with another gal in order to make my ex girlfriend jealous. It blew up on my face and now she is ignoring me. Before that, she was still willing to talk to me.

    Have I blown up my chances? By the way, I have another question. I noticed your articles and newsletter are mainly written for women. Do they work for men too?

    • Don’t worry.

      I don’t think you have blown up your chances. She is probably just angry with you. However, no one stays angry forever. Give her some time to cool down.

      Yes, the articles on my website and the information I sent in my newsletter are relevant for both genders.

  12. Hi Mark,

    Came across your site a while back, and I have to say that I really like how you advise people against trying to play mind games, or act out of spite and try to hurt someone else – this article exemplifies this mindset. Your explanation of the goals of the No Contact Rule are really spot on as well, a lot of people think it’ll be the magic bullet that gets their ex back, but you really put it straight.

    • Thanks Dave. Glad you like it. Sometimes, intense emotions can cause people to do things they will regret later, like trying to make their ex jealous. So I hope if they manage to stumble on this article, it can make them think twice.

  13. Hi Mark, my ex boyfriend contacted me after 3 months of break up. Then he asked me how am i doing. He even call me of our endearment as if we were ok and nothing happened in the past (I mean the break up). My reply was very casual, short sentence. I’m trying to make him jealous by asking if he was the one I saw at the bar, then he asked who I was with. I said a friend. He also asked if I’m at home already after work then I said that I am not at home and I have something to do. Then i ended our conversation. Were my replies ok? He did not text me then after 2 days.

    • There is no point using jealousy tactics on him. Even if you manage to get short term results, it is not going to serve you in the long run.

      You want your ex to want you because of you. You don’t want your ex to want you because he is afraid of losing you. Very big difference here.

      Anyway, don’t worry too much about the text. Chances are, he may not even realize you are trying to make him jealous. Just avoid playing mind games in the future.

  14. Hey mark,
    I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago, we didn’t speak for about a month and a half, afterwards I saw him at school one day and we started talking. That same day we got drunk and well one thing led to another. Afterwards we started texting on a regular basis and seeing each other at school, and yes, there were some sexual encounters. When we first talked about what we were going to do, he said that he had to do a lot of work on himself and he needed to sort things out but that he would like to be friends who have feelings for each other and are seeing. When we were in the bedroom things were just like before, as if nothing had ever happened, afterwards he wasn’t cold or anything but it just wasn’t the same. Now he is saying that he really wants to get back together but in a future and he can’t tell me how much time. I have been pressing on the subject too much and I have also had breakdowns in front of him. Now sex is off the table and we basically decided to stay just as friends and take things really slowly.
    I don’t know what to do, I really love him, and I really want to be with him, but he seems like he doesn’t care. He would rather loose me then accelerate his prices of finding himself, at least that’s what it feels like. What should o do to get back with him?

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