My Ex Boyfriend Is Not On My Side – What Should I Do To Get Him Back?

Recently, I saw 2 comments on my blog that is related to the topic above.

So I decided to create a post to address this topic.

Here are the 2 questions:

1. Hello, I was wondering. My boyfriend broke up with me because his family are racist, and would never accept me. we wasn’t together for that long, so of course, he wouldn’t be willing to become ostracized from his family for me at this point. What would my affirmations be? I want to do everything I can to get him back!

2. Hi Mark,

I have faced the situation as the comment above. However, my ex-bf’s mother didn’t like me at the beginning, even we never met before. And after breaking up for 3 months, I found out that It also came from my personality as well. But the difference race and family background are the most important. You know, when people don’t like you at the first place whatever you do is always wrong. I was not that good girl but now I realized that what I should do.

Any suggestion for that?

Thanks in advance

Who Should Read This:

My answer is not just relevant to racist situation.

Basically, if your boyfriend is not on your side, this article will be relevant to you.

Here is my answer:

If you are in similar situation, the first question you need to ask yourself is this:

Is your boyfriend on your side?

If he is, then the relationship is worth saving. If he isn’t, you should think twice.

The fact that your boyfriend has broken up with you probably means he is not on your side. That is why he is now your ex.

This is a very big problem.

Let me use an analogy here:

A relationship is just like an enemy. Yes, I know this is not the most appropriate analogy but I hope it can help you see what you are getting yourself into.

I am sure you agree with me that even without other enemies, building a great relationship is already not easy. Let’s add your boyfriend’s family into the equation.

Now, you are fighting against 2 enemies, the relationship and your boyfriend’s family.

I am sure you can see how hard this battle can be. If your boyfriend is on your side, this battle can be won with the right strategies in place.

But what if your boyfriend is not on your side but choose to side with his family instead?

Now, you are fighting against 3 enemies!

Even if you manage to win this battle, you are going to be seriously wounded (resentment, disappointment, anger, helplessness, unhappiness and a whole lot of negative emotions).

I don’t know about you. If I have a choice, I wouldn’t want to fight this battle. I would rather fight another battle where I know my partner will be on my side.

The fact is, if your boyfriend is on your side, it is probably not going to seriously affect his relationship with his family. They are his family after all.

On the other hand, if your boyfriend is not on your side, it is definitely going to affect your relationship with him. You are going to resent him. Yet, you can’t really blame him because you chose to fight this battle when you have the choice not to.

At the end of the day, you want to date a man who can make his own decision and will protect you. You don’t want to date a mummy’s boy.

Conclusion

If you are in similar situation, you should only consider staying in the relationship if your boyfriend is on your side.

When both of you are working together, you can overcome any obstacles. When you are working alone, the relationship is probably doom from the start. Most probably, you are more into him than he is into you.

I know it is not easy for you to let go. You are trying to get your ex boyfriend back because you love him. But does he love you? You should think long term. One year later, if your boyfriend is still not supporting you, how would you feel? You will be filled with resentment rather than love.

Also, try not to give your ex boyfriend excuses. Don’t say something like “he is not on my side because we were together for only a short time”.

The beginning of a relationship is usually the honeymoon phase. If he is not siding with you now, he is probably not going to even after a long time together. In fact, the situation may become worse.

So move on fast. You are probably going to feel lousy for a few weeks but don’t worry. You should recover in a few weeks time.

If you are in a similar situation but still believe that your relationship is worth saving, then sign up for my newsletter below. I believe with the information I share with you in my newsletter, you are going to stand a much better chance to get your ex back.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 16 comments

Angel

Hi Mark,
Thank you soooo much for your advice. I do appreciate for that . Actually, I CRIED when I was reading it. Thank you so much. You are right that this relationship is not worth to fighting for. My Ex and I had been relationship almost 2 years and we had been facing for that problem for a year. He promised me that I would never left me because of that reason but since he THOUGHT he was too hurt too handle it, then he left me behind. We said that it might have a way we just need time. However, after breaking up for a month he finally avoided me and now offically blocked all my contact. Yes, it is pretty hurt. We was friends for years and i did trust him. By the way, I am trying to let go. I am getting better everyday but still cry sometimes. And I know I deserve better. I deserve to be happy.

Thank you Mark.
cheers.

Mark

Hi Angel,

You are welcome. I am glad the article has helped you. I am sure you will find a man who will treasure you and stand by your side. All the best.

Diksha

Hey Mark,
I just go through page. I had 4 years serious relationship in which we planned our marriage , our family . We were perfect for each other but one thing differs i.e. religion. We both practice different religion, he have no issue with me but he said his family wont allow us to get marry and broke up with me.
I dont know how to make him understand or what should i do now…
Please help me in this regard.

Mark

The only way is to increase your emotional connection with him. When he has a strong emotional connection with you, even when everyone around him object to the relationship, he will still want to be with you. I will talk about emotional connection in my new article. Read my announcement here.

nejone

Me and my 5 years ex BF broke up last oct 2014, i still want him back, i am desperate. i made a lot of mistake, pleading and begging and convincing him to get back to me but no good respond. He become more distance. Now he date new girl, when we were in a relationship, he and this girl are so close, they went fine dining together, but he said he didn’t cheat.

How can i have him back altoough he has new girlfriend??

nejone

please help me.

nejone

1. should i apply no contact for 1 month? will he forget me and become more closer to his new girlfriend?? what to do after no contact?
2. Should i keep contact him and say i love you to him??? is it a bad idea?

I dont want to move on, i want to get him back. i pray everyday to god so miracle happend…….. because i love him so much. maybe he just bored with the relationship. the relationship still can be fixed but he dont want.

He said he didn’t love me anymore..
what to do

Mark

You have been in a relationship for 5 years after all. So I don’t think he will ever forget you. As for whether he will become closer to his new girlfriend, there is a possibility that it might just be a rebound relationship. You can read more about rebound relationships here and learn what you should do.

As for applying no contact for 1 month, you need to understand that no contact alone doesn’t change anything. It is actually what you do during no contact that makes the difference. I written a very detailed article on what you should do during no contact. You can read it here.

At this stage, your emotional connection with him is extremely low. So there is no point telling him how much you love him. He already knows that. Even if you tell him again, that is not going to inspire him to get back together with you.

The key to getting your ex back is to focus on the emotional connection. Don’t worry when he says he didn’t love you anymore. It is a just matter of content vs context.

FIORELLA DE LA COLINA

Hi Mark ,

I have a question… my love and I were just fine .. he was writing me everyday and then it stopped… he wasnt writing me or calling often.. so i got really mad cuz he promised he would change that… that he was going to be more attentive etc… so i told him i was tired of him taking me for granted.. that he was breaking my heart over and over.. with his attitude.. and that he was always lying to me and playing games.. that i was too old for him that i didnt need more games and bye… after a week i got sad cuz he never wrote me anything… and i texted him telling him i was missing him but i knew he wasnt … and i told him not to worry that i was going to leave him alone… and still no response… the last message was not even read… only silence..
what should i do? what is he thinking? we always fight about the same…

help me Mark!!!

Mark

So you were in a long distance relationship with him? How long have you been together? What do you mean by always lying to you and always playing games? Can you be more specific?

Anyway, there is no way for me to know what he is thinking or what is happening just based on the information you have given. I will need more details to be able to give you any meaningful suggestions.

Areya

Hey Mark ,
My situation too is similar to above. We were together for a year and it was a perfect relationship. Before that we were best friends for five years. We had planned about it well as we were serious about it and thought that down the years we would tell our parents about it. However , before time his mom got to know about it and due to cultural differences , she told him to break up with me.
He is a very emotional person so he took time to tell me this. When he did tell me this he declared it was over and we would never be together although he loves me. I was shattered. First few days I looked desperate but then I calmed down and we both tried to minimize contact. It’s been 45 days since the breakup , recently when I asked him if we could over as friends he declined and blocked me everywhere.we have just met once after 15 days of breakup and it was a bad scenario as he didn’t speak then and didn’t even make continuous eye contact. I know he is scared what the future holds for us. But somewhere deep down my heart I feel this is meant to be and he will find confidence and come back sooner or later. How should I handle this situation now ? I know he would also be happy to come back to me. It’s his family that he is scared of. Should I tried to fill him with positivity even when he has broken all contact or just wait till he gets over the current situation and in a state to talk to me ?

Mark

Avoid saying anything about the relationship or getting back together at this initial stage. This will push him away.

Focus on the emotional connection. Hopefully, when the emotional connection is strong enough, he will find the courage to go after what he wants.

With that said, you don’t want to wait for him forever. If you really want to give this relationship another shot, set a deadline, say 6 months or 1 year. How long you want to wait is up to you.

If he still doesn’t have the courage, then maybe it is time for you to move on. You can’t wait for him forever. After all, you want a man who is not afraid to go after what he wants. If he doesn’t even dare to go for what he wants, then he doesn’t deserve you.

bella

Me and my bf broke up a month ago and 2 days ago. I text him to show that i am fine with the breakup. But actually I am not fine. He didn’t reply a single text and he blocked me every where.i I know he loves me but due to some family problem he broke up with me and asked me to move on, and I want him to contact me so please help me!!!!

Mark

Actually it is not a good idea to pretend to be fine when you are not. It often backfires.

Your ex is going through a hard time now. So when you pretend to be happy, it is like rubbing salt in the wound. That’s being insensitive. That is probably why he decided to block you.

So make sure you learn from this mistake. Don’t play any mind games. Don’t blindly follow the manipulative advice you see on some get your ex back websites.

Since he decided to block you for now, there is nothing much you can do at the moment. But don’t worry too much. Just because he blocks you now doesn’t mean he will block you forever. Give him some time for his emotions to settle. Try reaching out to him again a few weeks later.

Most probably, you will still be able to reach him through email.

Daisy

I have not spoken or texted my ex since last November. He accused me of doing something that I have not. FB got involved and it was a nasty break up. He texted me rapid fire for about 2 weeks. I did not respond. He is getting nastier and nastier with each text. I mean NASTY. He’s at the point of no return. He says he hates everything about me. I know different. How long will this go on??

Hello!
My story: my ex broke up with me in Sept. for fear of commitment. It was basically about childish misunderstandings and his own fears, but he wasn`t willing to talk. I acted needy, but not too much time.
In December I contacted him and he replied right away and we kept sending 1 text/day. I acted needy when he started to act hot/cold. He has never initiated contact (why would he, I did all the job for him..), but he kept replying to my texts within minutes. I panicked, as you say in your article, when he started to withdraw, so I started sending more texts.
I have finally calmed down and I feel it. It`s been a week since I asked him how he was and I got no reply. I will definitely not contact him anymore, but as before, when I ignore him, I get a stupid like on Fb as if he wouldn`t want to be forgotten.
But again, I am happy to be calm and not to rush into anything. I understand from his behavior that he needs space. I am not sure I want him back, as I don`t trust him anymore because of him disappearing on me when he wanted to break up, but I do want to have a discussion with him. What do you think is the best way to approach him? Time, right? and acceptance that this might never happen :-) .
Thank you!

My Ex Boyfriend Is Not On My Side – What Should I Do To Get Him Back?

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