Will He Come Back to Me? What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You

This is a rough one.

 

How to Get Him Back

You cannot always get him back after he dumps you. Sometimes, the breakup is best for both of you and your best bet is to do what you can to move on.

Okay, we’ve got the worst-case scenario out of the way. Now, let’s examine what to do in any situation except that one.

 

Ignore Him—at first

I just want to make it clear.

I am not telling you to flat out ignore your ex boyfriend or play mind games with him.

I am just telling you to ignore his behavior and what he says.

For example, if he tells you that he hates you and doesn’t want to get back together with you anymore, just take it with a grain a salt.

Why is that so? Well, you have to consider his emotional state when he is saying that. Most probably, he is still angry with you, that is why he is saying that to spite you. But you know what? Emotions are constantly changing.

Today, he may be angry with you. Tomorrow, he see a photo both of you took together and suddenly, he is no longer angry with you anymore. So his words, “I hate you and doesn’t want to get back together with you anymore” is no longer valid.

Also, don’t worry about his behavior. Don’t worry if he ignores you or go no contact on you.

Most guys go into No Contact mode when they break up with their girlfriends. It’s an ancient defense mechanism for guys who are unsure how to deal with certain emotions. Remember, guys don’t get to have emotions, most of the time: they’re either expected to be sexual robots primarily concerned with their WSWPH (Women Slept With Per Hour), or some kind of real-life version of Rambo. Neither of these has much room in it for being sad, or even conflicted, about a breakup.

His friends are not going to be any help in this department. They are going to believe that if he broke up with you, he had good reason—whether he did or not. They are also going to believe that if he decides that maybe he was wrong, it’s their job to talk him out of his “weak” moment (see how any conflicted emotions get quashed?) and back into his normal guy self. His “normal guy self,” at this point, includes lots of partying, outings with his buddies, hitting on as many women as possible, and lots of status updates about how super-fantastic everything is, and he is.

This is like twisting the knife in the wound for most women. The last thing in the world you want to see is your man leave you in a fiery, explosive breakup (where you both probably said a lot of nasty things you didn’t really mean), and then get right back up the next day and have everything in his life be awesome. But have faith—things are, as usual, not what they seem.

The more time he spends publicly announcing that things are great for him (and telling himself over and over that he feels awesome), the more he’s probably conflicted about the breakup. Guys all the time go out and sleep with as many women as they can, because they think that’s what they’d do if they were truly over you. They’re trying to convince themselves, and they’re probably trying to convince you, a little bit, too.

So you have to ride out this storm. It’s the roughest part of the whole game, but it’s also the most important. Calling him 57 times a day is the most surefire way to get rid of him forever.

answers

There are two reasons for this:

The first is that those 57 calls, whatever the voicemail messages might say, send one message loud and clear: desperate.

That’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s fundamentally important. And we have to take this brutal honesty thing one step further, here: would you really want to be with someone desperate? It’s not a very attractive quality. And, as we’ll explore in-depth below, you need to be as attractive as possible right now.

The second reason is that all those calls let your ex know that you are right there, a safe bet if he ever decides that he was wrong.

If, on the other hand, you are able to control yourself, calm down and reflect on what needs to be changed, you are going to have a better chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

 

Working On Yourself Is The Best Thing You Can Do

Have faith that it’s the best way to make him want you back. Pamper yourself. Go out with your girlfriends, get your nails done—go and do those ‘you’ things that have nothing to do with your ex, but that you truly enjoy. Spend a few weeks just focusing on being the best and most attractive person you can possibly be. Do what makes you feel good about yourself.

Of course, don’t just focus on those external things. What is even more important is the internal transformation as mentioned in this article.

Don’t keep on checking his Facebook profile. Don’t worry too much about whether he is going to come back or whether he is going to fall in love with another woman. Those are things out of your control anyway. Worrying about those things will not help you to bring him back.

Also, don’t worry too much about using Facebook to get your ex back. Don’t waste time updating your Facebook profile, hoping that this will help you get him back. You can have the best photos in your profile and maybe that will motivate him to get back together with you.

Unfortunately, the result is probably going to be short lived. After some time, once he realized that you are still the same old person and the relationship dynamics is still the same, the reasons for the breakup are still there, he is going to leave you again.

That is what we often call the on again, off again relationship. I am pretty sure that’s not the kind of relationship you are looking for. You are going to see much better results when you put in the effort to transform yourself inside out so that you can become a better person and create a different relationship dynamics with your ex.

 

After a While, Try Talking

But only a little! This is the second hard part. Once things have calmed down, and both you and he have had a chance to ride out that crazy emotional storm, you can try a quick hello. The best thing to do is just drop a line—“hey, it’s been a while. How are things going?” is normally enough. But personalize it for your own conversation style; remember, you already seduced this guy once. Just being you—that best version of you—is the best possible course of action for attracting him back.

 

Be Seductive

Getting a guy back after he dumps you is an art, not a science. You’ll have to make a lot of decisions for yourself. But that’s a good thing: guys don’t fall in love with formulas. They fall in love with girls. And the girls that men find most attractive are the ones that look and feel their best, whether the guy likes them or not. You may feel absolutely terrible, not only about what’s happened, but also about yourself. Getting dumped can make you feel pretty ugly and unattractive, but you know enough now to know better. If he didn’t find you attractive, he would not have started dating you in the first place. If the way he felt about you changed, it was because something in the relationship changed.

So go out there and be your absolute best self. Take the time to make you feel good about you: no formula you’re going to find on the Internet will be better than that for bringing your ex running.

And of course, remember to sign up for my newsletter below! I have a lot of good relationship saving information to share with you inside! 

285 thoughts on “Will He Come Back to Me? What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You

  1. In reply to Mark.

    Hello mark. Please help me out I’m going crazy. Me and my boyfriend started dating 2 years back and before that we were best friends for 3 years and then decided to date. Basically he was a player but he said I’m a nice girl and he can settle down with me. He dumped many girls and none of his relationships really worked more than 2 3 months. This was the first one. So basically things were going really fine between us and he loved me and did everything he could to make me happy. One of the dream guys. He did literally everything. Then like for 4days he started giving less time as he was a bit busy with studies. So I complained that you’re not giving me much time and all. So he called me up and he said that he cant handle this relationship anymore and he wants to breakup because he has family issues and his family is putting a lot of pressure on him. I went crazy because I loved him so much. It’s been a month today and he did not contact me. I’ve been contacting him and calling him but he doesn’t respond. I deleted him off facebook so I move on but I just cant. He’s acting all happy and he also deleted the wall posts and comments that I made on his profile. I dont know what to do but I really want him back. Please help me. Tell me will he ever contact me or change his mind or come back to me regret his decision. Please reply asap:(

  2. I just saw the video 7 questions if a man loves you. I scored 5 out of 7. 1.He admires me. Told me several times that I am beautiful person with beautiful heart. And also loves it when I make tea for him.
    2. I come under his top 3 priorities (he has proved wid several examples)
    3. Looks at me with admiration.
    4. Respects my intimate desire.
    5. Encourages me to work hard and suceed and meet friends.
    6. He has introduced me to his best friend but not to any of his family members because I know they are conservative.
    But still he can’t take a stand for me. I don’t understand why. I know he had no intintentions of using me. He has done so many things for me. He even asked me why I want him as he thinks m pretty so good and can get any damn guy.
    Please tell what should I do? Will no contact work? I can’t be just friends with him. Will he come back to me with commitment. He has told me right now he can’t commit and about future we should leave it in God’s hands.

    • It seems like a self esteem issue. Which means it has got nothing to do with you. Maybe he thinks you are too good for him and somehow he may be worried that you will leave him in the future. As for why he has a low self esteem, there can be a number of reasons. Maybe he had a difficult childhood. Or maybe he was affected by one or several failed relationships in the past. Are you aware of his history? Maybe I can give you better answers if you tell me more.

  3. Sir,

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 10 days ago.
    We actually had a fight and he told me that he wanted to stay single and happy.
    he has gone no contact on me.
    just once, after three days from our break up, i got a text from him, but there weren’t any words…
    i was confused and thought maybe he sent it accidentally.
    so i ignored it, but just sent a ‘?’ two days later because i was extremely curious.
    he read it, but did not text back.
    were in a long distance relationship. i had some insecurity issues. he didn’t give me time.
    like i said, he’s gone no contact on me.
    i don’t know what to think of this… besides, v have a festival coming up tomorrow, should i wish him? as in be the first to break the silence?

  4. Dear Mark,

    I did the “Does he love me quiz” and I scored five. He doesn’t love me and he even verbally told me he doesn’t love me. But I scored five (I answered every question honestly).

    We broke off two weeks ago because he felt that this is as far as we could go. It’s been long established that he doesn’t love me and we managed to give it a shot until now. Through the times we were together, we’ve really enjoyed each other’s company and created many beautiful moments together as we shared many identical interests. Our sense of humour is even the same and it’s always the case that only we get each other’s jokes. He even told me I’m the only person he’s ever opened up to so much. Our dating phase has never seeped into the “routine” mode and we’re always finding new things to do together — that includes overseas trips and holidays.

    He had shared with me that he has always taken his ex girlfriends for granted and that’s the reason why they didn’t work out. But during our time together, he has been making plans for us, never took me for granted and I know he deeply cares for me. He even told me that I’m the longest relationship he’s ever had.

    Now that we’ve parted ways because he doesn’t love me as he claimed, I just really want to know if he really knows what he’s doing. He has asked for space and today is our No Contact Day 1. I asked yesterday if he knows what he’s doing and he said, he doesn’t but that’s for him to find out. I asked him to have a good think about things and he said he will.

    Do you think he will come back?

  5. he sent this text to me not to long ago and we haven’t spoken since: “when i’m ready to give you what you’re needing and you’re still single, I will reach out to you. I’m really glad I saw you the other night and thank you for sharing with me your feelings. Till then…” now, I may be over-analyzing it, but it sounds promising and not promising at the same time. please, break this down for me. Thanks!

  6. Hey Mark,

    I messaged you here a few months ago about my ex boyfriend who was dealing with a lot of stress with dealing with his family and school and work. He’s 19. Well since then a lot has been crazy. We tried working things out, but it became mostly sex. He would still tell me that he loved me and he wanted to be with me again one day. Every week he would be hot with me and then cold the next week. He just kept telling me to be patient with him, which was super hard when he would still talk about other girls. Anyway, the past few weeks with me have been stressful due to some family problems and because of it he decided a few days ago that “it is better for us if we relax on things for a bit.” And that he “doesn’t want me gone, but we both have a lot going on right now and we should learn to be less reliant on each other.” However he goes out with his guy friends almost every weekend, would text me when he was drunk. But he said he doesn’t have time for me or there isn’t enough time in a day to show that he cares about me. He seems to be in this destructive downfall.. He wasn’t this way when he was with me… What do you think I should do? What do you think he will do?

    • There is no way I will know what he will do. As for what you should do, first, stop sleeping with him. Otherwise, it will become the only reason he is interested in you.

      Don’t entertain him if he is drunk. You deserve better treatment than that. Also, have things going on in your life and be the most attractive woman you can be.

  7. Hi Mark –

    My BF and I were together 2 weeks short of 3 years when he broke up with me. Overall our relationship was good but I acknowledge that after a move I could not avoid occurred I became clingy, needy, negative and somewhat abrasive. I did not mean to damage the relationship but I realize that a lot of behaviors I exhibited pushed him away. During this time my BF also experienced some family issues and financial / career issues and he felt that I was not sensitive to either issue. I agree that I was so caught up in my own unhappiness of my move that I did not show him the support I should have. It is not that I didn’t care, I think I just had a hard time coping with my own issues that I took the relationship for granted. Having realized all of my issues and knowing that they were petty and not fair I apologized and expressed my change of heart and willingness to work on and overcome those issues. I already feel a ton better and a new appreciation for the relationship. Unfortunately though I think the stresses of family issues, finances and then me contributing stress played a toll on my BF and he requested a break. He made it clear that he is “stepping away” from the relationship and not “leaving it”. He broke up with me on a Thursday and requested to meet up for following day Friday. We met up and talked. We both agreed to not date or see other people. There was a lot of emotion between us. We both cried and hugged and kissed. It didn’t feel like a break up because the love is still there. He told me that this is the hardest thing he has ever done and that he loves me and misses me already. He told me he would contact me here and there and would never ignore my contact. I have contacted him several times since that day and he always responds and always answers my calls. I have unfortunately though had a hard time talking without begging him back or crying in misery over how I feel. He has been kind throughout this but remains fixated on us being apart and “seeing what the future holds.” It sounds promising but it is nothing concrete. After a mere two weeks of this I told him that this feeling of not having certainty is driving me crazy and that I do not want to do this break. We agreed to break up even though that is not what I actually wanted. I merely wanted reassurance that he would be back but he said he has no idea when he will be back and that if we are meant to be then it will be. That phrase made me feel hurt so I backed off. A few days later he texted me and asked if we could web chat. It happened to be the day that would have marked our 3 yr anniversary. We spoke via webcam and the conversation was pleasant but I had a hard time seeing him through the computer when I want him back so bad. He looked so happy to see me when my face appeared on the screen and he told me how I beautiful I looked and he had that sweet smile he has had our whole relationship. He asked me about work and my family and as I was talking he sweetly said I miss you with the most puppy dog eyes I have ever seen. It made me cry because I miss him too but he is still continuing this break up. I asked him what does he miss exactly, is it just talking to me? Seeing me? Being my boyfriend? He said he misses every single thing. I told him I miss it too. We continued to talk about other normal conversational things and we spoke for about an hour and a half. I had nothing left to say because I knew I would end up just begging him back so I ended the conversation. At the end he told me he loves me and I said I love him too. Since then I have texted here and there and he will respond. Last night I called him via webcam and again we had a nice conversation. I did not cry this time (it took a lot but I tried to stay cheerful and not look desperate). We again expressed that we missed each other at the end of the conversation. My sister even reached out to him expressing her sadness over this breakup and he thanked her for reaching out and said he misses us all so much. My sister and him even exchanged brotherly / sisterly I love yous. In my gut I feel he will be back but I am afraid of having false hope. I know our relationship is completely fixable and I feel like once he gets his head straight with his issues that he will come back. He says that I am an amazing girlfriend and that he just has to fix his issues so he can give the relationship 100%. I am just worried that I am possibly being mislead or getting too hopeful. I also acknowledge I am not giving much time to this. In 2 days it will be 3 weeks since the break up so it is all still relatively fresh. I am happy that I feel we are still connected and I definitely feel we are still in love with eachother but it is scary and sad because I do not know if he will come back. I am definitely taking this time apart to work on myself and I already feel like I am regaining the identity that I allowed myself to lose and feeling more able to love more properly without all the behaviors I mentioned before. Is there hope for us? :(

    • There is certainly hope in this relationship. You are actually in a pretty good position right now. He is not ignoring you and is happy to talk to you. What you need is a bit of patience.

      I don’t think he is misleading you or anything. He is just not completely sure whether he should get back together with you. So your job is to help him become sure you are the one.

      How do you do that? Well, continue to make the interaction feels good to him so that he wants to spend more time to talk to you or even go out with you.

      Do take note. At this stage, don’t talk about getting back together yet unless he is the one who talks about it. Otherwise, you may push him away again. It is still too early to do so. Only do so when his positive emotions towards you is at a higher level, e.g. he is starting to take the initiative to contact you, he is asking you out more often etc.

  8. Me and my partner were together for 17yrs we have had our ups and downs we argue I tell him to leave he does but comes back in a couple of weeks our arguments are over my kids or his kid this time he nearly cheated I forgave him then I found a ph and went right off he has left and said hes not coming back but cant honestly tell our daughter hes not coming back he tells me to let him go but he wont let me go I love him dearly im moving to a new house I need help will he think about it and come back we have 2 kid’s together he says he will always love me but he is different this time we saw each other the other day he was happy to see me then cold when we parted plz help im going crazy

    • I think you need to gain control of your emotions first before you can effectively get him back. Otherwise, it will be very hard for you to connect with him emotionally, which is important if you want to get back together with him. Start practising the skills mentioned in this article and make sure you are in a good place emotionally before you try to get him back again.

      The key here is you want to make your interaction with him feels good to him so that he wants to spend more time with you. Right now, you are probably not able to do that. So work on yourself first. Focus on internal transformation as mentioned in that article. This will give you a better chance to get him back.

  9. Hey Mark, its been 2 months since my relationship started…In this duration he did a lot of things to make feel that i’m his special one and he wants to marry me….but still because of a bad past i doubted him and this thing broke him from inside …..i asked for a thousand sorry’s but still he is sad…and yesterday he messaged me wishing me good luck for future but he is hurt…i know he loves me and i love him too…I don’t wanna lose him..please suggest what i should do?

    • Give him some time to heal his emotions and think through things. Meanwhile, you should also work on yourself and practise the skills mentioned in this article. Then reach out to him again once you are emotionally ready.

  10. My boyfriend decided to break it off with me for a stupid reason. I over reacted because I felt him distancing him self. Before that we started our second chance at our relationship, he asked me to be his girlfriend on our first date but I said no because I was feeling unsure so I asked him if we could date instead. He still agreed and everything was going well until I over reacted. He later said he didn’t want to anymore. We talked a little while after but not about the relationship. After that he just proceded to ignore me. Do you think he will come back? I want to get back with him, what should I do?

  11. my boyfriend broke up with me just because he was moving and I got sad so starting crying my friends say he’s a jerk but I still like him and he still likes me back.

    • Why did your friend call him a jerk? Is it because he really treated you badly or is it because he broke up with you?

      If it is for the latter reason, then I don’t think that makes him a jerk. Your friends are probably saying so to make you feel better and they want you to move on because they don’t want to see you getting hurt.

      But what is more important is what you want, not what your friends want. So do you still want him back? If your answer is yes, maybe this article will help you and give you an idea on what you should focus on in order to increase your chances of getting him back.

  12. Hi Mark,
    My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 months and he recently dumped me to 3 days ago. For the firsg month everything was fine. He would plan dates for us to go out, always wanted to hang out, and would bring me over to his house to meet his family. He was so wonderful until I noticed some gradual changes. For the 3rd month he bagan acting distant, smoked more than usual, bailed on our plans, and would use me for sex. When he ended it he said that he didn’t feel how he thought he should and seemed emotion less. First off I don’t understand his behavior, and second how can I get him back (if possible )

    • Is this your first relationship? Seeing the 97 in your email address, I am guessing you are 18 and I guess he is around your age?

  13. Hi Mark, My boyfriend dumped me in mid Sept. He and I go way back, we were friends as kids. We lost touch through the years, and he found me on FB back in 2013. We became friends again. In that time he told me his ex had dumped him after they had a child, and he was done dating. Well he started dating again. He asked me out in July. We got really close and were talking on the phone a lot the first month. He worked out of town so the first month we saw each other a few times but mostly phone conversation. Well beginning of Aug things got very passionate. Aug was a very very good month. Then end of Aug he was laid off from his job. He immediately became distant and wouldn’t talk and open up anymore. It all became about just being physical. Then he broke up in mid Sept. My bday was at end of Sept and he called me, wishing me a happy bday. Since then he’s called me 2 more times. He wants to know how I’m doing and is there for me but won’t open up to me. He said he wants to see me and us be good friends, just friends, but when around me he has desires for more than friends and is trying to overcome that because he feels like he wasn’t treating me right and said I deserve a man who will not take advantage of me.

    My question is, should I call him once in a while or just continue having him call me? I got kind of clingy during break up and messaged him a lot, so I stopped all of that and apologized. I truly feel he’s the love of my life and want him back, he’s a good man. I just don’t know the best way. Thank you for your advice.

    • I don’t think it is going to make any difference whether you call him once in a while or have him call you. If you don’t have the necessary skills, you can call him once in while or have him call you over a period of months or even years and you will still not see any progress.

      What you need to do now is to develop a set of new skills so that you actually have the ability to move things forward. If you haven’t already, I will suggest that you read this article. In this article, I mentioned a few key areas to focus on if you want to get your ex back.

      So don’t worry too much about whether you should call him or have him call you. The important thing you need to take note is that you shouldn’t just sit there passively and hope for things to happen. You need to be proactive and go develop the necessary skills as soon as possible. This is because skills take time to develop. You can’t expect to just read this article once and master the skills immediately. That is not going to happen.

      Also, you mentioned that he broke up with you after losing his job. So has he found a job already? Especially for a man, losing his job can be a big blow to his self esteem. Some men will actually take the drastic action and choose to breakup, only to regret their decision later.

      So it seems like he has regretted breaking up with you and yet he is hesitant to get back into the relationship because he hasn’t found a job and feels his life is still not in order? Chances are, once his life is in order again, you will start to see a bit of progress.

      Of course, as I mentioned earlier, don’t just wait for things to happen. You can do your part as well by learning new relationship skills so that you have the ability to connect with him on a deeper emotional level. In my newsletter, I also share some important tips and the mindset you need to have in order to get your ex back.

  14. My bf has informed me that he is done with the relationship and theres no chance we would ever get back together in the future so he has left it up to me wither we stay together or not and if we do he says he wont try to work on it . He says he wants to make life changes and that he sees us resenting each other in the future which I told him he doesn’t know that will happen but hes determined it will. we have been together for almost 8 years. I don’t want things to end with him. He doesn’t even look at the positive things in our relationship. What should I do? he told me he needed to talk and that it had to do with stress and then said all this which I wasn’t expecting. Please any advise is welcome.

    • Don’t worry too much about what he is saying to you right now. It is simply a matter of content vs context. Here is a video about content vs context.

      So what do you need to do next? Well, change the context so that the content will change accordingly. In other words, change his emotional states towards you. Obviously, this is going to take time. So you need to be patient. Try to follow some of the tips shared in this article.

      Meanwhile, if he wants to talk to you, just listen to him. Accept that he doesn’t want be in a relationship with you right now. At least allow the relationship to end on a good note. If you try to resist, it will only make the situation worse.

      Then go for a period of no contact to heal and develop a set of new skills. Again, refer to this article for more information. Then reach out to him again once you are ready.

      Just because the relationship is ending now doesn’t mean it is going to end forever. Some time apart is not necessary a bad thing. At least, he has some time to experience what it is like without you. You will also have the time to reflect on the relationship so that when you are trying to get him back, you are doing so because you know without a doubt that this is a relationship really worth pursuing. You are not doing so out of pure emotions or because you are in reaction mode.

  15. Hi Mark, my ex just recently left me. We were together over yr, lived together etc. I thought we were great together, been through a lot loved eachother. He has been unstable in the job market he lost his job November. We started arguing more, stressful. He had been pressuring me to move to Vegas, I said we need more stability, he was lil unhappy with that. He started doing his own thing for work, he went to Vegas for work we got in arguement over money/gambling he didn’t come home. He was very upset w/ me. Basically we got in to it and he said he’s never coming back keep his stuff. A couple weeks went by, he started going crazy in fb. He called me I didnt answer, I sent a letter from a lawyer because he left me hi & dry with all the rent & bills. He was psst about the letter, deleted me from all social media. He came by wed, blamed everything on me, said he did this to teach me a lesson, that I’m stuck in my life, he can’t handle my issues etc. He said he’s doing this because he cares & I’m going to thank him one day. We txted eachother the next he seemed like he just didn’t care. That he’ll always be a part of my life etc. he said we can reconnect on fb I didn’t bother. I haven’t reached out to him at all because I’m so hurt. I still follow him on insta & he’s starting to post his fab life videos again, liking weird stuff etc. like he wants me to see it. It just baffles my mind how can he go form loving me and caring about me, putting our photos on his phone then the next day he doesn’t love or care. I truly thought we had something special & we’ve been through a lot worse. I guess he just gave up but I wish it wasn’t so. I’m working on my self. Doing everything I can do to feel better be more confident etc. like I said I’m just in shock he stopped loving & caring so quickly. Your articles are very helpful.

    • I can understand that he was stress when he lost his job. However, leaving you high and dry is probably not something a guy should be doing. After all, you can see a man’s true color in time of stress.

      This time, he leaves you with all the bills. What do you think he will do the next time he is stress? So this is a potential red flag you shouldn’t ignore.

      You might want to take some time to think about whether you really want him back. Don’t let your emotions cloud your thinking.

  16. Hi Mark,

    My partner and I have been together and living together for almost 5 yrs. I have a son that he has loved as is own. Last year his brothers gf caused a huge scene with me in a public place with all of us including my son. When my son told her’ stop speaking to my mother like that’ she swore at him. Needless to say i did not want anything to do with her again. Unfortunately the resentment and anger grew and it pulled us further and further from his family as we were uncomfortable being around his brother and gf. My partner started getting pressure from all sides and i took a lot of my anger out on him which i regret deeply. Eventually now he has had enough because of this family situation and me pushing him to breaking point and has moved out back to his parents. He felt I was not giving him the support he needed because i did not want to make peace with the situation and the family/gf. My son is devastated as it is the only dad he ever had and I am broken as he is the one and also my best friend. Before this incident everything was perfect! He has cut contact with me but still communicates with my son and has promised to still be in his life but does not want to give me a chance to fix it ( and believe me i have tried) even with the brother and the gf and his folks but they have completely pushed me away. He says there is no hope and the way i took my anger out and treated him because of my frustration towards the situation he cannot trust me to be with me again and that is what hurt him the most. I feel like I am to blame for all of this because i should have been the better person but was so stubborn as I wanted to stand up for myself and my son. Is there any hope? P.s before the chaos we were all close and also with his family.

    • Yes, there is hope. You just need to rebuild that trust again. Obviously, it is going to take some time and effort.

      This video will show you what needs to be done in order to regain that trust. I hope you find the video helpful.

  17. Hey Mark, I just stumbled upon your website when I was looking for ways to get my ex back.
    The thing is, we’re the “on and off” couple. When we started dating, he wrote me cute texts, and cute messages, always showed me off to his friends, complimented me no matter where we were. He cared for me so much. But its not there anymore. I need to fish for compliments or something to get his attention now.
    The first break up was done by me in September. I literally couldn’t handle a boyfriend due to all the hard courses I took, and I thought a boyfriend was just overrated for me at this point. So, we broke up and he understood why. But, I realized I was totally in love with the guy when I broke up with him. So, we talked about it the next day, and he couldn’t stop smiling after I said that I loved him. He said it back, of course. And we were good for a couple of months. In December, he went to Ontario to visit his family, so we still talked and had cute conversations, skyped, and what not. But he got really distant. He wouldn’t message me or anything, and when I messaged him, he seemed distant. He told me he visited his old friends, and got high with his exes. LIKE IS THAT SOMETHING YOU TELL YOUR GF? But whatever, I told him that his best friend offered to give me a ride from work, and my boyfriend got really jealous. He broke up with me, because he couldn’t “handle the jealousy”. I told him, begged him, that nothing happened. And that I still loved him. But when he came back in January, you could see the changes. We got back together the day after he got back home, because he said he was being a jerk when he said that. We were okay for a while. But recently, one of his good friends passed away (cancer patient), and I did everything I could to keep him in a solid state, I listened to him rant, I brought him food, and I did everything. I even gave him space. He was just shaken up. And we started talking again yesterday, and I asked him about what we were doing, and he says “I got plans”. I asked him with who, and he literally didn’t text me back. I texted him saying “Whatever, idk go have fun” I was just mad, like cutting me off on Valentine’s? He texted back saying “So what now I cant even hang out with friends? I’m done with everything. Goodbye” I realize that he just lost a friend, but leaving me? Plus, all the people he’s gonna “hang out with” are all stoners and some girls just desperate for sex. I’m mad and angry! I don’t know what to do. Please help. And I know I sound like a 5 year old with all the long paragraphs I’ve typed, but I just need answers to see what’s going through his mind!

  18. Hi Mark,
    Hi. My bf of 2.5 years broke it off with me 6 weeks ago. He says he felt we weren’t strong enough to handle blending our families, I have 2 kids, he has 1. I asked if he would go to see my therapist with me, something we had discussed before the breakup. He sat on it for two weeks and yesterday emailed me that yes, he would go, but not with the intention of getting back together. That he was only going to help me find closure. I’m not sure how to respond to that. My gut tells me to listen to his words and then forget the idea, because I know I can’t handle the pain of seeing him, if it’s not going to lead to reconciling. But then I wonder maybe that is just him protecting himself going into it and I could lose an opportunity to work through things with him? I’m confused on what to do.

    • I think you need to have a realistic expectation. You need to understand that getting your ex back is usually going to take a few months. So the therapy itself is unlikely going to help you get back together with him. However, it can act as a catalyst.

      So you can still go ahead with the therapy. Just know that you have to do extra work after that to get back together with him. Ultimately, you are the only one who can save your own relationship. You can’t rely on the therapist to do it for you. However, you may gain some new insight during the therapy and those insight can be helpful when you are trying to save your relationship.

  19. I was dating this guy 11 years older than me, I’m 23 and he is 34.. We met while we were working together and we instantly clicked.. In the beginning he was this perfect guy (so I thought) but be used to tell me I was beautiful, he would text and call me, he would always want to spend time with me and etc.. but we were really close. So as the months went on he started changing or should I say “unfolding”… He stopped doing all of the things in the beginning that he did to capture my attention and heart. He started going m.I.a a lot , he started lying , never made time for me, he would only hit me up at night to come over and I would! (Stupid I know) smh he started treating me like I was a rebound chick, and though I felt in my heart there was someone else I still stuck around. Why? Because I had strong feelings and I was attached to him. (sighs) so we had this huge argument in January and didn’t talk for 3 weeks.. At first I was fine the first week or so and then I started to miss him but I wouldn’t reach out to him because I didn’t want to come off as needy and desperate.. So the day before valentines day Feb 13 he called me while I was sleep and left me a text asking to be his Valentine and I was so excited because I really missed him and I thought maybe this time around he’d change and would treat me better… But he treated me good for about a week or so and then started back on his old ways but again I stuck around…. even though I felt like he was only using me for sex, smh I always asked him why we didn’t spend much time together, why he only chooses night to want to see me and made up lots of excuses and though I knew they were BS I brushed it off… You know I really thought that I was someone special to him.. one of the reason’s is because I met his entire family and he used to introduce me as his “girl” so I was really blinded by a lot but he gave me mixed signals.. One minute he would treat me like I was somebody and then the next he will disappear for days without communication whatsoever… So, anyways. Last week I found out that he had some other woman pregnant this whole time we were together and even though he impregnated her BEFORE we met I still feel like he should of told me upfront.. So after I found out about it, I called him crying my eyes out asking him how could he keep something like that away from me and he just hangs up in my face, so I call back and he doesn’t answer.. Which left me more hurt… so as the days went on I begged for us to meet up and talk about everything… I just wanted to give him a chance to lay everything out on the table about our whole relationship… I wanted to know if I ever truly meant anything to him. We were supposed to meet and talk a few times and he kept having excusing telling me we will talk tomorrow, tomorrow will come and it would be another excuse… so the last time he promised me we would meet the next day, and he stood me up.. I called him 3 times and texted him but didn’t get a response so I left him alone and since then I haven’t heard from him, and to be honest I don’t care to hear from him… I’m in the healing process and I’m feeling much better, although I still think about him at times, I know I will eventually forget about him. It took me a while to realize this, but truth be told he never cared about me because if he did he wouldn’t have brushed me off knowing that he has hurt me to the core… smh but I have a feeling he will miss me and try to come back and this time I won’t allow him back in, I refuse to put myself through that heartache again. I’m trying to also forgive myself for being so weak, vulnerable and naive… I shouldn’t have aloud it to go on as long as it did… But he manipulated me and had me wrapped around his finger. These articles I’ve come across on the web has helped a lot with my healing.. thank you so much! Sorry for typing so much lol.

      • Don’t be so hard on yourself. I was with someone for 3 years and out of no where, he broke up over a text! I was a mess. It was like he died because there was no warning. I tried texting, calling, and he ignored me. I felt like such a loser because I realized all the times he told me he loved me was a farce because no one treats someone they love like discarded garbage. All I was was an option, not a priority. I went into counseling and did a lot of reading on emotional abuse. So many light bulbs went off. It wasn’t me, it was him and his issues. But, my heart is still broken and I don’t feel like I read men very well. It’s gonna be a long time before I CAN TRUST AGAIN. But, I’ll get to the other side a better person. I live in a very small town and have to see him constantly which is awful. And I almost bet he will try and come back someday because he will need his “fix” of having a woman that adores him. He’ll need a temporary ego boost after he tries to date someone else and SHE DUMPS HIM. I am living for that day so I can reply to his text with “Not interested”. Stay strong!

  20. I need urgent help!
    I met this guy online for 3 years. He told me not to get married because I could be a good wife. He did not mention that directly. Then I moved to his country, we met in person, he said to me that he loves me, he was offering me everything I need. Suddenly he disappeared. I have no idea but I decided to go to his profile and I found him online talking to other women. I felt upset. I did not contact him for a month. I expected him to call me but he did not and when I saw one of these females posting love messages, I sent him an email asking about what is going on. He claimed maybe that woman has another man. I believed him as always. I had a problem with my landlord and I called him. He welcomed me in his apartment. I was not suppose to go but I did not have enough time to find something else. I stayed there for 2 nights, he was very intimate and we spent great nights. After that I found another place and settled down for one month. He did not say a word or call me, so I decided to message him telling him that I am leaving the country, is it possible to meet each other? He agreed and we met. He was even more intimate and nice. When I left, I sent him a message and I just wanted to know how he feels about me. He answered that he values every moment that he spent and he will see me soon. I was so happy to see his replies. Again he disappeared and he did not sent any text or call. Most of times, I see him online talking to other girls. I felt frustrated and I decided to know what I mean to him, about the commitment etc.. He said that he will be lucky to have me as a wife but there are a lot of personal issues getting in the way and he does not see these issues going away soon. I asked him what he mean, he did not reply. After a few days, I decided to remind him of all his promises that he made or asked me to make for him and I said goodbye. He did not answer. He went offline for 2 days. But then he went back to his habit. I got a chance to go back to his country. I sent another SMS to all my friends. He is one of them. That my old number does not work and I got a new one. I was thinking he could say something. But again he did not. I love him deeply. Sometimes I feel that he destroyed me. I’ve never been touched or kissed by any man except him. I feel guilty and I wonder if he had so many issues, why did he do all these things?

    I am totally sad and I want a solution as soon as possible.
    Thank you

    • Hi Faith,

      It is not your fault. So try not to blame yourself. He doesn’t seem to be serious about you and is just leading you on with flowery language. I understand that first love is usually the hardest to get over. I really hope that this meditation exercise will help you relieve the pain you are going through now.

  21. Hello Mark,
    My boyfriend of two months dumped me yesterday because he thinks I’ve been cheating on him and says I’ve given him enough reason to doubt me.oh and also because my male friend who had no idea I was seeing someone posted a pic mix of me and him.I explained to him I had no hand in that and my friend called and talked to him as well but he’s not showing any signs. Truth is I haven’t been cheating and he just has trust issues and a lot of insecurities.what do I do?I really want him back but I don’t know how to go about it!

  22. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost a year. We were so in love. I basically lived with him. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, always talked about the future, marriage and kids. However, he got a job in Baltimore. He broke up with me a week before he is supposed to leave. Just the day before he broke up with me, we booked our hotel for our new york trip and he said “lets get a cheaper hotel so we can spend money on memories” We even went to the movies that night, everything was normal. When he broke up with me he could barely look at me, and said this is whats best he needs to be alone and focus on myself, he also said he couldnt do it anymore. Weeks before this the guy begged me to stay with him when he found out about the job. He said we will make it, it will be hard but we will make it. It sounds like he is trying to convince himself its what he needs. Maybe some people are influencing him. When he broke up with me, he cried, but tried to hide it. I know he loves me and cares, but why is he closing himself off? I have a year and a half left of school, and then I was going to move up there and live with him. I don’t even know what to think because I didnt see it coming.

    • Thinking too much is not going to help you get him back anyway. You may end up jumping to conclusion, making all kinds of assumption that are probably not true and cause yourself unnecessary sufferings. So don’t go in that direction.

      Instead, focus on what is constructive.

      What is going to help you is empathy and understanding. From what you said so far, obviously he cares about you. So why did he breakup with you if he cares for you so much?

      Most probably it is due to fear and uncertainty. Imagine having to go somewhere far from home to make a living. Some people may thrive on that. For others, it can be a very stressful experience.

      If this is the first time he is doing so, he may be very afraid.

      Maybe he doesn’t even believe that he can take care of himself. So how is he going to take care of you? That is probably why he chose to breakup with you even though that is not what he really wants.

      So in his mind, he is breaking up with you because he wants the best for you. He doesn’t want you to suffer with him.

      So what you can do is to be more understanding. Don’t put pressure on him. Maybe just keep in contact but for the time being, don’t talk about the relationship. Maybe once he has settled down in the new place, then he will ready for a relationship with you again. Be patient.

      It is also important to be tactful. Do go up to him and say, I know you are afraid. That is not empathy. That is being insensitive. After all, some men have very strong ego. They may be afraid but usually don’t want to admit it. So just take note of that.

  23. Hi Mark,

    My ex hates me he told me to scram and said that he just wants to be friends and if I don’t respect what he wants then he stop talking to me. I just want to sort things out with him and I want him back. We was together for 5 years. He is the first boy I have ever been in love with. He said that we ain’t been together for 8 months and he never wants to be with me again.

    • You ex doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you right now because of his current emotional state. The more you try to push for the relationship, the further you will push him away. So you need to respect his wish to be friends. Now is not the time to sort things out or talk about the relationship. Instead, you want to keep things light. Don’t worry about him saying that he never wants to be with you again. The reason he is saying that is because you pushed him too much. As long as you change the way you interact with him, it is possible to gradually get him to open up to you again. You may want to read this article for more information on what you need to do.

      • I try to talk to him normal but then I start to panic and sometimes he confuse me. He says that he is not going to give up on us but and he wants to cuddle and things but then he goes cold and I’m scared I’m going to lose him forever. Thank you for replying I will look at that article. I have also subscribed to your email and have just started to watch the 5 phases.

        • He is probably at phase 3 right now. That’s why he is giving you these hot and cold signals. You may want to watch the 5 phases videos again to learn what to do.

  24. Hi Mark,
    I need your help urgently to sort my situation. It’s been 3 days since my boyfriend broke up with my after a very big fight. We were in a relationship for past 6 months and in this time we have broken many a times but that break never exceeded for more than a day. But this time it has taken a serious turn and he has blocked me from everywhere. In relationship I became clingy and we had fights. After a fight I turned on his door to surprise him but ended up messing more. Even got drunk that day and things got more worse. After all this a friend interviened and we were back to normal. We spent two weeks together and they were mind blowing. We were so happy together. But after that due to a minor fight I freaked out and went all the way from one city to another after travelling for 6 hours in night. He refused to meet me as I didn’t tell him I was coming there. He just refused to talk. But then he broke up on phone stating that he is frustrated with my behaviour and can’t take it anymore. He said I won’t change and that he doesn’t want to see my face. The very next morning he blocked me from everywhere. And it’s been 3 days now. I don’t know what to do?

  25. My boyfriend and I dated for a year. We had an awesome friendship before that turned into dating we knew each other from sophmore year or high school and would connect later senior year but didn’t become friends until fall of 2014 we then started talk talking and dated summer of 2015. We were together for a year. He recently broke up with me due to “family issues, and him not being happy due to the family issues(his father figure hasn’t been doing good health wise) wanting to be alone to focus on him and family due to his family issues and his mind not being in the right state of mind.” He told me if anything changes he’d let me know. I’ve tried texting him asking how he is and stuff he ignores me. What should I do. I obviously want him back and hope he does come back do you think he may? Do I just completely leave him alone? I miss him so much and love him more than
    anything.

    • Well, if he is ignoring you, it probably means he is not ready to talk to you right now. So just leave him alone for the time being. Otherwise, it may push him further away. You can try reaching out to him again 3 to 4 weeks later and see how it goes. If he still doesn’t reply you, then wait another 2 weeks. Sometimes, it does take a few attempts.

      You should also look at the text messages you sent. A message like “hi, how are you” doesn’t really inspire a respond. It is too cliche. We get this type of message all the time.

      Send a message that is more likely to interest him. Since you have been with him for a while, you should know what his interests or hobbies are. Also, it can be helpful to phrase your message as a question to increase your chances of getting a reply.

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