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Just wanna say: this site is great. I find your advice really helpful, non-judgmental and kind.

Hello,
I’m curious to know your opinion of my situation. I’m a hairdresser and had a male client and thought his wife was the luckiest woman on earth. Then after doing his hair for a year, he told me that his wife of 25 years left him. He dated many people immediately after she left for one or two months, then he dated me and made our relationship exclusive almost immediately. We went together for 3 months and had a great time, then I started taking birth control and after 5 days of being on the pill I became an emotional freak and got upset about him spending time with a female friend. It led to a break up which was very devestating for me because he spoke of a future together. I went off the pill and immediately became calm and told him the hormones made me crazy and he said that he believed me but that it didn’t matter because he was selfish for starting a relationship with me so soon after his divorce before he had healed. He told me that he needed 6 months to get through this before he could even think about dating anyone. We have been broken up since Dec 6th and and he sent me a short and simple text on x-mas and I replied something back short and simple back. That was the last contact we had until I emailed him on Jan 27th. I wrote that I hoped things were going well for him, and that I had been reading about relationships and agreed that he did indeed need his space to grieve. I apologized for some of the mistakes I thought I made, and I wished him well and said that I could be his friend when and if he was ready. He responded the next day and told me he was happy to hear from me, that he had wanted to reach out to me as well but was afraid to because I was so upset. He said that he had a long way to go as far as getting healed, but told me that two halves can definitely make a whole, but when two people who are each whole come together then that is a relationship that can thrive. He said he cared about me deeply, and that he missed me. Do you think this sounds promising in the future even though I was kind of a rebound to his 25 year old marriage? I hear that 90% of rebounds fail. Thank you

Hi Mark
Thank you for setting up this website! It’s very helpful!
I’m currently studying in Taipei and my ex boyfriend is studying in New York City. He’s from Taipei too.
We met in my trip to NYC through a mutual friend. We met for ten days and soon became “more than just friends”. Our values are very similar, so we quickly develop a strong connection.
I confessed to him few days before I went back to my hometown, though I wasn’t sure and he’s really good-looking (mine is just above average) although he’s not certain about long distance relationship, he still agreed to start a relationship with me. He once said if we break up due to LDR, he wanted us to be best friends, and I agreed.
It’s an official relationship. Every single of our friends and family knows we are in love.
However, things changed drastically when I’m back to Taipei-we Skype every day if not twice a day. We were arguing small stuff due to time zone difference. We both feel unloved because of the huge contrast between the trip and the present. I kept doing things like crying and picking on small things which is not my usual behavior to draw his attention and so did he. It’s very tiring for me to keep this relationship going as he kept throwing tantrum on me. He’s been very different from what he’s like when we were still friends.
Soon he broke up with me after a month of LDR and said his love wasn’t that strong. He said he was betrayed by his ex girlfriend and he didn’t want to get hurt this time. He felt lonely and unsupported because I wasn’t physically around him. He couldn’t see our future as he might not settle down in Taipei. He stated that he still wanted to be good friends even we are not dating.
I feel devastated. I started no contact for almost 5 months, and I saw your website, and recovered, realizing what my problems are. He will be coming back to Taipei for summer soon, and I want him to know that I knew what “my problems” were and now I’m totally different. I’m a stronger, more confident woman who doesn’t need his approval of self esteem.
I need to see him because I left some stuff in his place and I want to take it back!

He didn’t contact me since then. I assumed he’s dating someone else.

I don’t want to start a relationship immediately with him and I don’t want to be friend zone.
What shall I do, Mark? When should I text him? Or should I wait for his text? How can I show him I have changed without being too obvious?

Thank you, Mark!

Hi Mark,

Thanks for the great articles! I had an issue come up while speaking to me ex. We’d been fairly close although he has a rebound/female “friend” who is married but obviously wants to have him in her life. She looked him up out of the blue and started contacting him all the time though he hadn’t known her well and she was an acquaintance years ago. It seems so weird. I talked to him about that relationship and said I was worried for him. I also said negative things about his actions towards me. I don’t know exactly what happened, but could kick myself for saying some things. I was very tired and should have ended the call. If only I had. At the end of the call he basically said we should not be in contact for a while and he might not have time in the future for our friendship if he was spending time with his rebound. Please help with any advice on the next step. I really can’t believe my error. It was so unlike me. I guess jealousy got the better of me. I feel so regretful and am usually not in that position..