How To Get Your Ex Back From A Rebound Relationship

I won’t be surprised if you have already read a lot of articles about rebound relationships before you came here.

So what makes this article different from the rest?

Well, because I will be covering this topic from 2 different perspectives.

1. If you want to get your ex back from a rebound relationship, what you are going to learn here can increase your chances of success.

2. If you are the rebound and want to turn the relationship into something real, you should pay attention to what I say in this article too.

And for the men who landed on this page and want to know whether this article is relevant to you, the answer is yes. What I will be covering in this article is relevant to both men and women.


Why 2 Different Perspectives?

The Sun Tzu Art of War says,

Know thy enemy,
Know thyself,
Fight Hundred Battles,
Win Hundred Battles.

Now with that said, I don’t think it is appropriate to use the word “enemy”. After all, she is not really fighting a battle of life and death with you.

Perhaps a better word to use is “competitor”. In fact, even “competitor” is not that suitable because you are not really competing with anyone here.

The key to getting your ex back is actually to focus on yourself and the emotional connection between you and your ex. I will explain more about this later.

For the rest of this article, I am simply using the word “competitor” out of convenience because I can’t think of a better word to use right now.

However, I don’t want you to have this aggressive or competitive attitude towards the other woman because it is not conducive to getting your ex back.

Anyway, regardless of which side you are on, by knowing more about yourself and your competitor, you will have an unfair advantage.


Basically, here are the 4 areas you want to know.

1. Your Strength

What you can do to improve your emotional connection with your ex.


2. Your Weakness

What you may unknowingly do to sabotage your own chances. After reading this article, you are less likely to make these mistakes.


3. Your Competitor’s Strength

What advantages your competitor has over you.

Chances are you don’t have to worry too much about it. Most probably, your competitor will not leverage her advantages.


I will tell you later.


4. Your Competitor’s Weakness

What your competitor may do to push your ex away.

You are probably going to see a lot of them. That is why it is so important for you to learn this information so that you can leverage your strength when your competitor show her weaknesses.

By having this information at the back of your fingertips, you are more likely to come up with an effective strategy to help you save your relationship. You will know how to respond according to the situation.

If all these things sound confusing to you so far, don’t worry.

Things will get clearer after you finish reading this article.

In fact, you may want to read this article a few times to let the information sink into your head as I am going to cover quite a lot of stuff here.


What Exactly Is a Rebound Relationship? 

A rebound relationship is often defined as a new relationship that started soon after ending a significant relationship, usually for the purpose of distracting oneself from thinking about the old relationship.

At least that is the definition that you get from many relationship websites.

However, I have a slightly different opinion. I do agree that most rebound relationships are started shortly after a breakup but there are always exceptions.

After all, how short is short?

Is the relationship considered a rebound if it is started 3 months after breaking up?

How about 6 months?

What about a year?

These are common questions that I often see.

I think the emphasis here is more on the emotions rather then the time elasped. A new relationship can be started one year after a breakup and still be considered a rebound if the emotions have not been properly dealt with.

In fact, in real life, I know there are people who still can’t let go of their ex even though it has been 10 years or more since the breakup.

So much so that it is interfering with their ability to form a healthy relationship with someone else.

These people may find themselves getting into one new relationship after another but ultimately none of them will work because at the back of their mind, that particular ex is still the best.

As far as I am concern, I consider these relationships as a form of rebound even though they may not necessary be started “shortly” after a breakup.

Of course, I am writing this article based on the assumption that most of you reading this have only broken up with your ex for less than one year.

Therefore, you don’t have to worry too much about the 10 years example. I am simply using that example to illustrate to you that you can’t judge whether a relationship is a rebound simply by using the time factor.

So if you are wondering whether your ex’s new relationship is a rebound, don’t place so much emphasis on the time.

Don’t worry about whether the new relationship is started immediately, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or 1 year after the breakup.

Instead, look at how your ex is dealing with his emotions.

With that said, do take note that it is not always apparent whether your ex is rebounding.

Just because your ex seems happy in his current relationship doesn’t necessary mean it is not a rebound.

But what if the relationship really isn’t a rebound?

Well, it may still be possible to get your ex back if you play your cards right.

So don’t automatically take yourself out of the picture so soon. After all, you won’t know who your ex will choose eventually if you don’t give it your best shot.


How to Tell Whether Your Ex Is Indeed In A Rebound Relationship

One possible sign is that your ex is dating someone who seems to be completely different from you.

Another possible sign is if your ex keeps telling you how great his current relationship is. We shall discuss more about this later.

For now, I want to focus on the third sign, which is the speed of progress of the new relationship.

For example, maybe when you were together with your ex, he only introduces you to his friends and family after 6 months.

But now, it is only 2 weeks into his new relationship and his friends and family have already met the new girl. In fact, he has also met all important people in her life.

And here is a classic one.

Finding out that your ex is engaged.

It is definitely a big blow for you to find out that your ex is getting married so soon after the breakup.

But before you throw in the towel, I am going to tell you that it may be too early for you to give up.

Most probably, the marriage will not come to fruition. In fact, it is highly likely that the rebound relationship is going to end very soon.

Why is that so?

As mentioned above, people usually get into a rebound relationship in order to distract themselves from thinking about the old relationship.

In other words, they are simply suppressing their negative emotions. However, they can only suppress their negative emotions for so long. Eventually, they will have to deal with them.

What is likely to happen is that as the date of marriage draws near, your ex is going to get increasingly disturbed about his decision.

He is going to question himself about why he is even marrying a girl that he hardly knew. In other words, he will start “waking up”.

From this moment onwards, he is going to feel very conflicted.

On one hand, he wants to breakup with that girl. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to be a jerk and dump her when they were already talking about marriage.

Of course, there are other factors such as ego that may be stopping him from breaking up with the rebound.

After all, it can be pretty embarrassing when you have already announced to all your friends and family that you are getting married only to tell them later that the wedding is cancelled.

So don’t be surprised if the breakup happen at the very last minute, like maybe a few weeks or even a few days before the wedding.

This is especially true if your ex happens to be someone who is very indecisive or non confrontational in nature. Usually, people with this type of personality tend to procrastinate and avoid making important decision until the very last minute.


You may be wondering why I am actually telling you all these things.

First, I don’t want you to panic unnecessarily. Knowing all these things in advance will help you deal with the situation better.

Second and more importantly, I want you to know what your ex may potentially be going through. After all, one of the key attributes you need to have if you want to get your ex back is empathy.

If you don’t know how to support him emotionally during this trying period, at least don’t go and add unnecessary drama to his life. Don’t beg him not to get married.

Remember, just because the rebound relationship ended doesn’t necessary mean he will want to get back together with you. If you actually created drama during the trying period, you will sabotage your own chances.


Can A Rebound Relationship Work?

Most rebound relationships don’t work because they are often started for the wrong reasons.

Of course, the keyword here is “most”.

In other words, there are some relationships that may start off as a rebound and eventually work.

You probably know it already. It is just common sense. There will definitely be some rebound relationships that can work.

Let’s be honest here. I believe you don’t really care whether other rebound relationships can work because it is none of your business.

What you are really interested to know is whether your ex’s rebound relationships will work, isn’t it?

Well, there are 2 main factors that will determine the outcome of your ex’s rebound relationship.

The first factor is your competitor.

The second factor is obviously you.

If you happen to have an extremely secure and emotionally matured competitor who knows what she is doing, then she might just be able to make the rebound work.

With that said, I don’t think you have to worry too much about your competitor.

A secure competitor is more of an exception rather than the norm. Most probably, your competitor is going to be very insecure especially if they know your ex is still in contact with you.

Even if you happen to have a strong competitor, it is not like you can do anything about it since you have no control over other people. So you might as well focus on what you have control over, which is you.


The First Step of Getting Your Ex Back From A Rebound Relationship

Whether your ex is dating someone else or not, and whether the new relationship is a rebound, the first step of getting your ex back is still the same.

It has to start from you working on yourself first. This is because if you are still operating out of fear, even if you know what I am going to share with you intellectually, you will still have the tendency to work against your own interest and sabotage yourself.

You may wonder what exactly do I mean by working on yourself. It is so vague, isn’t it?

Well, I have already written a pretty long and detailed article about it. So if you want more information on how exactly to work on yourself, you can read this article: What It Really Takes to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back.


What Can Potentially Happen When Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship

Now, it is time for you to discover what may happen along the way when you are trying to get your ex back from a rebound relationship.

By knowing them in advance, at least you can be prepared. More importantly, you are less likely to panic or over react and end up making the wrong decision.

Do take note that not every situation described below will happen to you. They are simply possibilities.

In general, the more insecure your competitor is and the more you are able to connect with your ex at a deeper emotional level, the more likely some (not all) of the situations described below are going to happen.


Your Ex May Seem Very Happy In His New Relationship

If you still remember, at the beginning of this article, I told you that it is not always obvious whether your ex is in a rebound relationship,

Maybe your ex seems to be really happy in his new relationship. Maybe you see him posting a lot of happy photos on Facebook.

So you feel really crushed. All kinds of doubts started creeping into your mind.

You started asking:

Does our relationship mean anything to him? Why is he moving on so fast?

Is it even worth trying?

Before you start getting too emotional and entertain all kinds of negative thoughts, I want you to start considering other possibilities.

Maybe he is just pretending to be happy? Maybe it is just the honeymoon phase of the new relationship?

First, let’s talk about the Facebook stuff. How often do you see people posting sad photos of themselves?

Probably not very often. After all, people don’t want to air their dirty linen in public.
And how many people actually take photos when they are sad?

In fact, you have probably heard of stories about people breaking up out of the blue even though a few weeks ago, they have posted many photos on Facebook.

So why take those happy photos so seriously?

Maybe you will ask, “What if he is truly happy in his new relationship?”

Well, I am not going to rule out that possibility. What I am trying to tell you here is not to jump into conclusion and be open to other possibilities.

Don’t just give in to the first negative thought that comes into your mind. Get the facts right first.

To know whether he is truly happy, it may take some time for the truth to unveil.

Eventually, you may start finding out that he is actually quite unhappy. By then, you will be able to confirm that his new relationship is indeed a rebound.


Your Ex May Tell You How Good His Current Relationship Is

Alright, this is even worse, isn’t it?

Instead of you drawing conclusion that he is happy, now you are hearing it from the horse’s mouth.

If he is telling you that he is happy, it must be the truth right?

Once again, before you take what he says too seriously and decided to give up, I want you to consider other possibilities.

Here are some possible reasons why he is telling you so.


1. He Doesn’t Want to Waste Your Time

At this stage, he hasn’t got enough time to see how much you have changed and improved (assuming that you have been putting in serious effort to work on yourself).

Therefore, he doesn’t see himself getting back together with you at this stage. Telling you that he is happy in his new relationship is his way of letting you down gently.


2. He Is Trying to Convince Himself

Maybe it is due to ego or some other reasons, he is trying to convince himself that he has made the right decision to get into the new relationship.

After all, it is human nature not to want to appear stupid in front of other people. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have made a mistake.


3.He Is Trying to Make You Jealous

However, I think the two reasons mentioned above are much more likely.

Besides the three mentioned above, there may be other reasons why he tells you he is happy.

The important lesson for you to take away is that you shouldn’t be so easily discouraged by what he says.

Like I mentioned above, get the facts right first.

By now, you probably have a question. You want to know how to tell whether he is really telling the truth or just lying to you that he is happy. Obviously, you know it is not a good idea to ask him whether he is telling the truth.

Well, a little bit of awareness will help you here. If you have a certain level of awareness, you will probably be able to sense that something is not right, that he is not really as happy as he claims.

That is why I told you earlier that it is extremely important to work on yourself. If you are still hurting and you didn’t take the time to develop your awareness, then what he says will probably crush you emotionally.

A tell tale sign that he is lying to you is that he seems to be trying very hard to convince you about his happiness. After all, a truly happy person don’t need to go around to tell people that he is happy. You can probably see it from the “glow” on his face. Once again, awareness will come in handy here.


Your Ex May Tell You How Bad His Current Relationship Is

At the initial stages, when your ex is still trying to resist you, he may tell you how happy he is in the new relationship.

If you managed to survive the initial stages and not get thrown off by what he says and instead just focus on connecting with him on a deeper emotional level, eventually your ex will stop resisting you.

Instead, he will start to trust you more. He will start to be more vulnerable with you.

So don’t be surprise if he starts telling you how bad his current relationship is.

With that said, I am going to give you a warning.

Don’t over react.

What I noticed is that a lot of people get very edgy when they hear their ex talking about their rebound relationship.

I know it doesn’t feel good for you to hear him talking about his rebound relationship.
However, you need to understand that it is not necessary a bad thing.

It may actually be a good sign.

One reason why so many people fail to get their ex back is because they mistake a good sign for a bad one.

They have this tendency to think negatively. They will start wondering whether their ex is playing mind games on them or trying to lead them on.

What they didn’t realize is that their ex is simply being vulnerable.

So make sure you don’t make the same mistake. The wrong thinking will cause you to do the wrong things and sabotage yourself.

Let say you think your ex is playing mind games on you. How do you think you will react? Maybe you will be sarcastic to him and push him away.

On the other hand, if you can recognize that he is just being vulnerable with you, you will be able to empathize with him. Don’t you think that will help you score more points with your ex?

Can you see the difference?

Can you see how a small change in thinking can give you an entirely different outcome?


How Long Does A Rebound Relationship Last?

As much as you want to know the answer, I have to tell you that this question is quite meaningless.

After all, the best answer I can give you is the standard answer, which is anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.

How helpful is that answer to you? Will knowing that help you get your ex back? Probably not.

So let’s forget about all those impractical stuff.

Instead, I am going to tell you something very useful and practical.

Let say you have managed to survive the initial stage where your ex is resisting you, telling you how good his relationship is.

Let say you managed to survive the next stage where your ex is starting to open up to you, telling you how bad his relationship is.

Now, you are at a stage where your emotional connection with him is very strong.

It almost feels like you are back together, except that you are not really back together. In fact, he is still in the rebound relationship.

And that is where a lot of people may screw up. That is why I need to give you an advance warning so that you won’t make the same mistake if you managed to progress this far.

I have one word for you – patience!

You see, a lot of people screw up because of impatience.

They started to think whether their ex is stringing them along or is trying to have the cake and eat it too.

They started becoming insecure. Therefore, they started putting pressure on their ex to breakup with the rebound or they give their ex an ultimatum.

Don’t do that!

You know there is a Chinese saying, “One wrong chess move and you lose the entire game”.

It means you are already in total control of the situation. However, if you make one wrong move due to carelessness or impatience, it is still possible to lose the entire game.

It perfectly describe your situation.

If you managed to have such a strong emotional connection with your ex, you are already 80% of the way to getting your ex back.

I believe it wasn’t easy for you to get so far. Most people will probably spent at least 4 months or more to reach the 80% mark.

So let me ask you.

Is it worth it to waste 4 months of your effort because of impatience?

You have to learn to put yourself in the shoes of your ex.

Just because you are starting to have a very strong emotional connection with your ex doesn’t mean he is going to breakup with his rebound immediately.

You have to understand that breaking up is not an easy thing to do. I know this may sound strange to you. After all, didn’t your ex already breakup with you (assuming your ex was the one who initiated the breakup)?

Well, most probably, your ex had been thinking of breaking up at least a few weeks or even a few months before actually breaking the news to you.

Therefore, your ex will probably need some time before he breakup with the rebound.

In fact, do you know that your ex may be going through an emotional turmoil?

After all, it is going to be a very hard decision for your ex. As far as your ex is concerned, he broke up with you for a reason.

The last thing he wants is to get back together with you only to find out that he is walking back into the same old relationship. He doesn’t want to break up with you again because it will hurt both of you.

To him, getting back together with you is a risk. Therefore, he needs to be absolutely sure you are the better choice for him before he can make a firm decision to breakup with the rebound.

So what you need to do is not to force him to leave the rebound relationship. Instead, you need to focus on deepening your emotional connection with him and eventually, he will breakup with the rebound.

In fact, don’t be surprised if he started telling you that he is considering breaking up with the rebound. Or if he has difficulty breaking up, he may even tell you the reasons and ask you to give him some time.

You role here is to be understanding, not to put pressure on him.


Your Ex May Cut Off Contact With You

There is no fixed timing on when your ex will stop contacting you. It can happen in the beginning of the rebound relationship or it can happen much later.

With that said, please don’t automatically assume that your ex is in a rebound relationship if they stop contacting you.

I am simply telling you that when your ex is in a rebound relationship, they may cut off contact with you. And it is just a possibility, not a certainty.

The reverse is not necessary true. Just because your ex cut off contact with you doesn’t mean they are dating someone else.

I find it necessary to mention this because after helping people with their breakup for the past few years, I noticed that a lot of people have this tendency to think of the worst case scenario.

This kind of thinking can cause you to do the wrong things and push your ex away. So make sure you don’t assume that your ex is dating someone unless you have real hard evidence.

Next, let’s discuss why your ex may cut off contact with you when they are in a rebound.


Why Your Ex May Cut Off Contact With You In The Beginning of His Rebound Relationship

Because he is serious about his new relationship.


“He is serious!”

“Oh no! Do I still have a chance?”

Alright, alright.

Before you start panicking, let’s put things into perspective.

You probably don’t have to worry too much about his seriousness.

I believe that your ex is not a jerk.

In other words, he is not out there, actively hunting for victims to get into a rebound relationship with him so that he can heal himself and after achieving his objective, dump them.

He really believes that (or should I say he really wants to believe that) this new relationship is the right one for him. That is why he is serious about her. In order to prove to himself that he is serious, he may decide to cut off contact with you on his own accord.

It may also be the request of your competitor for him to stop contacting you. Therefore, he is just respecting her wish to prove that he is serious about her.

The problem here is that he is not just 100% serious.

Often, what you see in a typical rebound relationship is 200% or even 300% seriousness. Too much of a good thing is not so good after all.

People try to move too fast in a rebound, even to the extent of getting engaged after a few months.

However, as mentioned in the beginning of this article, your ex will eventually start to question what he is doing.

Why is he getting so serious so soon about someone he barely knew.


Why Your Ex May Cut Off Contact With You When Things Are Progressing Well

This can be really frustrating.

Unlike the situation above, your ex is actually open to contact with you.

Maybe in the beginning of the rebound, your competitor has expressed concern about him meeting you.

However, he reassured her that both of you are just friends and there is nothing to worry about.

Therefore, you still have a chance to be in contact with your ex.

If you have been doing things right, you may notice that your ex is starting to open up to you.

Just when everything seems to be going well, suddenly he stop contacting you.


Most probably, it is because your competitor is starting to get very insecure, to the extent that she is creating a lot of drama.

In order to appease her and avoid the drama, your ex decided that the best thing to do is to cut off contact with you.

Maybe your ex will just cut you off directly without telling you why.

But what is more likely to happen, assuming both of you have been interacting well, is that he will tell you why he has to stop contacting you.

The best thing you can do now is to be the graceful woman but try to leave the door open so that it is easier for you to enter the room next time.

For example, you don’t want to say, “Fine, I will respect your wish and not contact you again.”

It makes you look petty and that is certainly not going to help you win your ex’s affection.

A much better response will be “I know you are in a tough situation right now and I don’t want to put you in a spot. I will stop contacting you.”

This is a much better response because it shows that you understand the difficult situation he is in. However, it is still far from perfect because you are sort of closing the door.

The next time you want to contact him, it may be a little weird. After all, didn’t you say you will stop contacting him?

The best response will be something like “I know you are in a tough situation right now and I don’t want to put you in a spot. I will stop contacting you for the time being. However, I really enjoy talking to you and I hope we can get in touch again in the future.”

This helps you keep the door open and your ex will probably agree.


What You Have Learned So Far

So far, you have learned that when you are trying to get your ex back from a rebound relationship, you may face the following situations:

1. Your ex may move the relationship too fast, even to the extent of planning to get married.

2. Your ex may seem very happy in his new relationship.

3. Your ex may tell you how good his new relationship is.

4. Your ex may tell you how bad his new relationship is.

5. Your ex may cut off contact with you or request that you stop contacting him.

These situations are quite common and it is very likely that you will encounter at least one of them. Hopefully, with the information you have learned so far, you are now more prepared to handle them.

With that said, I know you may still have many questions.

In the ideal world, I would love to write an article that can address every single question you have.

However, in the real world, it is simply impossible for me to do so.

For example, I told you what you shouldn’t do if you know your ex is getting married. But I never told you what to do.

So some people may ask me questions like whether they should contact their ex, how often to contact their ex and what they should say.

I didn’t give you an answer here because every situation is different and may require a different approach.

After all, I don’t know your current emotional state.

If you are still very emotional over the breakup, you shouldn’t contact him yet as your emotions may cause you to do something that push him away.

I don’t know your ex’s last impression of you.

If your last few interactions with him were positive, then you can probably contact him more often. Otherwise, it may be better to reduce the frequency until he starts opening up again.

I don’t know how much your ex trust you.

If your ex don’t really trust you yet, you can say things with good intention but your ex may interpret what you say in a different way.

That is why it is impossible for me to tell you what to do for every single situation.

Which is why I encourage you to develop the skills I mentioned in this article.

When you have a good mastery of these skills, you will be able to feel into the situation and know what you need to do. You don’t have to keep on relying on relationship experts to give you the answers.


Strengths and Weaknesses

Remember in the beginning of this article, we talked about the importance of both you and your competitor’s strengths and weaknesses?

Now it’s time for us to go into more details.


Your Strengths

Do you know that you actually have a huge advantage over your competitor?

Why is that so?

Because of the decoy effect, which you can leverage to significantly increase your chances of getting your ex back from a rebound relationship.

Since this is a pretty long article, I don’t want to confuse you by introducing you too many new concepts at once. So I decided to share with you more about the decoy effect in my newsletter instead.

If you are really serious about getting your ex back from the rebound and you want to learn more about the decoy effect, you can sign up for my newsletter here. On day 4 of my newsletter, I will be sending you a video that explains the decoy effect in more details.

For now, you just need to know two things.

1. If you know how to leverage the decoy effect, your chances of getting your ex back is around 80%.

2. The best way to leverage the decoy effect is to become the best version of yourself.

I know you may find it hard to believe. Hopefully, after watching the video that I am going to share with you on Day 4 of my newsletter, it will increase your confidence.


Your Weaknesses

Your main weakness is your tendency to over react when you learned that your ex is in a rebound relationship.

That is the reason why I spent a good portion of this article telling you what are the possible situations you may face so that you don’t act out on your ex or throw in the towel too early.

If you have taken the time to read and digest the information I shared with you so far, I am pretty sure it can minimize your weakness.

That is also the reason why I said it is important to heal yourself first before you try to get your ex back, especially when they are in a relationship with someone else.

If you are not properly healed, you won’t have the emotional strength to do the right things.

Another weakness is that you and your ex broke up for a reason. Yes, I know it sounds cliche but that’s true, isn’t it?

Usually, people breakup because they didn’t have the proper relationship skills to handle small problems in a relationship. Eventually, small problems become big problems and eventually lead to a breakup.

That is why it is so important for you to work on yourself and develop new relationship skills so that you know how to fix those problems.

After all, your ex will only consider getting back together with you if they can see that you have changed for the better and they are not going back into the same old relationship.


Your Competitor’s Strengths

Most rebound relationships don’t work but we cannot deny the fact that some will.

So what makes a rebound relationship work?

When you have a strong competitor who knows what she is doing.

She knows your ex has just broken up and haven’t really got over the old relationship.

Therefore, she doesn’t try to push for a commitment. In fact, she encourages him and gives him a lot of space to process his own emotions.

She has excellent communication and listening skills. She knows how to listen without passing any judgement. She knows how to connect with your ex on a deep emotional level.

She is extremely secure about herself and doesn’t get jealous easily. She trust him and isn’t worried about him meeting his ex.

While your ex may want to move the relationship fast, she knows how to control the pace of the relationship and keep it at a healthy level.

When your competitor is equipped with all these skills, she will be able to leverage her main advantage over you, which is close proximity with your ex.

With that said, I told you in the beginning of this article that you don’t have to worry too much.

Because most probably, your competitor will not know how to leverage her advantage.

Why is that so?

Because most people are insecure. They don’t have these relationship skills.

So the chances of you facing such a strong competitor is extremely low.

Let’s face it. Most people won’t even bother to learn new relationship skills unless they have problems in their relationship.

Let’s be honest here. Don’t deny it. If I am not wrong, you probably won’t bother to learn about all these things if you haven’t gone through a breakup. At least, that’s true for most people. Maybe you are the exception, I don’t know.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking down to you. After all, I am as guilty as you in this respect. So I am not judging you in anyway.

I am simply stating the fact that most people won’t bother to learn new relationship skills until they hit a crisis in their relationship.

So you probably don’t have to worry about having a strong competitor.


Your Competitor’s Weakness

If you need more reassurance, let me say it again. Most people will not face a strong competitor.

Therefore, you should not worry if you encounter situation such as your ex getting married.

Think about it. If your ex is moving the relationship really fast and your competitor is going along with it, what does this reveal about your competitor?

It shows that your competitor is probably quite inexperienced in relationship and probably quite insecure as well.

That means you will have a good chance to get your ex back if you have a good plan.

Also, if your competitor is creating a lot of drama, forcing your ex to have to stop contacting you, that doesn’t mean you have to give up.

Chances are her insecurity will eventually lead to the breakup of the rebound relationship. Even if your ex really stop contacting you, she will still be suspicious and end up arguing with your ex.

A person can only put up with nonsense for so long. Initially, your ex may try to pacify her. However, if this continues, he is going to breakup with her.

This kind of situation is very common.

Don’t be surprised if your ex contact you a few weeks to a few months later, telling you that he has just broken up with her.

So if you can spot any weaknesses in your competitor, don’t give up so easily if you believe that your relationship is worth saving.


There Is No Mind Games Involved Here

Please take note that I am not advocating any form of mind games here.

I know it may seem that way, especially if you just skim through the entire article without reading it carefully.

After all, I am not asking you to backstab your competitor or do anything unethical.
I am not asking you to exploit your competitor’s weaknesses.

What I am advocating here is “Personal Responsibility”.

I am simply telling you to put in the effort to become the best version of yourself so that you can dramatically increase your chances of getting your ex back.

While you are trying to get your ex back, your competitor may feel insecure and show all kinds of weaknesses.

However, you need to understand that your competitor’s behavior and emotional state is not your responsibility.

I will use an analogy here.

Let say you are in a very competitive work environment. You are extremely talented and hardworking and always give your best while your colleagues are simply lazing around.

This makes some of your colleagues very insecure. Is it your fault that they are insecure?

Not at all. You are simply doing your best. You are not backstabbing or gossiping about them?

What’s wrong with that?

So it is the same for your relationship.

You are simply doing your best to get your ex back and you are doing it in an ethical way, which is to become the best version of yourself so that you can bring more value to your relationship.

What’s wrong with that?

Similarly, if you feel insecure because your ex is dating someone else, that’s not your competitor’s fault.

After all, you should take responsibility for your own emotional state. If you don’t, no one will take responsibility for you.

Of course, eventually, whether your ex chooses you, your competitor or none of you, that is your ex’s responsibility.

Everything I am saying here is all about “Personal Responsibility”.

In fact, if you believe that there is a future between you and your ex, but you don’t take the necessary action to get your ex back because you are afraid of failure or rejection, don’t you think that is very irresponsible of you?

Don’t you think you have let yourself down?

I don’t know whether you agree with me but I thought this is something you may want to think about.


What If You Are The Rebound?

Well, everything I mentioned in this article is relevant to you too.

Most probably, you are facing either one of these 2 situations now.

1. You are still in the relationship but realize that you may be the rebound and you are trying to figure out how to make this relationship work.

2. You have already broken up but you still want him back even though you are the rebound.


Let’s start with the first situation.

1. You are still in the relationship and want to make it work.

So you want to make a rebound relationship work? Then, become the strong competitor I talked about.

I have already mentioned the key attributes you need to have. You can read it again here.

Obviously, don’t sabotage yourself.

Don’t do things like checking his phone, whether secretly or openly.

No one likes to be doubted by their partner.

Don’t create drama just to stop him from seeing his ex. This is even more important if he really has valid reasons to see his ex such as they have kids together, or they are business partners etc.

In other words, don’t be a “small” petty woman. Don’t be insecure.

That is probably one of the biggest reasons why so many rebound relationships don’t work.

Their own insecurity hasten the demise of the relationship.

Instead, be the “bigger” woman. Be more magnanimous. Have more confidence in yourself.

I know it is easier said than done for many people. But really, if you want to make your relationship work, then it is your responsibility to learn how to take charge of your own emotions.


Let’s continue with the second situation.

2. You realize you are the rebound and you have broken up with your ex but you still want to save the relationship.

As mentioned earlier, people do take rebound relationship seriously, except that maybe they are a little bit too serious.

The important point is they have been serious before. So even if you are the rebound, chances are your ex will have some true feelings for you.

At the very least, they find you attractive enough to want to be in a relationship with you.

So it is not totally impossible to get back together.

Obviously, I am also assuming that you have a very good reason to get back together with your ex.

Maybe he is able to connect with you in a way that no other guys could. Maybe you think you have a lot more to offer compared to your competitor.

If you have really taken the time to think through it and really believe that this relationship is worth saving, then by all means go for it.

Don’t worry about whether you are the rebound or not.


Are You Worried That You Only Have A 20% Chance to Get Your Ex Back?

Perhaps you are worried because earlier, I mentioned that due to the decoy effect, your competitor has an 80% of getting her ex back.

In other words, it seems like you have a huge disadvantage.

Well, I don’t think you have to worry too much about that.

Before you think I am contradicting myself, let me explain.

The 80% chance is only valid if she leverages her advantages. In other words, she has to be so serious about saving the relationship that she actually put in a whole lot of effort to work on herself.

Unfortunately (or should I say fortunately for you), most people will not put in the necessary effort to save their relationship.

There are many reasons for that.


Some people allow negative thoughts to control them.

They don’t even believe that it is possible to get their ex back.

It doesn’t matter how much you want to get your ex back. If you don’t even believe that it is possible, you can have the best advice and you will not bother to implement them.


Some people will take shortcut to save their relationship.

Instead of learning new relationship skills so they can save their relationship in a healthy way, they take shortcut instead.

They focus on learning some magic words to say or some weird psychological tactics to manipulate their ex to get back together with them.

Sometimes, these tricks can work but usually, the result is temporary. Before you know it, they breakup again because without the right relationship skills, they will not be able to address the true cause of the breakup.


Some people don’t have the patience and determination to see things to the very end.

Let’s not forget that we are living in a fast food society today. Everyone wants to get their ex back by yesterday.

They may put in the initial effort but give up when the going gets tough or when things don’t happen as quickly as they want.

They don’t understand that getting an ex back is a process, often a slow one, and it can take time for your effort to bear fruits.


Therefore Your Chances Is Higher Than 20%

That is why I said you don’t have to worry too much about the decoy effect.

Don’t forget that your ex broke up with your competitor for a reason. Unless your competitor decided to take the proper approach to save her relationship and learn how to fix the root cause of the breakup, you don’t have to worry too much.

Worrying is not going to help you anyway. You have no control over other people. So you might as well focus on what you can do.


How to Maximize Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back

To conclude, it doesn’t matter whether you are trying to get your ex back from a rebound or you are the rebound.

If you want to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, you have to focus on becoming the best version of yourself so that you can bring more value to the table.

This makes your ex more likely to choose you over your competitor.

You have to develop new relationship skills, such as the ones I mentioned in this article.


If You Are Not The Rebound…

Don’t be complacent just because I said you have an 80% chance due to the decoy effect.

If you don’t learn the proper approach to get your ex back, the decoy effect won’t work for you and your chances will be much lower than 80%.

You definitely have a huge advantage here.

However, to maximize your advantage, you have to take personal responsibility and do whatever it takes.


If You Are The Rebound…

Don’t be discouraged by the decoy effect.

As mentioned earlier, most people are not willing to put in the effort to leverage it. So your chances is probably much higher than 20%.

So my suggestion for you is the same. Take personal responsibility and do whatever it takes.


Your Biggest Enemy Is You

I have used the word “competitor” many times in this article. Like I told you, I am only using the word out of convenience.

You shouldn’t treat the other person as your competitor.

Because eventually, whether your ex wants to get back together with you depends on whether he can see that the relationship will be better than before the breakup.

So instead of focusing on the other woman, you might as well focus on yourself.

This is because you are your greatest competitor.

In fact, in this case, I think “enemy” is a much better word to use.

You are your biggest enemy when it comes to getting your ex back.

If all you are focusing on are negative thoughts such as,

“Oh no. He is dating someone else. He must have moved on.”

“Am I the rebound? Is this hopeless?”

then you have already failed before you even started.

So if you are truly serious about getting your ex back, start taking personal responsibility for your own thoughts.

This is applicable to everyone. Not just those who are involved in a rebound situation.

Don’t be your biggest enemy.

Be your biggest ally instead!


What If You Are Facing A Strong Competitor?

Recently, I received a question from a lady telling me that she might be facing a strong competitor. So I decided to update the article with this section.

So what should you do if you are in this situation?

First, I want you to consider that maybe your competitor is not as strong as you think.

Second, even if your competitor is really strong, your strategy is still going to be the same. You are still going to work on becoming the best version of yourself. Don’t forget, you still have the advantage of the decoy effect working for you.

Let me use an analogy here.

Have you been watching the Olympic games recently? Do you think there is a weak competitor in the Olympic?

Of course not! Each participant is the best from their country.

Here comes the important question.

Do you think the winners waste time worrying about how strong their competitors are? Maybe they do worry a little, but they are probably not obsessed about it. It is not like they can do anything about their competitors anyway.

Instead, they focus on what they have control over – themselves. They train everyday to get themselves into tip-top condition.  During the big day, they just give it their all. That’s how they become winners.

Do you think someone can become a winner if they waste time worrying about their competitors instead of focusing on themselves? Probably not.

The same principle applies to getting your ex back from a rebound relationship.

You are going to have a much higher chance of success if you focus on training yourself.

As I already mentioned in this article, you are either your biggest ally or your biggest enemy, depending on what you decided to focus on.

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Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 49 comments

Hi Mark,

I have been in long distance relationship for almost 4 years. We used to see each other frequently. Two years ago my ex boyfriend asked me to marry him and join him in his country. I wasn’t ready due to my work issues so I asked him to give me some time. He kept requesting me to join him and we agreed that I would go in his country in the end of my project, which means two years from now. In summer he met my parents and everything was going great. Last time I met him was 3 months ago and he asked me again to join him because the distance was getting hard, but I couldn’t go yet. After he went back to his country he was involved in an important project and he was busy most of the time. I was feeling left apart so I asked him to break up. After a week I regretted my decision and tried to reconcile with him. We got back together for some week. The first days of reconciliation the communication was normal as always, but I was feeling him being distant and careless and our communication less intensive. He stopped writing me in the middle of March. I was worried so I wrote him but I did not have any reply till the end of March, when he wrote me an email explaining that he has been busy. Regarding our relationship he claimed that the distance was getting unbearable and that we couldn’t go more far with it. He said also that he couldn’t write me before because it was unbelievable and difficult for him. From his email I thought that our or problem was the distance, so I proposed him to solve it, but he did not reply. Three weeks after he sent me the email, I investigated a facebook profile of a friend of him, who was tagging him in several group pictures. In her facebook profile I found a picture of her and my ex engaged recently. I wrote him an email saying that he could tell me the truth. And I make the mistake of writing to that girl too. 10 days ago I received the most cold email from him where he was writing that he didn’t have feeling for me since last summer and that during the period of 1 month and half we were not talking he met a new person who made him happy, so he decided to marry her. After his email I received a Facebook message from his now fiancé. She wrote that she knows everything and asked me to stay out from their life and then blocked me in fb.

Is their relationship a rebound? Is it worth a try or should I step back and move on? I did not give me a clean break up. Everything happened so fast and I’m still shocked, because I don’t recognize the person that my boyfriend became, from caring and lovely to distant and careless.


    As I mentioned in this article, when someone is trying to move their relationship really fast, there is a very high possibility that it is a rebound.

    Don’t you find it weird? From what you told me, he met the other girl before you last met him 3 months ago. If he was already planning to marry her, why did he ask you to join him?

    Maybe it is because he wanted to fill the emotional void after breaking up with you, that’s why he is rushing to get married. Whether the marriage will really come to fruition is still too early to say.

    As for whether this relationship is worth trying, in my opinion, there are 2 main factors to consider.

    For the first factor, I believe you are worried about whether it is even possible to get your ex back for your type of situation.

    Well, there are definitely people who managed to get their ex back even though they are engaged. Basically, there are people who got back together from all kinds of impossible situations.

    By the way, I am not sugarcoating you. I am not telling you that it is easy. I am simply telling you that if you don’t try, you will never know the outcome.

    If you think it is too difficult and not worth the effort, that is totally fine.

    The second factor to consider is whether you will regret if you don’t try.

    What is important is that you have to made the decision yourself. The reason why I am telling you this is because there are definitely people who got their ex back even though initially, everyone is telling them to move on. But because they are “stubborn” or “determined”, depending on how you look at it, they decided to try anyway and eventually succeed.

    That is why you should be the one to decide whether to try or move on because this is your relationship after all.


No, he met her after last time we met, that’s why I found it weird that they are engaged so quickly.


    That’s why there is a high possibility that it is just a rebound relationship.

    Put it this way.

    Most people take marriage very seriously. At least, most people won’t get engaged within a few months. Like I mentioned in the article, if the other girl doesn’t know how to control the pace of the relationship, maybe she has her own insecurities.

    So just because they got engaged so quickly doesn’t mean their relationship is great. They may not have taken the time to think carefully. Maybe it is just the honeymoon period.


I just get to know that they have started their relationship 10months ago. He is keeping two girls at the same time, and none of our mutual friends realize that he did. For the another girl side, I have no idea she knew my existence or not. I feel so silly coz after knowing all these, I still love him and wants him back.
Thanks Mark, I’ll focus on myself even though everyday there’s pain inside of me.


Hi Mark,

We have been together for 2 1/2 years. All is good, just minor quarrels in between, which I think it’s quite normal for couples. He start introducing me as his fiancee one year ago and we went for a highlands trip together. He met my parents already, we even planned to meet his family either June or December. We meet each other once or twice a week. We already book two upcoming trips on Aug and Nov. However he put an emergency break to all this. One month ago, we have big quarrel over the phone, about insecurities and don’t-have-enough-time-for-girlfriend thing. After the fight, he took leave from his workplace and go to another city the next day without informing me. He also switched off his phone. It’s his close friend who informed me about that. He came back after a few days and email me for a break up. He asked me to let him go and say he is not a worthy guy for me. I was shocked as it happened suddenly. I disagree and want a meet up to explain everything. He say he is not ready to meet. I ask if he doesn’t want be with me anymore. He says I already have the answer. He says he will see me one day if I choose to hear it face to face. I tried to calm down for a few days and reflect on what I did wrong. After that, I text him, telling him what I felt. I tried calling him but he never answer. I don’t want to push him. 4-5 days in between I text him to confirm whether we can meet? He says he can’t. The reason is either busy or sick. It is a festival on 1st June and we are supposed to go to his hometown as he promised me last time. So I tried to text him asking if he still remember to bring me to visit his hometown. He called back. And tell me to stop texting him. Nothing can happen between us, never. I ask him why. He say we will meet next week and I’ll know why. I ask is he having a new girlfriend, he says yes. I ask has he made up his mind he says yes. Right after that, he changed his WhatsApp, wechat, instagram profile picture, showing him and a girl at her house. He also changed the status to married. The very next day, he blocked me on every app except Facebook. I know that girl. They were flirting 10 months ago when he went on outstation in her city but as soon as I discovered, my ex boyfriend say there is nothing between them, just friend. He says he has choosen me as his life partner. To convince me, he even remove her from his Facebook. Now, he went to her city to celebrate the festival with her and her family and stay at her home for 5 days. They even took a family picture. So freakishly fast? Yesterday is the day he mentioned he will meet me. But no sound from him so I text him, asking if our meet up still on? He said he is busy. So what’s your opinion about my situation right now? Do I still have chance?


    I think you pushed him too hard after the breakup. That is why his resistance towards you is extremely high.

    As long as he hasn’t married, the chance is still there. But what you need to do now is to stop pushing him for a meetup. If you continue doing so, it will just make the situation worse.

    Stop contacting him for at least 30 days. Maybe you need even longer than that because his resistance is way too high now. Use this period of time to work on yourself. You may want to read this article for more information on how to work on yourself during no contact.


Me and my gf are in a relationship for 3 years and I studies in different city so during this time she met a guy and left me….she asked me to remain friends but I refused because I thought she will miss my presence and will come back but it’s been 6 months we are not in contact….6 months before in last message she asked me that she will return to me again then will I give her a chance then I replied I don’t know….in these 6 months she is going very fast she also said bad about our relationship to people just to convince that why she left me….yesterday only she had seen my pic on whatsapp with old friends and she got jealous and hyper but still she says bad just to defend her new relationship….what to do….there is no contact since 6 month and main thing is that her new bf is not serious for her means he don’t want to marry her thats why she is going fast just to convince him….pls reply as soon as possible


    Don’t worry about how fast she is going. If he is not serious about her in the first place, the relationship is unlikely to work and eventually, she has to face the reality. What you should focus on is to improve yourself like what I suggest in this article.


Dear Mark,
Thank you so much for your article, I am going through this rebound situation right now. It took 4 months before my ex entered this “seemingly blissful” rebound. The crazy thing is just a month before this relationship was revealed on Facebook out of the blue. He had came to see me and was very vulnerable with me he told me how much he missed me and how he couldn’t stop thinking about me when he left. We broke up February of this year and thank goodness I’ve been practicing the ARS from Clay Andrews so I can say I really like how you guys teach people going through this genuine skills and not mind games. My ex and I have been in contact since late March after a period of no contact. It helped me become emotionally stable again. We have very positive conversations he was even getting playful with me again. As you have mentioned in the article I believe that the competitor has probably asked him to stop contacting me. He recently has stared to ignore me through text but will like things on my Facebook. I now know how to handle this situation. Patience is truly key it will be almost 6 months I have been on this but I know if I stay strong he will be back. Thank you so much for your article!!


    Glad you find this article useful.


Hi Mark,

My situation is a bit different but wonder if the same thing applies. My husband and I are separated for 2.5 months now, we’ve been married for 4 years and dating for 4 years before that. The separation was due to him having feelings for a woman he works with and said he feels he’s unhappy with our marriage(he can’t coin exactly why however) and wants to see if things are better with someone else.

Now the first thing he told me about this other woman is that she’s not as good as me and she has a lot of emotional baggage. However he feels he can’t just drop everything and leave her. He even admits that he’s in the wrong. I kicked him out of the house immediately however after some thought I think there’s still a great potential between us if he can pull his head out of this mess.

The first week or so he seemed happy told me she’s positively influencing him that he’s gonna get fit and do all kinds of things to improve his life. Then after a few weeks I see him even more unfit and have not followed through any of his plans. In the meantime I have continued and picked up many hobbies and filled my time with plenty of activities with friends.

So my question is even though he seems not very happy and still tries to contact me at least once a week, he’s not talking about the relationship at all. How can I make him realize he’s never going to work with this girl? Objectively I’m better than her in every aspect(physically, mentally, career, talents, etc)


    Yes, a lot of things mentioned in this article certainly applies to you. Like I mentioned, your ex will tell you how good his current relationship is. So it already happened to you right? Maybe you will encounter the other situations as well.

    It is good that you are pursuing hobbies and catching up with friends. But that’s not enough. Eventually, it is going to be the relationship skills that will help you get your husband back. So you need to put more focus on developing the relationship skills I mentioned here.


Hi Mark,

I was in a 6 year live in relationship with my ex boyfriend. I had moved from one county to another to move in with him which caused my kids to go to a different school system that had a lot of violence/thugs etc…. Long story short my teenager started cutting himself, was depressed and suicidal. As a mom that was not only scary but stressful for me. My ex was wonderful to not only me but also my kids, he loved me and my kids so much. However at the time between my job and kids I was stressed out and my BF was smothering me as well. He liked being a home body. Wouldn’t eat dinner with me and the kids like a family because he literally eats right before he goes to bed etc…. I had asked him about selling his home and we buy a new home in the county I had moved from to put my kids back at the school they had been going to. He loved his house and didn’t want to do that so he paid to put my oldest in private school but my child still had no friends, wasn’t happy, and the cutting got worse. I had to put my child in a children’s behavioral home to get him help. I had enough and couldn’t handle the stress or smothering any more so I went and found a house and 3 days before I was to close on the house I told my ex we were moving out that I had bought a house. He rented a truck and moved us out. After the break up within a month or 2 we got back together but living in separate homes. My stress levels were still high and we just stopped seeing each other. I went no contact on him for a few months. He does not chase after me/contact me etc unless I contact first. He is in a relationship with one of his past ex GF’s sister. They had been friends for years prior to this and he said she was just over one night and it just happened. They have been seeing each other since January or so of this year. He told me he doesn’t love her like she would be wife material that there was only one person he loved and could see being his wife and that was me but we had tried a relationship twice and 3rd time would be shame on him. Then a week or 2 later when I asked about us trying again he told me no it was just him and his dog and that’s how he was going to live life, but then I found out days later the new GF is still around. He told me yeah I thought you knew she was around. He said we keep things light if she calls she calls and if not than oh well. He tells me he has a lot of anger and is very hurt and we can never be together again all we can be is friends. He says if we were together it would always be in the back of his mind wondering when I was going to up and leave again. I get mixed signals from him. When I ask if he can give me another chance he gets gruff and I see it as anger but he said it’s because I can’t get it through my head that we can only be friends and he has to tell me that way so maybe I will get it. Am I wasting my time, or does he still love me and I need to be patient and just be friends with him till he decides he wants more with me?


    What do you think is the root cause of the break up? I was just thinking when I was reading through your story. My first impression was he seems to care more about himself based on the examples you have given, like not eating together and not moving even though your child is stressed out.

    With that said, I don’t want to jump to conclusion mainly because things are not always that straight forward in a relationship. After all, this is your side of the story. His story may be entirely different.

    Anyway, the point is, do you think the problems could have been avoided with better communication? I would say a lot of times, communication is one of the main reasons that cause a breakup.

    So to answer your question.

    Does he still love you?

    Well, you have been together for 6 years after all. So it is very unlikely that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. He feelings for you is blocked by all the negative emotions. It is basically a matter of content vs context.

    As for his new girlfriend, it is most likely a rebound relationship. So just follow the suggestion in this article.

    Do you need to be patient and wait for him to decide?

    That’s a very passive approach, don’t you think so?

    What if he doesn’t make a decision or he makes a decision against you?

    Let’s not talk about relationship. Let just talk about life in general. If you have a goal you want to achieve, you don’t wait for the goal to happen by itself, right?

    What is the chances of you getting what you want? Probably very low. You need to put in the necessary effort to get what you want.

    Same thing for your relationship. You don’t just wait for things to happen. You make things happen. Of course, I am not telling you to push him to get back into a relationship with you. That doesn’t work.

    But what do you think you can do now to increase your chances of getting your ex back?

    Like I already mentioned in this article, work on your relationship skills. You are going to need these skills to get him to open up to you. As I said earlier, the break up may be caused by poor communication.

    Don’t you think it makes sense for you to brush up your communication skills? This will not only help you increase your chances of reconciliation, but after getting back together, it can prevent you from making the same mistakes. So this is the general direction you can take to save your relationship.


Hi mark,

I hope it is not too late to ask but my situation feels extremely confusing. So me and my girlfriend dated for about 3 years. The first year was filled with nothing but happiness but then she met some guy during the second year. He was visiting from out of town, and she didn’t really feel anything for him at first. But since I was away for the summer, I was constantly making bad choices. I was going out partying every night and hanging out with other girls in a sense. She would get angry and she would vent to this guy all day about it and he was there to listen. I said something over the top (I don’t recall) but we ended up arguing. We decided to take a break and she spent time with this guy. She ended up having feelings for him but decided not to date him because of long distance. A couple weeks after he left, he stopped talking to her and she felt the conversations were going nowhere with him. Add a few more weeks on top of that and we decided to talk about it. She told me everything and she admitted that she still has strong feelings for him but she wants to see if we can work things out. I realized that I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to her and she went to someone who did, so I really wanted to work on it. After that, it was a little rocky but months later and everything returned to normal. Actually it might have been better since I spent a lot of time at her place and we were going out on more dates than ever before. Now this is where things get bad again. I was in college and so was she so when summer came around, we were going to be apart (she lives in the same city she goes to college, I don’t). She planned to visit me during the summer and we were going to spend a couple days together. We didn’t really plan to see each other a lot since we spent so much together at college so we figured 3 months with a visit or 2 would be fine. Well when she came down, everything seemed normal, and I was happy to be with her. But then I did some pretty childish stuff and lost some of her things while we were out (one being very expensive and we spent all day looking for it). We ended up finding it but the next day she left to go back home (which she was supposed to). After that, she told me she needed a break and she felt as if I was too childish and immature. I agree and we didn’t talk for about a week but then i called because well I couldn’t help it. I wanted some closure on the fact. She then preceded to tell me that she felt as if she didn’t love me the same after that new guy. He was in the back of her mind every now and then. She said after a week or two after summer break is when she started to really wonder. She did admit everything was great whenever we saw each other and went out. Then I asked her if she wanted to date anybody or if part of the reason was because of someone else. She said no and she needed time to focus on herself. After that, I was calm and I found it a kind of good thing because it allows me some time (2 months) to really focus on myself before seeing again. A week later, I found out she is dating the guy she met last year. He apparently moved down there because of family. This is the confusing part, normally I would think its officially over between me and my ex, but something is not adding up. I did some snooping (who doesn’t after a breakup), and found out some pretty interesting things. She apparently didn’t want to be with him at first, I mean this is a pretty fresh breakup but I guess he finally convinced her. She made it public that she was in a relationship, but not saying with him, even though they liked each other’s status’. They also went on a date and posted a picture of them and saying some lovey-dovey stuff. Pretty normal I guess, but what weirds me out is that he is the complete opposite of what she likes. He has no similar interests, except for like one or two GENERAL interests. He is also leaving for the military in a couple of months so they will actually have to be long distance with little communication. He also isn’t the ‘type’ that my ex likes. Plus she doesn’t do the same stuff when they were first together. They would tag each other constantly on stuff and she would always post about being happy or so in love, but now its barely anything. I would honestly be happy for them but this feels like it isn’t going to last and I’m just extremely confused. Also, one last thing, I did talk to her about my ex being this new guy and she didn’t say anything positive about it. She told me he’s super insecure and is obsessive, and when I asked why she was doing long-distance when he leaves for the military, she told me “because I can”. I’m working on bettering myself and have really improved so far, and I haven’t talked to her for about 2 weeks so far, and I plan to stay like this for a while, but why is she getting with someone who is the complete opposite of her? She seemed so into him before but now that she actually gets to be with him and spend time him, I get a vibe as if she thought it was too good to be true. It bothers me she would jump into a relationship and try to keep it semi-secretive with a post every now and then. Please help, thank you!


    Based on what you said, this is very likely a rebound relationship. Sometimes, a person will over compensate by choosing someone who is the complete opposite of what they like.

    Also, you have to understand that a relationship is about emotional connection. It just so happen that when you weren’t there to meet her emotional needs, he happened to be there. So naturally, she started developing feelings for him.

    With that said, this relationship is unlikely to last because she hasn’t really got the time to process her emotions for you. In other words, she hasn’t really gotten over you. That guy is just there to fill her emotional void.

    I know right now, you are very confused and you are trying to figure everything out. My suggestion is that you don’t worry about all these unimportant things.

    I will give you an analogy here. Let say you want to compete in car racing. Are you going to spend all your time figuring out how the engine works, doing all the mathematical calculations etc? Probably not. You focus on what is really important, which is your driving skill, your reflex, your fitness etc.

    The same principle applies to your relationship.

    You are confusing the heck out of yourself by trying to figure out why she is dating some guy completely different from her etc. Even if you figured out the answer, it doesn’t really help you save your relationship. Most likely, she is confused herself.

    What you need to focus on is to build up your emotional connection with her like what I suggest in this article. As I mentioned, your biggest competitor is not the other guy. It is yourself. Instead of wasting your time figuring out the other guy, you are going to get a lot more mileage by improving your relationship skills.


Hi Mark,

I just left a comment on one of your other articles (https://exboyfriendinsight.com/show-ex-changed-show-dont-tell/comment-page-1/#comment-49462), then read this one… And now I’m really scared. I mentioned in my comment that there’s another girl involved: she was a catalyst in his leaving me and they started going out a little while after. She called things off, though, because she could tell he wasn’t over me and wanted to give him a chance to connect with me again – which I then messed up as I described. I feel like she’s definitely shown herself to be a “strong competitor”, while I’ve just shown my insecurity all over again… Have I ruined my chances with him for good? Is my only hope now that they turn out to be incompatible in some way (though they’ve been friends for the best part of a year now, so I imagine this is unlikely)?


    I just updated the article about what to do if you are facing a “strong competitor”. You can just scroll up and read it. I hope that answers your question.


      That does help a lot – thank you! I’ve also watched the video on the decoy effect, which is really interesting.


Hey Mark, I’ve got myself in a rather crazy situation with my ex and want to hear your opinion on it.

My ex and I dated for about 10 months (I’m 27, she’s 24). We broke up in the middle somewhere but got back together about a month later. Things were seemingly going great the second time, until she turned around and left me for a guy who lives literally on the other side of the country. However, despite that we’ve kept in contact every single day since the breakup (about 3 months ago) and have still been going out places on a weekly basis. She started dating the other guy about 2 months ago. He does not know who I am, that we dated, or that she left me for him. This is where things start to get wonky. They fight a looot about sex. She wants it, but he doesn’t because he’s super religious. It’s hit the point where she’s messaged me multiple times in tears because she feels like he doesn’t care about her feelings when they fight. I usually just tell her to be careful and watch for the red flags when this happens (she doesn’t listen of course..she insists that he’s wonderful). This actually led to us having sex a month ago, which again, he doesn’t know about. This hasn’t been a repeat offense, but she has from time to time slipped and told me she wants to get busy with me. More to the point, I’m not the one that usually initiates contact. It’s almost always her. Even after she came back from visiting him where we didn’t talk for several days, she immediately messaged upon returning home. I constantly get selfies from her, constantly get told how good I look, and she’s still kind of touchy feely in person. She *has* slowed down a bit in contact in the last 2 weeks, but I have a feeling that will change. I feel like she’s in some sort of weird rebound that’s only being sustained ironically by their distance. He’s already planning to move here and as far as I know, they talk about getting married in the future. I’ve also made it a point for myself to not get mad at her over telling me about him, or over how she left me. Just wanted to get some outside thoughts on this. What’s going on here, where I stand etc.


    Just a warning. You may not like my answer here.

    But since you ask me for my opinion, I will tell you what I think.

    For me, I only want to date a woman who has integrity. The fact that she can sleep with you while she is still in a relationship with the other guy shows a lack of integrity. If she can cheat on him, she can cheat on you in the future as well.

    She is also not emotionally matured enough to be in a healthy relationship. She simply allows her feelings to lead her everywhere. When the feelings is there, she wants the relationship. When the feelings is gone, she leaves the relationship.

    It is going to be very hard for you to have a healthy relationship with her unless she changes. Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to change if they are not willing to.

    You see a lot of red flags in her relationship. But can you actually see your own red flags?


Hi Mark,
Is it still considered a rebound relationship my ex is in if they met 7 months after we broke up and have been involved for 5 months in some form of LDR? We broke up a year ago. He met her while on a work trip to Malaysia. She is from there, is 22 and he is 32 and lives here in Australia. She has another year of Study left. When I metioned about him seeing someone, I asked if she was his Girlfriend, and he said groaned an awkward “I dunno, it’s complicated!” If he has moved on, is there still a possibility of hope using the ESP?


    Whether a relationship is considered a rebound depends more on your ex’s emotional state rather than the time. If he still hasn’t dealt with his emotions properly and is just using that relationship to fill his emotional void, such as loneliness, then it is a rebound.

    The fact that he told you it is complicated probably means he doesn’t know what he want and is still confused. In other words, their relationship is not that strong.

    The key to getting an ex back is emotional connection. If you work on the program, it will increase your ability to connect with your ex. This gives you an advantage over the other girl.

    If he moved on, it is actually a good thing. You see, a lot of people have this misconception that moving on is a bad thing, that they are going to lose something.

    But you know what? It is actually the key to having a new and healthier relationship. As cliche as it sounds, you broke up for a reason. The old relationship is dysfunctional. So why do you want to hold on to that old relationship?

    Yes, you will lose something. You will lose that old relationship that is no longer working. But in exchange, you gain a new relationship build on a stronger foundation, a relationship that is going to last. That’s what ESP teaches you.


      Hi Mark,
      Do you mean it is good he moved on so it’s possible to start a new, healthier relationship with my ex, with what I learn in ESP?


        What I mean is whether he has moved on or not, the skills you learn in ESP will increase your capability to connect with him emotionally, which will in turn increase your chances of getting your ex back. So the most important factor will be your relationship skills. And yes, moving on is not necessary a bad thing.

        The point is, don’t waste your time worrying about whether he will move on. You are going to get much better result if you focus on honing your relationship skills.


Hi Mark,

I want to know your opinion regarding my situation, since it is a bit complex.
So i was seeing this guy for roughly 2-3 months. We met through a dating app, we had our first date and it went great. The guy proclaimed it to be his best date he has ever had in his life.
However, as the relationship goes, i noticed that i was being too clingy or jealous of everything, regarding his ex girlfriend that still talks to him 24/7. And he had some regrets in his life, in with his ex girlfriend, if he had been single in his university life, he would have accomplished more. So he broke up with me saying that he is scared that the same thing is going to happen again. Afraid of commitment and settling down, because he wants to do more things in life.
In the process of the short relationship, i notice that he had an ex girlfriend of 6-7 years that is still very much in contact with him. And the contact is not even “friends”, it is more like they are still together. Because the woman is still in power over him. Like calling him every night, demanding him to tell her every detail on what is going on in his life. And she knew about me, so she would be asking him on every single detail on our relationship. This ex girlfriend currently lives in U.S, but she is coming back sometime next week (September), and have a high chance/possibility that she will be staying in his place.
Post break up, we kept each other apart physically, but when we met each other, I guess he cannot resist and started kissing me alot (he usually doesn’t kiss). Now, we have hung out with each other and make ourselves comfortable as “friends.” The time we don’t see each other, he would call me late at night just to see how am i doing in the day. We don’t text much in the day, probably due to busy-ness at work and such.
So my issues now is:
1. What should i do when the ex girlfriend comes back and is still totally “attached” with him? Should i act cool like as if their business is theirs, and what is mine is mine?
2. Since now me & him are comfortable with each other, what should i do to make him want me more, because i am afraid that i am there being his doormat when his ex gf is not around.

i feel that he needs someone to love, but just afraid that he cannot accomplish things in life due to that love.

Is there any hope on this Mark?


Me and my girlfriend were together for 2 years, we had basically no fights and thought we were just the most perfect couple. But due to several incidents where I didn’t tell her about things that bothered me in the relationship, she lost her trust in me for not telling the truth and not communicating. She was also really stressed about other things she wouldn’t tell me about and felt she wasn’t happy being with me anymore, and so she broke up with me.
We still talked for a few weeks but I was a wreak and begged and told her how sad I was, but after I found your site, I went into no contact for 2 weeks.
She’s already dating someone else though, and while she’s told me that she felt that breaking up was a mistake, she still wanted to have a new life, because she felt we were too different. (we really aren’t)
I really want to keep trying but it feels like such a lost cause, she seems dead set on moving on, but I see her status on skype will have lyrics from songs with really sad and regretful messages, but I’m still not sure if just becoming a better me will change her opinion much.


    Most probably, her new relationship is just a rebound. So you don’t have to worry about her dating someone else. As I mentioned in this article, your real competitor is not her new partner. It is yourself. You are either your best ally or worst enemy.

    If you are telling yourself that even if you become a better person, it will not help you get her back, then you have already defeated yourself in your own mind before you even started.

    Let me put it this way. If you don’t even believe in yourself, if you don’t even believe that the relationship will be better, how are you going to inspire her to believe in you? How are going to inspire her to want to get back together with you?

    Believe it or not, your beliefs have a huge influence in the outcome. That is because it will affect how you behave and carry yourself, which in turn will affect how she respond to you.

    As for her saying that you were too different, that’s just an excuse. To understand why, you can watch this video: Breakup Excuse: We Are Not Compatible.


      thank you for replaying, I’ll try to keep a more positive attitude on my efforts.
      it seems that things are going ok, we have small enjoyable conversations now, but she doesn’t ever try to speak to me first or tell me anything about what’s going on in her life, except for a few things about her friends. I know it must still be hard for her, but is there any tips on how i can get her to open up to me more? i don’t know how much i can remake our emotional bond if i never have a chance to do so. Also, if it turns out she has definitely moved on, is there still a chance then?


Hi. I have carefully read and reread your strategies on rebound relationships and getting my ex back when she/he is in one very thoroughly. I have a question on my own situation and on whether or not professionals would even consider this a rebound or not.
First off, my boyfriend and I have been together for the past 12 years, dated for 2 years prior to that, and have lived together in the home he had bought for the past 9 years. We have had a ton of ups and downs, as every long term couple does, but even when I questioned our bond around 5 yesrs and maybe once around 6-8, HE ultimately was the one who said he doesn’t quit relationships easily. And that he thought since we’d been through so much, we could get through anything. And when we fought, he would always be the one to make up first, or beg me back. So yesrs went by, our relationship had stand stills, issues with me being unable to (multiple miscarried) bear children, many close family/friend deaths, terminal illnesses etc. You get the pic through this all, we had an INCREDIBLE emotional bond, had similar interests, enjoyed the same things, music, movies, life in general. While still maintaining our own identities. I ALWAYS allowed him the freedom he wanted and needed, and he always was so thankful, and loved and admired that trait about me, I swear it kept him in it as long as he was….then…
Back about 4 months ago, my boyfriend and I were getting on fine, but suddenly he became distant around 3-4 months ago. When we did see each other, it seems all he did was try to pick a fight with me, or yell or try to belittle me in some way. I found it strange, because in the past, when we would fight or he would yell at me, we would instantly make up, or communicate on what the issues were. but this time something felt different…. so I waited a few weeks, he started becoming even MORE distant, then when I tired to confront him about why he was arguing and belittling, he lost it. he told me he didn’t love me anymore, he hasn’t in YEARS, hes just “changed as a person” whilst I did not. he said he felt ans wanted ro feel in love again, and that he has a lot of love to give away, but he can’t give it to me any longer. up until this point when I pushed him to the point of confrontation as to why he was acting so strange, we would text and call each other as usual, about 15 times a day! Then he came home one day, I asked why the strange distance? Where have you been? Why don’t we hang anymore? And he just yelled at me, told me to pack up ” ALL of my f@&king stuff” and get the eff OUT . HES done. I was left completely blindsided, wondering why, we didn’t hang out as much on my days off (he works from home, so can basically make his own schedule) as we were before as in years before, and months prior to him seeing “off”, and darting out on plans and wanting to do things like see a movie . And here, just short months ago, in the kitchen we were in when he told me to leave for good, he and I sat and drew diagrams of the addition we were going to put on, and I picked out the flooring I wanted in the kitchen…..it was just crazy.
So fast forward to a few weeks later, I find out he is hanging out with a “new” female friend who happens to be the polar opposite of me, not only in personality, and stature, but in age. She is 20 ..yes TWENTY years younger.
And it’s someone who I knew OF, and they met in a common place that my boyfriend had with her . A restaurant. She works there. Hr spent his time there for uears (I was with him, and suddenly realized that is why he hasn’t invited me to come with him to this “place” we once used to go together at least once or twice a week. This young girl also had a boyfriend of 6 months, I learned when I learned of the two of them running around together. During this time, after he “cooled off” we got together a few more times (sporadically when he would call or message me, usually drunk) and want me to “come over” which of course never endes up good because we would end up in bed (and surprisingly most of these times it was far more intense and passionate than it was in the last couple of yeara while we were together)..!? So he and her continued on, and behind the scenes, he ans I continued on , until one day, he called me and told me about how he had to stop having me over because he felt he would hurt her too much. She decided (close to a month and an half after meeting my bf, and OUR breakup) , that she was breaking up with HER bf to be with mine. Then things got really weird. He started trying to get me to “sneak’ over late at night and park in his garage, called and texted me late at night , asking me to send him half naked pictures of myself (as I lost nearly 25 lbs due to stress from finding out about he and her) . Then one day he called me and we just talked for 2 hours, and he confided in me of how he really wished she was more like me, even though he was “committed to working this out” with her, since now she broke it off with her bf to be with him. He also said who says 2 years down the road we don’t try OUR relationship again, and have it work. Then, back to, how “if she could only grow up and stop worrying about me trying to get you back” she would be OK. Ans that they do get along great and have fun while alone together. Then he called me again the next night and was telling me how her ex kept texting her, and she kept “running off” to talk to him, ans how she thought her ex was psycho” and “how couldnt HE comprehend that they are done” ?; Then he went on to say how great I looked and how I need to move on and find a good man….mixed signals anyone? Then we talked about how we will always be attracted to each other. And how we will always have a bond and a huge emotional connection, and then he told me the next day via text on the way to pick her up, to NOT call him, NOT text him or anything, unless HE was to contact ME first. And that is the last time we spoke. Things were moving along between us where he was confiding in how he wished she could be more like me, how he hated her jealousy, and how he had seen a side of her he never wanted ro see again. And then POOF. HE disappeared. Ans completely ghosted me. I haven’t talked to Him in coming up on 2 full weeks this Friday, which is officially the LONGEST we have ever gone without talking in the last 15 years. Now what? Why the silence? I always believe since he was the dumper, that I would only answer if he contacted ME FIRST. Now it looks like I’ll somehow have to break the silence. They are not posting on Facebook because her parents do not approve of their relationship because of the age difference. Yet, he still thinks that will blow over and somehow work out, even though the girl is telling people they are “just friends” whike she is at college a few hours from where we live so her family doesn’t get more upset that she’s dating close to a 40 year old..now what?!!.

Sam Maryville

What is the meaning of sabotaging your chances?
When I found my ex was dating someone new and they were rushing I got highly emotional BUT, I never told her to leave him, I never told to choose me over him, in fact I told her to stay with him because she seemed happy. She told me many times that she doesn’t love me not him so she has no idea what she is doing with him. Last time I got very emotional I told her that it’s not because of him that I am very emotional but the moving on for me. She was sad and scared I was moving on but she never did anything about it. Last time I sent her a text that I love her and I miss her but I need to move on so I wished her well and to take care. That was the day I decided to totally stop contact whatever the reason, but she never replied back. It has been over two weeks without any contact I also deleted her from media. So now I am trying the NC for myself to move on. But I am still concerned of the sabotaging part.


    When you are highly emotional, you have the tendency to do the wrong things, which will sabotage your chances.

    For example, even though you should never ask your ex to leave the rebound, you should not go the other extreme either. You should not ask your ex to stay with the rebound. That is because by doing so, you are not being true to yourself. Your ex may even think you really mean what you say and think you have already moved on.

    You should not tell her that you are moving on. Let’s think about it. How do you expect her to reply you when you told her that you are moving on. She won’t even know what to say. That is probably why she didn’t reply you.

    And why are you telling her you are moving on? The reason is probably because you are too emotional. You are just reacting out of fear. You are in reaction mode. I have written an article about reacting vs responding to situation. You can read the article here for more information.

    That is the reason why people should minimize contact with their ex when they haven’t properly healed. Otherwise, they will have the tendency to make all kinds of mistakes and sabotage their own chances.

    Anyway, don’t worry too much about the mistakes you have already made. They can be reversed. The most important thing now is that you need to focus on healing yourself first before doing anything else with your ex.


Yes you are right. At the moment it’s been 14 days of no contact. I truly don’t know my next move so I guess the best move is to keep the no contact and let her decide? She is in a rebound relationship I believe. They have been together for five months already and she is a person who hates being on her own. I know that for me to fully heal will take more then 31 days so I really don’t know what I should do.


And yes I have read every article you wrote and I already meditate nearly one to twice a day.


Meditation alone is not going to help you get your ex back. Please read the article again. It is just one of the many things I suggest you do in this article. You need to work on the other areas as well such as developing your relationship skills.

Also, many people find meditation beneficial but it may not necessary be suitable for everyone for various reasons. If you don’t find it beneficial to you, feel free to skip it.


Hi Mark, My ex girlfriend, and I were together from September 10th 2013 to December 27th 2015. The breakup was due to some issues. I did the whole begging pleading crap at the beginning of the breakup and she told me I was being needy I backed off and she noticed right away. Since we would talk and text a little each day. She had told me about a month or two ago that she wanted to give this new guy a chance they had been talking for about three months but nothing serious. However, she texted me saying that he wanted to move out of state and go down south for school and that she would support his decision. He basically friend zoned her. I took her out to lunch two weeks ago just to hangout and spend some time together which was nice. However, I woke up on Halloween to find out on Facebook that she is now in some relationship with another guy that lives about twenty minutes away from her town. When we were dating I lived further away which was tough on us both but we did our best to work around each others work hours and college classes and such. It crushed me that she was now in a relationship with this new guy. Yet in a way it’s good because its finally given me a real drive to get things done and work on improving myself and my skills. I had my phone off for the day I did not want to hear about the relationship, and she panicked and texted me saying “I already feel you pushing me away” I ignored it since I was busy working and helping a family friend with something. Finally I got back to her later that night and calmly explained I had been busy. She said she was sorry and I said it was okay. The next day she texted me saying She felt awful that even though she is happy with someone else. She was upset that she was hurting me in the process and that she cried all day at work. We have talked a little since then but I’m working on bettering myself more. Since seeing a photo of the two of us taken in our second year together. Looking back I got too comfortable and man I did not look my best. However, I have started jogging everyday and working on some daily and weekly goals. Which does help keep myself busy. I have set up these goals to improve myself and get more out of each day. Her new boyfriend seems to be liked by everyone since he tagged her in the post about being in a relationship on the 30th of October. One thing I noticed was when she posted a photo with Halloween makeup on since she could not dress up for work he never once liked it or commented on it which I found kind of funny in a way but I let it go. However, I have a odd feeling about him. Perhaps its the fact I’m her ex boyfriend. I have had that odd feeling before when she was dating her ex before me. The one before me was a jerk and treated her like crap he ended up cheating on her a few months into their relationship. However, I’m not sure if her new relationship is a rebound or not. It almost seems like it. Since its the holiday season after all.


    It does seem like a rebound to me as well, based on two points. First, she said you were pushing her away even though you only shut down your phone for one day. That seems like an over reaction if she only has platonic feelings for you. Second, she cried the whole day at work. So I think she still has feelings for you and hasn’t really gotten over you completely. Therefore, your chance is still there.


Hello Mark,
thank you for your amazing articles, I really feel they are helping me a lot right now. Me (Slovak, Master student 23) and my girlfriend (Russian, PhD. student 25) were together for 5 months and had an amazing time, I felt the deepest connection with her from all the people I know, like we were perfect for each other and she also told me, that I was the best birthday gift to her. She also met almost my whole family by visiting me. But after she came back from Russia, where she has been for a month, she started to behave distant to me, did not want to communicate, send 1 word texts, declined going on my promotions due to work etc. I was ok with it and tried to give space. She deleted our FB pictures during that time. She never wanted to tell me what is going on. We live in the same city, but did not meet for 14 days once, she was always busy, I forced her to a meeting to tell me what is going on, where she replied kind and broke up in October 2016.
We met 3 days after due to a marathon we volunteered, I was a little bit mean to her due to emotions, conversation not good even if she was trying to be kind, that is the last time we met. I started NC for 3 weeks after Chris Seiters tactics (posted a picture with me sitting with a pornstar), sent 3 kind messages – backfired. After I liked a pic where she was just marked, she deleted me from FB.
Then I found you and realized it. The things I was doing wrong. After a week from deleting she sent me a thumb up on FB probably accidently. I reached out a month later 21.12., not even seen. I sent a postcard (she loves these) in Russian for new year, no response. 2 days ago I texted her where she finally responded since break up, that there is no way back, she is dating someone else, the the less we talk, the earlier we forget, she does not want waste my time and effort. I accepted and kept door open for her. Will work on myself.
If you have some tips, which could help me (how to contact her, I’m going to travel, will send her postcard), I would really appreciate them. Thank you a lot, you are doing a good job!


    I just want to add, that I realized, that after she started to behave like this, I started feeling insecure, needy and a sort of desperation inside of me. She said, she is afraid of something, but never said what after asking. But never bombed her with a ton of texts (max. 2-3), never pleaded or begged. In the one between break up and the marathon I offered another try, she said, we gonna see with the time how it’s gonna work. I realized the big mistakes I made after. I’m dating another girl now, it is not serious (she knows) but it is not right also. My ex posted a few pics where she is really happy (with friends only), but status is still single (but it was also during our relationship on the end). She and I had a few relationships, but only short ones. I really loved her, want a lasting one, I focus on the skills now. Sorry for the length…


      Based on your understanding of her, do you think there is a possibility that she may be scared of commitment?

      Because you mentioned that she had a few short relationships. I am not saying that everyone who had a few short relationships are afraid of commitment but the possibility is there.

      Could it be that every time a relationship started to get serious, she got scared and run away? Did she have any negative experiences in her previous relationships or maybe childhood?

      There’s a pretty good book that discussed this topic, He’s Scared, She’s Scared. This book may give you some insight about her behavior. If you are interested, you can search for it.


        Hey Mark!
        I know I’m writing very belated. But just remembered of you and want to say a huge THANK YOU. You are genius and an amazing help!
        The book He’s scared, she’s scared exactly described the situation, very eye opening. She was quite a narcissist, Russian girls tend to look for princes. But I figured out that it concerned me too since I was trying to attract partners like this without realizing. I started working on it and changed my standards and began to meet much better people. I met her a few weeks ago (1.5 after breakup, she added me back) were she was excited to meet me, but she did not really change (not really present, a bit unresponsive, felt a sort of the old selfishness) and I would never date her again. Now I’m single still, but it’s totally ok, God has a plan ;)
        Once again THANK YOU, you are I great and I hope a lot more people get the chance to get in touch with you. Wish you all the best!


        Hi Matt,
        Thanks for letting me know. Glad to be of help. All the best to you too:)


Hey Mark,

Wow! This is the best article I have ever read about rebound relationship. Why didn’t I come across it earlier? Thanks for your article. I already feel like giving up but reading this has given me so much hope. It also teaches me exactly what to expect and exactly what to do for different situation.

I also like your other article about what it really takes to get your ex boyfriend back. Please keep up the good work!


    Hi Susan,

    Glad you like these 2 articles. I know a lot of people will worry when they see their ex dating someone else. However, the situation is usually not as bad as it seems. Hopefully, this article has given you some practical tips on how to deal with the situation.


Hi Mark,
Well me and my ex breakup 5 months ago and he is in a new relationship with this girl for like 3 months now. We still talk to each other because I see him every day as we go to the same university, but lately he started to ignore me and don’t text me at all. He even unfollowed me on Instagram saying that his girlfriend begged him to do so. I really want him and I did all you said. I’m patient about it. I don’t know what to do next. I swear I don’t know because now he is ignoring me after we start to get a great connection. I think his girl gets jealous now but what should I do? Should I give up? Or continue? Please I need your help and thanks for everything.


    I don’t think your situation is hopeless. So there is no need to give up so early. The fact that you attend the same university as him means you get to see him every now and then. He can choose to ignore you. But you can always choose how you respond. You can always be friendly and smile at him with sincerity.

    If every time he sees you and you smile at him, he can’t ignore you forever unless his heart is made of stone. As I mentioned in this article, the fact that his current girlfriend is insecure and jealous is a good sign for you.


My ex got into a rebound relationship a week after we broke up. I didn’t handle it very well unfortunately…
It’s been about 3 months and they are still together. I have expressed to him that I don’t think she’s right for him and maybe he should break up with her and I was kind of mean about it the other day (I know not the best idea).
He has opened up to me and tells me when they are having problems although he won’t tell me what the problem is. They had problems for a good month and a half, maybe 2. But he told me he’s in love with her(I don’t think it’s actually love, especially only 3 months in) and that things are going well now.
The school year starts back and they are going to different colleges, but in the same city. I honestly believe the school year is going to put a strain on their relationship and probably ruin it, but I don’t know.
Also his girlfriend has been telling him to cut me off since day 1. He told her he wasn’t going to till he knew I was ok from the break up. Now I’m doing much better and he’s been lying to her and told her he cut me off when he really hasn’t.
Do you think that huge issue, combined with the stress of college will probably break them up. I know I’ll still have to wait, but I just want your opinion.


    Don’t focus on when or whether they will break up. Even if they do, that doesn’t necessary mean your ex will choose you again if the reasons that cause your breakup are still there.

    Also, if you keep on focusing on when they will breakup, it is going to show when you are talking to him. If all your conversation with him is about the other girl and not about you and him, that is not going to inspire him to get back together with you.

    Instead, focus on your connection with him. Learn how to connect with him on an emotional level. Figure out what causes your breakup and work on that. Develop new relationship skills. That is going to give you much better results.

    Don’t lose sight of what is important and and chase after the wrong goal. Your goal is not to break them up. Don’t waste time on what you can’t control. Instead, you are trying to improve your relationship with him. So this is a good time for you to work on yourself and build a strong foundation for your relationship.

    You may want to read this article again as well as the my other article “What it really takes to get your ex boyfriend back”. This should give you a big picture of what you should be focusing on.


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