Will He Come Back to Me? What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You

This is a rough one.

 

How to Get Him Back

You cannot always get him back after he dumps you. Sometimes, the breakup is best for both of you and your best bet is to do what you can to move on.

Okay, we’ve got the worst-case scenario out of the way. Now, let’s examine what to do in any situation except that one.

 

Ignore Him—at first

I just want to make it clear.

I am not telling you to flat out ignore your ex boyfriend or play mind games with him.

I am just telling you to ignore his behavior and what he says.

For example, if he tells you that he hates you and doesn’t want to get back together with you anymore, just take it with a grain a salt.

Why is that so? Well, you have to consider his emotional state when he is saying that. Most probably, he is still angry with you, that is why he is saying that to spite you. But you know what? Emotions are constantly changing.

Today, he may be angry with you. Tomorrow, he see a photo both of you took together and suddenly, he is no longer angry with you anymore. So his words, “I hate you and doesn’t want to get back together with you anymore” is no longer valid.

Also, don’t worry about his behavior. Don’t worry if he ignores you or go no contact on you.

Most guys go into No Contact mode when they break up with their girlfriends. It’s an ancient defense mechanism for guys who are unsure how to deal with certain emotions. Remember, guys don’t get to have emotions, most of the time: they’re either expected to be sexual robots primarily concerned with their WSWPH (Women Slept With Per Hour), or some kind of real-life version of Rambo. Neither of these has much room in it for being sad, or even conflicted, about a breakup.

His friends are not going to be any help in this department. They are going to believe that if he broke up with you, he had good reason—whether he did or not. They are also going to believe that if he decides that maybe he was wrong, it’s their job to talk him out of his “weak” moment (see how any conflicted emotions get quashed?) and back into his normal guy self. His “normal guy self,” at this point, includes lots of partying, outings with his buddies, hitting on as many women as possible, and lots of status updates about how super-fantastic everything is, and he is.

This is like twisting the knife in the wound for most women. The last thing in the world you want to see is your man leave you in a fiery, explosive breakup (where you both probably said a lot of nasty things you didn’t really mean), and then get right back up the next day and have everything in his life be awesome. But have faith—things are, as usual, not what they seem.

The more time he spends publicly announcing that things are great for him (and telling himself over and over that he feels awesome), the more he’s probably conflicted about the breakup. Guys all the time go out and sleep with as many women as they can, because they think that’s what they’d do if they were truly over you. They’re trying to convince themselves, and they’re probably trying to convince you, a little bit, too.

So you have to ride out this storm. It’s the roughest part of the whole game, but it’s also the most important. Calling him 57 times a day is the most surefire way to get rid of him forever.

answers

There are two reasons for this:

The first is that those 57 calls, whatever the voicemail messages might say, send one message loud and clear: desperate.

That’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s fundamentally important. And we have to take this brutal honesty thing one step further, here: would you really want to be with someone desperate? It’s not a very attractive quality. And, as we’ll explore in-depth below, you need to be as attractive as possible right now.

The second reason is that all those calls let your ex know that you are right there, a safe bet if he ever decides that he was wrong.

If, on the other hand, you are able to control yourself, calm down and reflect on what needs to be changed, you are going to have a better chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

 

Working On Yourself Is The Best Thing You Can Do

Have faith that it’s the best way to make him want you back. Pamper yourself. Go out with your girlfriends, get your nails done—go and do those ‘you’ things that have nothing to do with your ex, but that you truly enjoy. Spend a few weeks just focusing on being the best and most attractive person you can possibly be. Do what makes you feel good about yourself.

Of course, don’t just focus on those external things. What is even more important is the internal transformation as mentioned in this article.

Don’t keep on checking his Facebook profile. Don’t worry too much about whether he is going to come back or whether he is going to fall in love with another woman. Those are things out of your control anyway. Worrying about those things will not help you to bring him back.

Also, don’t worry too much about using Facebook to get your ex back. Don’t waste time updating your Facebook profile, hoping that this will help you get him back. You can have the best photos in your profile and maybe that will motivate him to get back together with you.

Unfortunately, the result is probably going to be short lived. After some time, once he realized that you are still the same old person and the relationship dynamics is still the same, the reasons for the breakup are still there, he is going to leave you again.

That is what we often call the on again, off again relationship. I am pretty sure that’s not the kind of relationship you are looking for. You are going to see much better results when you put in the effort to transform yourself inside out so that you can become a better person and create a different relationship dynamics with your ex.

 

After a While, Try Talking

But only a little! This is the second hard part. Once things have calmed down, and both you and he have had a chance to ride out that crazy emotional storm, you can try a quick hello. The best thing to do is just drop a line—“hey, it’s been a while. How are things going?” is normally enough. But personalize it for your own conversation style; remember, you already seduced this guy once. Just being you—that best version of you—is the best possible course of action for attracting him back.

 

Be Seductive

Getting a guy back after he dumps you is an art, not a science. You’ll have to make a lot of decisions for yourself. But that’s a good thing: guys don’t fall in love with formulas. They fall in love with girls. And the girls that men find most attractive are the ones that look and feel their best, whether the guy likes them or not. You may feel absolutely terrible, not only about what’s happened, but also about yourself. Getting dumped can make you feel pretty ugly and unattractive, but you know enough now to know better. If he didn’t find you attractive, he would not have started dating you in the first place. If the way he felt about you changed, it was because something in the relationship changed.

So go out there and be your absolute best self. Take the time to make you feel good about you: no formula you’re going to find on the Internet will be better than that for bringing your ex running.

And of course, remember to sign up for my newsletter below! I have a lot of good relationship saving information to share with you inside! 

287 thoughts on “Will He Come Back to Me? What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You

  1. Situation is I have been with this guy for 4 years and he suddenly dumped me. He never gave me a valid reason for the break up so I asked him why does he want to end the relationship. He told me because he wants to better himself.

    So I was ok. He said he’ll be back in a few months. I was puzzled. Then later come to he was living with some woman but he was still telling me how he wanna works things out and how I was the best thing that happened to him. But when that very woman found out about me and him having sex, he was very angry and told me to move on with my life like he wasn’t just telling me the day before who he loved me.

    But then after I talked to him, he told me not to contact him. He’ll contact me. It’s all confusing but I guess the other girl is happy with a cheater cause I know she ain’t that dumb. I sent her me an his whole conversation, him telling me how he craves me an love me then while she’s there.

    • What happened was that somewhere along the way, the emotional connection between the two of you was lost. As for what causes the loss of emotional connection, that is something you have to figure out for yourself. That was why he decided to break up with you. Telling you that he wants to better himself is probably just an excuse.

      Regardless, you did the right thing by being ok with it. If he wants to leave the relationship, it means he wants to leave. You can’t stop him anyway.

      Although he told you that he will be back in a few months, that doesn’t mean it will definitely happen. Why is that so? As I mentioned above, the loss of emotional connection is one of the main causes of the breakup. Emotional connection is not going to happen automatically. You need to work on it.

      For more information about emotional connection, you can read this article.

      Although he was the one to initiate the breakup, he still felt emotional about it. There must be something in your relationship that he still treasures. However, unless the emotional connection is strong enough, he is still not going to get back together with you.

      Since he still hasn’t process his emotions fully, the new relationship he is currently in is most likely a rebound relationship. So even if you don’t do anything about it, the relationship is probably going to end on its own.

      Unfortunately, you made one wrong move. You shouldn’t try to break his rebound relationship. By doing so, you are actually pushing him towards the other woman. Even if you did manage to break his rebound, he is unlikely to get back with you because of what you have done.

      Anyway, don’t worry about the mistake you have already made. What’s done is already done. You can’t undo it anyway. I am simply pointing out to you so that you don’t make the same mistake again in the future.

      Right now, you need to focus on the emotional connection between the two of you. Once the emotional connection is strong enough, he will consider getting back together with you again.

      You may also want to read this article about rebound relationship so that you can prepare yourself to handle various situations.

      • Enough time for you to heal and develop your relationship skills. If you haven’t healed properly, reaching out to him will probably make the situation worse because you will probably react to everything. If you haven’t developed your relationship skills, you will have a hard time connecting with him. That defeats the purpose of contacting him. Read this for more information.

  2. Hey mark

    I had a argument with my ex, now he has blocked me on social media, on his phone so I can’t call or text and I don’t know what to do please help me.

    • Don’t worry too much about that. Most probably, he is just blocking you temporarily because he is angry. Once he has cooled down, he will probably unblock you. If he doesn’t unblock you, I believe you have his email? Then you can contact him through email instead or if you have his address, you can send him a letter.

      With that said, you probably shouldn’t contact him for the time being. Right now, any attempt to contact him will probably make the situation worse because I believe you are still in reaction mode. When you are still in reaction mode, anything that you do or say is not going to feel good for your ex. That will just make him resist you more.

      So I suggest that you take a few months to work on yourself. This is extremely important. By the way, when I talk about working on yourself, I am not just talking about picking up new hobbies, making new friends, enjoying yourself etc. Doing those things alone are not going to help you get your ex back.

      You can read this article for more information on what to focus on.

      • Hey mark

        He texted me yesterday and said that he just wants to be friends and that he is not ready to unblock me from social media because I send him to many messages about getting back together and keep asking about girls.

        • Yup. That’s why I suggested you shouldn’t contact him anymore for the time being. If you insist on contacting him now, he will just resist you more. Instead, you should follow the suggestions here.

  3. Hello,
    I have been with my bf in a relationship for a yr nd half. We were together for the first four months and thn he left abroad for studies . We did long distance almost for a yr. Now he suddenly broke up with me and doesnt want to see me again ever . He says he wants to move on see someone else and so should i.
    Let me share with you a lil bit of background.
    We started the relationship as best friends and then gradually fell in love. He really cared and loved me so did i . Thn wen he left for his studies . We started having lil arguements about small things like calling and other stuff. .. but eventually we used to apologize and get normal.. we met twice in this period when he came back for holidays … then we used to have arguements over lil issues and sometimes he used to tell he wants to break up .. but thn thngs would get normal in 3 days or so again.. in between he also was talking about how should we talk at our places for marriage .as his father and aunt already knew about us.
    .. now he is back home and i am in london for my studies .. (he came to meet me in london for 10 days before going back home).
    Last week he went out with his friends as regular .. and said was missing me and loves me alottt… but next day he called me sayng he was wrried abt sth.. so i spoke to him.. (currently at his home his grandfather is sffering from prostate cancer and frequently is visiting hospital ) he said he spoke to his grandmom (he is very close to her). And that she was very emotional and crying about not marrying a girl from other religion (we have religion differences) so she said alot to him about all this.. so when he showed this wrry to him i asked what is in his mind and he was like he needs time to think ..
    And thn suddenly next day he just bursted on me saying we are not compatible and he doesnt want to be with me anymore . And he started recalling everythng bad that has happened in the relationship and that he wasnt happy and he has already moved on and i should also move on .. and he had so much negativity for me and he kept on saying he will find another girl in a month wen m back .. and will marry someone else and not me. Then that week i really tried calling and convincing him .. so he was like when you will be back from london in a month we will meet and talk .. and now he isnt even ready to that when last i called him. He is stuck with one just thing that its not wrking anymore and u cant fox anythng .. u concentrate on your career and just for my happiness leave me alone .. i wana be with someone else .. u dont understnd me .. there is no love without understanding .. and that he will never change this decision and he feela i dominate him alot and he has goin thru emotional trauma with me and that he always wanted to break up with me but i was the one who wanted to patch up all the time … so for me he gave me a chance and now he doesnt want to give me anymore chances… its over and i should move on.. so will he

    Now i dont know what has happened and y is he reacting so badly with me and what should i do .. this all happened this past week and m feeling really bad .. i dnt knw what to do i love him alot… and if i have made any mistake i didnt understand i wana correct it.. i have had very good time with him .. but now it seems goin away from my hand
    Plss help

  4. I didn’t text him he replied back to me on skype and said that we can only talk on there for a while until he ready to unblock me from his phone.

    • It’s alright if he only wants to talk on skype for now. Just respect his wishes. At least he is still willing to talk to you. Also, that’s only temporary anyway, due to his current emotional state. If you can change how he feels towards you, eventually he will unblock you. Of course, it is not going to happen overnight. You need to work on yourself first. If you are not in a good place emotionally yourself, then it is going to be very hard for you to connect with him on an emotional level.

  5. Hi mark
    Me and my ex fiancé were together for 6 years we were supposed to be getting married at end of June this year. He told me he’s been seeing a girl for a month behind my back and finished with me. I have begged and pleaded with him went through NC and contacted him and he blocked me on Facebook and told me to move on and be happy! He says he doesn’t love me anymore and there’s no way we can ever get back together. He says he’s not seeing this girl now but I’m not sure if he’s telling the truth is there any chance of us getting back together?

    • You have been together for 6 years after all. So I would say the chance is definitely there.

      With that said, you need to be doing the right things if you want to save your relationship. NC alone is not going to help you get your ex back if you are not doing anything constructive during that period. So I would suggest that you do the right things during no contact like what I mentioned in this article.

      Also, I am assuming that he is not a serial cheater. Of course, it is not right for him to see a girl behind your back. With that said, why do you think he did that? There must be some problems in your relationship that causes him to do that. If you want to save your relationship, you need to be aware of the root cause of your breakup.

  6. Hi mark, we’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. We broke up last 2014 and after 9 months we are back together. Last monday we had a silly arguments afterwards he told me he didn’t want to be with me and he already finish with me because he is tired. But before that almost two month he didn’t talk but we still see each other… Is there another chance for the both of us?

    • It wasn’t the silly argument that caused the breakup. It must be something much deeper than that. The silly argument was just the trigger. This probably means that after he got back together with you, he realized that the same old problems still exist. So what do you think is the root cause of the breakup? This is something you need to figure out. The chance is definitely there if you can figure out the root problem and really work on it. It is also very important to follow a proper plan.

  7. Hey Mark, my boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. 2 years long distance that went smoothly and 1 year with him being back home. I realized during the transition of him being back home I got way too attached, devoting all of my time to him. Drinking and having emotional breakdowns because I felt that he spent way more time with his friends especially one specific one rather than me. His friend would call him at 8 in the morning 3 times, send him numerous texts about hanging out. I’ve never sent my boyfriend that many texts or called him that many times. I was always the easy going girlfriend at first who would let go of things and they all ended up bottling up inside me and I had a breaking point where I called him one night hysterically crying. Him and I talked face-to-face and I told him all the things I needed to work on such as: hanging out with my friends more, devoting my time to yoga, spending time with my family, and not drinking as heavily as I have been. He told me all the little things of me storming off from the bars without telling him because I got aggravated, and trying to control him all added up and it made him realize that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because it’s unhealthy and won’t be the same. After this I pleaded with him to compromise cause him and I had so many great memories out of the bad and I felt as if that was all he was focusing on were the bad things, as well as pointing all fingers at me as if it was all my fault whenever he has changes he needs to make as well. After a week he called me on the phone and told me that he isn’t emotionally and 100% ready to be in a relationship. Then he said “I’m not saying this is the last goodbye, and I’m not telling you to wait on me. I think you’re an awesome, amazing person, and I know that you can change. I would like to be cool with you, and who knows what the future may bring.”

    I was upset because we dated for 3 years and he had to end things with me on the phone. Also after he said “I’m not saying this is the last goodbye, and I’m not telling you to wait on me.” Does that mean when he’s ready to be in a relationship he’ll give us another shot?

    Do you believe he will give up 3 years of our relationship that he is completely over it? I was great to him, I had my faults, but I have been working on myself hanging out with my friends. I just hope he realizes what he lost. I really thought him and I could’ve been something. I have always had my eye out for him whenever I was younger and he would come in the restaurant I worked out and I never believed I would be dating him and now that he ended things I’m heartbroken cause I thought him and I could’ve worked through this together.

    • I answered your question here. But I just want to add a few more things.

      First, you need to learn to speak your mind. This is a skill that can be learned. Obviously, you would prefer that he spent more time with you. You should have told him that earlier. Yet, you pretended to take it easy and bottled up your feelings instead and eventually, you lost control.

      To help you develop the skills of speaking your mind, you can check out this book.

      Second, don’t be too fixated on what he said. It is simply a matter of content vs context. If you are able to change the context, the content can change as well.

      Third, don’t just focus on external changes such as hanging out with friends. Of course, hanging out with friends is a good thing to do and I definitely encourage that. With that said, you need to focus on internal development as well. That is because external changes will not help you get to the root of the problem. You may want to read this article for more information on what it really takes to get your ex boyfriend back.

  8. Dated a man for 9 months
    He broke up in the 7th month
    Returned in 8th month
    Broke up again in the 9th month
    He returned to an old gf whom he spoke poorly about for 10 months (owes him money, cheated on him, brought home bedbugs)
    It’s been 8 weeks and out of the blue a text, “I’m sorry I should of communicated with you better”.
    Why now? I’m happy! Ive moved forward and enjoying life alone.
    Btw we are both 53 yo, and I thought the games were over for a man of his age.
    And no I will not be returning, I’m happy being single and happy again. Just curious why a man will try to communicate after all this time.

    • Age doesn’t guarantee wisdom. Everyone has their own emotional baggage. If a person has baggage at age 20 and he doesn’t want to get out of his comfort zone and learn how to deal with it, then 30 years later, he is going to face the same problem.

      I am not a mind reader, never met him before. So obviously, I won’t know exactly what he is thinking. All I can do is to make an educated guess.

      Maybe after he got back together with her, he realized he made a mistake. That’s why he is trying to get back together with you again.

      Maybe he doesn’t want to get back together with you but still want to be friends with you.

      Maybe he is just trying to relief his guilt. Maybe it is a combination of some of these reasons.

      The only person who knows exactly what he wants is himself.

  9. Hi there,

    It’s been about 3 months since my Ex and I went into the “friend-zone” he says there’s a chance him and I could be back together again…

    A lot of the problems are was we both had some previous baggage from our past relationships and him and I were on an “on and off relationship” because of our insecurities and hurtful words that broke our trust in each other.

    I did some things I wished I never did but I am willing to improve myself. I really do love this man and I knew I did hurt him deeply by not knowing anything better because I was scared to lose him in the first place and it still happened…

    My family and friends do not want me to be back together with him. I just have this strong sense he is the one for me and it’s been bugging me dearly.

    • Take some time to do the exercise in this video. This will give you more clarity on whether this relationship is worth pursuing.

      If after doing the exercise, it confirms that the relationship is worth pursuing, then go for it. Don’t be too affected by what your family and friends opinions. They are just trying to protect you from getting hurt but ultimately, they are not you.

      With that said, you don’t want to ignore what your family and friends say totally. Take what they say as a consideration while you are doing the exercise. Maybe they do have some valid points.

      Also, it is important not to take what he says too literally. Just because he says there is a chance that you will be back together doesn’t mean that will automatically happen. Don’t just sit there and passively wait for him to make the decision. Your chance of getting back together is in your own hands. You need to actively do something about it.

      You may want to read this article to find out what to focus on in order to increase your chances of success.

  10. Hi …
    My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We had some ups and downs but when I came back from a summer vacation this year I felt things had changed. Then I saw him touch another woman fully on the ass while we were out at a club together. I called him out on it and he denied it. He started to be shady about hiding his phone. I accused him of cheating he denied it. We didn’t talk for a week and then when I asked him what was going on he said we should break up because he needed time for himself without a girlfriend. Come to find out 2 weeks later he’s in an “official” relationship with another girl.
    I got mad – drove to his house and yelled at him. It was his parents house and the windows were open so I spoke a bit loud and he was ashamed. He agreed to return the money I lent him and I got a written agreement for it.

    I love him, I supported him through some rough times – emotionally and financially, i was honest and loyal.

    Wondering if he’ll ever come back to me?

    • I believe you have no concrete evidence that he is cheating on you. With that said, I am not going to rule out the possibility.

      For now, let’s assume that he did cheat on you.

      Obviously, cheating is wrong. However, when it comes to saving a relationship, it’s seldom constructive to focus on the other person’s fault. We need to go deeper than that.

      I am assuming he is not a serial cheater. So why did he decide to cheat on you even though you have supported him through tough times?

      Well, most probably, there is something he is not getting from his relationship with you. That is why he is seeking it elsewhere from other women.

      So what is it that he is not getting from you?

      I may be wrong but I will just make a guess here.

      I suspect that he doesn’t feel respected in the relationship. He doesn’t feel like a man at all. It might be due to his own insecurity or low self esteem because of his financial situation. Another possible reason is because of your strong personality. Or it may be a combination of all those reasons.

      Do you consider yourself as someone who has a very strong personality? I am asking because I have this impression based on what you did, like driving to his house and yelling at him.

      Basically, not giving him any face.

      Do you think that is a possible reason for the breakup?

      You may want to do a bit of self reflection on this. Ultimately, your personality is going to affect your life. In your workplace, it is very helpful to have a tough personality. However, when it comes to relationship, you may need to learn how to “soften” up a bit. That is a skill that can be learned and it will be helpful to your future relationship, whether it is with your current ex or someone else.

      Just something for you to think about.

  11. My situation is pretty weird,
    My boyfriend was my merchant customer at the bank for two years.. one of the girls that worked at his business told me from way back when he just started coming to my bank that he had a big crush on me and would always ask about me. For two years he never said anything. Because he is kind of a shy guy and he also believed I’d. Never go for him.. also what I did not mention is, his twin brother. The twin has always. Been more outspoken and after all this time, he took the chance of telling my. Best friend, who is also my coworker, that his brother has had a huge crush on me forever.. after that about a month or so later we finally connected and started dating..I never was too crazy about him in the beginning but after being with him for 6-7 months I found that I have grown to love him.
    We dated for 3 months. Before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I tried breaking up w him quite a few times but couldn’t make myself when I saw his face and how much it upsetted him. After this, I’d say 7 months from beginning, I realized he is everything for me.. everything was going soo good, maybe too good to be true! Then one month about after a year, he began to draw back because he felt that I was not into him and that he would act the same w me.. this lasted about a month, where he would hardly text me and would ignore me.. but I got him back.. later after we were better again he told me, every time he tried to keep himself away and take it slow, I would lure him. Back again.
    It’s been over a year and half I was w him.. a big family problem had. Come up that last month, his business was sued for a great amount and he was in the process of starting up a new business.. after learning of this news about the sue, he became a different person..
    that morning he was texting me how much he loved me and couple hours later after him and his parents learned of the sue, he became a whole new person.
    He hardly spoke to me and all he said was things r going to change for his family and that he needs to concentrate on working longer and harder. First two weeks he would text me little short texts.. the two weeks after this I began freaking out a lot on him for about 3 weeks and he completely cut me out. He met me 2 times since this situation started to explain what was going on. And even told me he started using a drug to help him work.
    (Also, when I talked to his brother, he thought that I was just freaking out and said his brother is definitely not breaking up with me!)
    The third time my bf met me he explained why he thought we should go our separate ways. He explained beautifully and as he was explaining, he had to stop and turn away from me because he got emotional and started to cry.. it was sad/emotional breakup, yet the most beautiful breakup ever.. he only asked that maybe when his work calms down, that I would allow him to sometimes check in on me and possibly grab lunch in the future and also he said when he opens his new restaurant that he would like me to come visit.
    So after spending the whole day together, we went our own ways… it’s been a month and I have heard nothing from him… he blocked me on instagram when I started acting up. But Facebook and snap chat we still are friends.. he watches every snap chat I post…he has not ever commented on any yet.
    I feel that maybe the drugs also may have changed him a bit and helped him block his feelings from me. I asked him to do this one thing for me, to stop it and he promised me he would try his best too.
    It’s been a month and I have heard nothing from him, he recently left to Chicago for 3 weeks training for his new business so I know he won’t be contacting me during this time.

    I believe there is hope for us, but it’s so hard waiting so long, how long so I have to wait?
    I have been posting cute picture on Snapchat and snaps w me and my girl friends hanging out or having drinks and such, I want him to know that I am happy and going on w my life, instead of being mad and depressed.

    • Also, he said, at this point in his life he doesn’t know what the future holds and he can’t promise to be there for me and be able to talk to me much. He said he understood why I started acting mad and saying such hurtful and rude things to him, he admitted that he was wrong for doing that…but he just said he can’t promise me a future right now, that there is so much bigger problems going on in his life that he can not afford to worry about ours. It was hurtful to hear that I was the last thing he thought about right now.

      • He is probably facing one of the biggest crisis in his life right now. When a man faces such a situation, he is basically in survival mode. So it is only natural that his whole attention is now on saving his business.

        That won’t necessary lead to a breakup. If you were able to display emotional strength and empathy and be a source of support, the breakup may not have happen.

        The breakup eventually happen because he realized that he could not give you the attention you need during that 3 weeks you acted out on him. So, the relationship become a source of stress instead of support for him. Remember, he was in survival mode. When someone is in survival mode, he only has energy to do whatever is necessary to survive. So it is only natural for him to drop the relationship when it becomes too stressful for him.

        By the way, I am mentioning this not to make you feel bad or anything. I am just pointing out to you what is really happening here. Because I do not want to sugarcoat you. When you know the root cause of the breakup, then it is easier for you to come up with the right solution. So I hope my analysis of the situation is useful to you.

        How long to wait is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer here. With that said, if you want to save this relationship, don’t just keep on posting pictures on Snapchat. That alone is not going to help you save your relationship.

        Instead, you need to focus more on inner work. Develop your emotional strength and learn to be happy by yourself. It is only when you have the emotional strength will you be able to support others. You are not just doing it for him, you are doing it for yourself.

        Also, don’t be passive and keep on waiting. Most people make this mistake. They think they have to wait for their ex to contact them before they can save the relationship. Don’t be held back by this limiting belief.

        If you want something, you have to take the initiative. Develop your relationship skills so that you know how to reach out to him and connect with him on an emotional level. Obviously, this is not going to happen overnight. It takes time to learn new skills.

        Anyway, this is not something I can cover within a few sentences. You can read this article for a big picture plan of what to do.

  12. Hello,

    My ex broke it off with me over a month and a half ago. He started to talk to me as a friend in the beginning, but I told him it was too weird and I couldn’t just be friends. Three weeks went by with No contact, and I called him over to my house. We talked, cuddled and watched a movie. Then I got it out of him and he said he was talking to another girl he met at a party. He stayed the night, nothing physical, and he dropped off our dog that we had together to spend the day with me while he went out with friends. But when he came by later to pick up the dog, I was upset and I was short with him because he is talking to another girl. We both haven’t made contact since, it has been a week. Is there no chance of getting him back?

  13. Hi Mark,

    I met this guy on a website where I used to work and one day he contacted me that he wanted to party with me all night on skype so i told him that I will charge him per minute. He said okay he will pay me 400 euro to party with him be his bitch and do whatever he says. He did send me the money it was just a business to both of us but after interaction on cam the first nite, he fell in love with me and wanted me to go stay with him in Holland everyday.

    He will skype with me for 6 to 7 hours singing love songs and little by little, I started to fall in love with him. I forgot about the business side of this that we started. He too forgot he started to treat me with love. He would text me all day when he’s at work, leaving work until he gets home. The messages I will receive when I wake up. I love u my love. It was so sweet till I started becoming too desperate to see him like i started to fall in love and write him 50 times thinking it will make him fall in love more but i was wrong.

    It drove him away. He told me all about his life, his family would dance for me, sing for me. I would watch him cook all on cam. Had plans for us but I messed up by being too pushy and he told me last week that this will not work, that sometimes I just want things too badly and he hung up the call. I was devastated I told him why don’t we try it. He said another problem is you don’t listen and he hung up the call. The last message I received from him was sorry my love.

    It was confusing. If he was breaking up with me why did he say my love? It has been 4 days he has not contacted me yet neither did I even though I am dying to write him but I am afraid to be rejected and also afraid its the reason why he left me for being too desperate for him. Any advice for me. Is there a slim chance that i might get him back? How can i tell if he still gonna come back? He still have me on his skype, his watsapp, still got my email and his phone number. I was expecting him to block me but he didn’t. What can I do? I really love him I want him to be mine but don’t know if he will come back to me. I am really sad I dream about him last nite he came to my house and we were smoking together. In my dream, he even text me in my dream too. Am confused help please.

    • There is no hard and fast rule here. It depends on when you are emotionally ready to talk to him again. Of course, just because you are emotional ready doesn’t mean he is. So once you are ready, the purpose of your first message is just to break the ice and gauge his respond. If his respond is very negative or he doesn’t reply you, then you can try again later, maybe in one to two weeks time.

      With that said, if it is an extremely nasty breakup and you have hurt him really badly, then perhaps it is going to take more time. Like I mentioned, no hard and fast rule here. You have to look at your own situation.

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