How To Get Your Ex Back From A Rebound Relationship
I won’t be surprised if you have already read a lot of articles about rebound relationships before you came here.
So what makes this article different from the rest?
Well, because I will be covering this topic from 2 different perspectives.
1. If you want to get your ex back from a rebound relationship, what you are going to learn here can increase your chances of success.
2. If you are the rebound and want to turn the relationship into something real, you should pay attention to what I say in this article too.
And for the men who landed on this page and want to know whether this article is relevant to you, the answer is yes. What I will be covering in this article is relevant to both men and women.
Why 2 Different Perspectives?
The Sun Tzu Art of War says,
Know thy enemy,
Fight Hundred Battles,
Win Hundred Battles.
Now with that said, I don’t think it is appropriate to use the word “enemy”. After all, she is not really fighting a battle of life and death with you.
Perhaps a better word to use is “competitor”. In fact, even “competitor” is not that suitable because you are not really competing with anyone here.
The key to getting your ex back is actually to focus on yourself and the emotional connection between you and your ex. I will explain more about this later.
For the rest of this article, I am simply using the word “competitor” out of convenience because I can’t think of a better word to use right now.
However, I don’t want you to have this aggressive or competitive attitude towards the other woman because it is not conducive to getting your ex back.
Anyway, regardless of which side you are on, by knowing more about yourself and your competitor, you will have an unfair advantage.
Basically, here are the 4 areas you want to know.
1. Your Strength
What you can do to improve your emotional connection with your ex.
2. Your Weakness
What you may unknowingly do to sabotage your own chances. After reading this article, you are less likely to make these mistakes.
3. Your Competitor’s Strength
What advantages your competitor has over you.
Chances are you don’t have to worry too much about it. Most probably, your competitor will not leverage her advantages.
I will tell you later.
4. Your Competitor’s Weakness
What your competitor may do to push your ex away.
You are probably going to see a lot of them. That is why it is so important for you to learn this information so that you can leverage your strength when your competitor show her weaknesses.
By having this information at the back of your fingertips, you are more likely to come up with an effective strategy to help you save your relationship. You will know how to respond according to the situation.
If all these things sound confusing to you so far, don’t worry.
Things will get clearer after you finish reading this article.
In fact, you may want to read this article a few times to let the information sink into your head as I am going to cover quite a lot of stuff here.
What Exactly Is a Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is often defined as a new relationship that started soon after ending a significant relationship, usually for the purpose of distracting oneself from thinking about the old relationship.
At least that is the definition that you get from many relationship websites.
However, I have a slightly different opinion. I do agree that most rebound relationships are started shortly after a breakup but there are always exceptions.
After all, how short is short?
Is the relationship considered a rebound if it is started 3 months after breaking up?
How about 6 months?
What about a year?
These are common questions that I often see.
I think the emphasis here is more on the emotions rather then the time elasped. A new relationship can be started one year after a breakup and still be considered a rebound if the emotions have not been properly dealt with.
In fact, in real life, I know there are people who still can’t let go of their ex even though it has been 10 years or more since the breakup.
So much so that it is interfering with their ability to form a healthy relationship with someone else.
These people may find themselves getting into one new relationship after another but ultimately none of them will work because at the back of their mind, that particular ex is still the best.
As far as I am concern, I consider these relationships as a form of rebound even though they may not necessary be started “shortly” after a breakup.
Of course, I am writing this article based on the assumption that most of you reading this have only broken up with your ex for less than one year.
Therefore, you don’t have to worry too much about the 10 years example. I am simply using that example to illustrate to you that you can’t judge whether a relationship is a rebound simply by using the time factor.
So if you are wondering whether your ex’s new relationship is a rebound, don’t place so much emphasis on the time.
Don’t worry about whether the new relationship is started immediately, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or 1 year after the breakup.
Instead, look at how your ex is dealing with his emotions.
With that said, do take note that it is not always apparent whether your ex is rebounding.
Just because your ex seems happy in his current relationship doesn’t necessary mean it is not a rebound.
But what if the relationship really isn’t a rebound?
Well, it may still be possible to get your ex back if you play your cards right.
So don’t automatically take yourself out of the picture so soon. After all, you won’t know who your ex will choose eventually if you don’t give it your best shot.
How to Tell Whether Your Ex Is Indeed In A Rebound Relationship
One possible sign is that your ex is dating someone who seems to be completely different from you.
Another possible sign is if your ex keeps telling you how great his current relationship is. We shall discuss more about this later.
For now, I want to focus on the third sign, which is the speed of progress of the new relationship.
For example, maybe when you were together with your ex, he only introduces you to his friends and family after 6 months.
But now, it is only 2 weeks into his new relationship and his friends and family have already met the new girl. In fact, he has also met all important people in her life.
And here is a classic one.
Finding out that your ex is engaged.
It is definitely a big blow for you to find out that your ex is getting married so soon after the breakup.
But before you throw in the towel, I am going to tell you that it may be too early for you to give up.
Most probably, the marriage will not come to fruition. In fact, it is highly likely that the rebound relationship is going to end very soon.
Why is that so?
As mentioned above, people usually get into a rebound relationship in order to distract themselves from thinking about the old relationship.
In other words, they are simply suppressing their negative emotions. However, they can only suppress their negative emotions for so long. Eventually, they will have to deal with them.
What is likely to happen is that as the date of marriage draws near, your ex is going to get increasingly disturbed about his decision.
He is going to question himself about why he is even marrying a girl that he hardly knew. In other words, he will start “waking up”.
From this moment onwards, he is going to feel very conflicted.
On one hand, he wants to breakup with that girl. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to be a jerk and dump her when they were already talking about marriage.
Of course, there are other factors such as ego that may be stopping him from breaking up with the rebound.
After all, it can be pretty embarrassing when you have already announced to all your friends and family that you are getting married only to tell them later that the wedding is cancelled.
So don’t be surprised if the breakup happen at the very last minute, like maybe a few weeks or even a few days before the wedding.
This is especially true if your ex happens to be someone who is very indecisive or non confrontational in nature. Usually, people with this type of personality tend to procrastinate and avoid making important decision until the very last minute.
You may be wondering why I am actually telling you all these things.
First, I don’t want you to panic unnecessarily. Knowing all these things in advance will help you deal with the situation better.
Second and more importantly, I want you to know what your ex may potentially be going through. After all, one of the key attributes you need to have if you want to get your ex back is empathy.
If you don’t know how to support him emotionally during this trying period, at least don’t go and add unnecessary drama to his life. Don’t beg him not to get married.
Remember, just because the rebound relationship ended doesn’t necessary mean he will want to get back together with you. If you actually created drama during the trying period, you will sabotage your own chances.
Can A Rebound Relationship Work?
Most rebound relationships don’t work because they are often started for the wrong reasons.
Of course, the keyword here is “most”.
In other words, there are some relationships that may start off as a rebound and eventually work.
You probably know it already. It is just common sense. There will definitely be some rebound relationships that can work.
Let’s be honest here. I believe you don’t really care whether other rebound relationships can work because it is none of your business.
What you are really interested to know is whether your ex’s rebound relationships will work, isn’t it?
Well, there are 2 main factors that will determine the outcome of your ex’s rebound relationship.
The first factor is your competitor.
The second factor is obviously you.
If you happen to have an extremely secure and emotionally matured competitor who knows what she is doing, then she might just be able to make the rebound work.
With that said, I don’t think you have to worry too much about your competitor.
A secure competitor is more of an exception rather than the norm. Most probably, your competitor is going to be very insecure especially if they know your ex is still in contact with you.
Even if you happen to have a strong competitor, it is not like you can do anything about it since you have no control over other people. So you might as well focus on what you have control over, which is you.
The First Step of Getting Your Ex Back From A Rebound Relationship
Whether your ex is dating someone else or not, and whether the new relationship is a rebound, the first step of getting your ex back is still the same.
It has to start from you working on yourself first. This is because if you are still operating out of fear, even if you know what I am going to share with you intellectually, you will still have the tendency to work against your own interest and sabotage yourself.
You may wonder what exactly do I mean by working on yourself. It is so vague, isn’t it?
Well, I have already written a pretty long and detailed article about it. So if you want more information on how exactly to work on yourself, you can read this article: What It Really Takes to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back.
What Can Potentially Happen When Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship
Now, it is time for you to discover what may happen along the way when you are trying to get your ex back from a rebound relationship.
By knowing them in advance, at least you can be prepared. More importantly, you are less likely to panic or over react and end up making the wrong decision.
Do take note that not every situation described below will happen to you. They are simply possibilities.
In general, the more insecure your competitor is and the more you are able to connect with your ex at a deeper emotional level, the more likely some (not all) of the situations described below are going to happen.
Your Ex May Seem Very Happy In His New Relationship
If you still remember, at the beginning of this article, I told you that it is not always obvious whether your ex is in a rebound relationship,
Maybe your ex seems to be really happy in his new relationship. Maybe you see him posting a lot of happy photos on Facebook.
So you feel really crushed. All kinds of doubts started creeping into your mind.
You started asking:
Does our relationship mean anything to him? Why is he moving on so fast?
Is it even worth trying?
Before you start getting too emotional and entertain all kinds of negative thoughts, I want you to start considering other possibilities.
Maybe he is just pretending to be happy? Maybe it is just the honeymoon phase of the new relationship?
First, let’s talk about the Facebook stuff. How often do you see people posting sad photos of themselves?
Probably not very often. After all, people don’t want to air their dirty linen in public.
And how many people actually take photos when they are sad?
In fact, you have probably heard of stories about people breaking up out of the blue even though a few weeks ago, they have posted many photos on Facebook.
So why take those happy photos so seriously?
Maybe you will ask, “What if he is truly happy in his new relationship?”
Well, I am not going to rule out that possibility. What I am trying to tell you here is not to jump into conclusion and be open to other possibilities.
Don’t just give in to the first negative thought that comes into your mind. Get the facts right first.
To know whether he is truly happy, it may take some time for the truth to unveil.
Eventually, you may start finding out that he is actually quite unhappy. By then, you will be able to confirm that his new relationship is indeed a rebound.
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Your Ex May Tell You How Good His Current Relationship Is
Alright, this is even worse, isn’t it?
Instead of you drawing conclusion that he is happy, now you are hearing it from the horse’s mouth.
If he is telling you that he is happy, it must be the truth right?
Once again, before you take what he says too seriously and decided to give up, I want you to consider other possibilities.
Here are some possible reasons why he is telling you so.
1. He Doesn’t Want to Waste Your Time
At this stage, he hasn’t got enough time to see how much you have changed and improved (assuming that you have been putting in serious effort to work on yourself).
Therefore, he doesn’t see himself getting back together with you at this stage. Telling you that he is happy in his new relationship is his way of letting you down gently.
2. He Is Trying to Convince Himself
Maybe it is due to ego or some other reasons, he is trying to convince himself that he has made the right decision to get into the new relationship.
After all, it is human nature not to want to appear stupid in front of other people. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have made a mistake.
3.He Is Trying to Make You Jealous
However, I think the two reasons mentioned above are much more likely.
Besides the three mentioned above, there may be other reasons why he tells you he is happy.
The important lesson for you to take away is that you shouldn’t be so easily discouraged by what he says.
Like I mentioned above, get the facts right first.
By now, you probably have a question. You want to know how to tell whether he is really telling the truth or just lying to you that he is happy. Obviously, you know it is not a good idea to ask him whether he is telling the truth.
Well, a little bit of awareness will help you here. If you have a certain level of awareness, you will probably be able to sense that something is not right, that he is not really as happy as he claims.
That is why I told you earlier that it is extremely important to work on yourself. If you are still hurting and you didn’t take the time to develop your awareness, then what he says will probably crush you emotionally.
A tell tale sign that he is lying to you is that he seems to be trying very hard to convince you about his happiness. After all, a truly happy person don’t need to go around to tell people that he is happy. You can probably see it from the “glow” on his face. Once again, awareness will come in handy here.
Your Ex May Tell You How Bad His Current Relationship Is
At the initial stages, when your ex is still trying to resist you, he may tell you how happy he is in the new relationship.
If you managed to survive the initial stages and not get thrown off by what he says and instead just focus on connecting with him on a deeper emotional level, eventually your ex will stop resisting you.
Instead, he will start to trust you more. He will start to be more vulnerable with you.
So don’t be surprise if he starts telling you how bad his current relationship is.
With that said, I am going to give you a warning.
Don’t over react.
What I noticed is that a lot of people get very edgy when they hear their ex talking about their rebound relationship.
I know it doesn’t feel good for you to hear him talking about his rebound relationship.
However, you need to understand that it is not necessary a bad thing.
It may actually be a good sign.
One reason why so many people fail to get their ex back is because they mistake a good sign for a bad one.
They have this tendency to think negatively. They will start wondering whether their ex is playing mind games on them or trying to lead them on.
What they didn’t realize is that their ex is simply being vulnerable.
So make sure you don’t make the same mistake. The wrong thinking will cause you to do the wrong things and sabotage yourself.
Let say you think your ex is playing mind games on you. How do you think you will react? Maybe you will be sarcastic to him and push him away.
On the other hand, if you can recognize that he is just being vulnerable with you, you will be able to empathize with him. Don’t you think that will help you score more points with your ex?
Can you see the difference?
Can you see how a small change in thinking can give you an entirely different outcome?
How Long Does A Rebound Relationship Last?
As much as you want to know the answer, I have to tell you that this question is quite meaningless.
After all, the best answer I can give you is the standard answer, which is anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.
How helpful is that answer to you? Will knowing that help you get your ex back? Probably not.
So let’s forget about all those impractical stuff.
Instead, I am going to tell you something very useful and practical.
Let say you have managed to survive the initial stage where your ex is resisting you, telling you how good his relationship is.
Let say you managed to survive the next stage where your ex is starting to open up to you, telling you how bad his relationship is.
Now, you are at a stage where your emotional connection with him is very strong.
It almost feels like you are back together, except that you are not really back together. In fact, he is still in the rebound relationship.
And that is where a lot of people may screw up. That is why I need to give you an advance warning so that you won’t make the same mistake if you managed to progress this far.
I have one word for you – patience!
You see, a lot of people screw up because of impatience.
They started to think whether their ex is stringing them along or is trying to have the cake and eat it too.
They started becoming insecure. Therefore, they started putting pressure on their ex to breakup with the rebound or they give their ex an ultimatum.
Don’t do that!
You know there is a Chinese saying, “One wrong chess move and you lose the entire game”.
It means you are already in total control of the situation. However, if you make one wrong move due to carelessness or impatience, it is still possible to lose the entire game.
It perfectly describe your situation.
If you managed to have such a strong emotional connection with your ex, you are already 80% of the way to getting your ex back.
I believe it wasn’t easy for you to get so far. Most people will probably spent at least 4 months or more to reach the 80% mark.
So let me ask you.
Is it worth it to waste 4 months of your effort because of impatience?
You have to learn to put yourself in the shoes of your ex.
Just because you are starting to have a very strong emotional connection with your ex doesn’t mean he is going to breakup with his rebound immediately.
You have to understand that breaking up is not an easy thing to do. I know this may sound strange to you. After all, didn’t your ex already breakup with you (assuming your ex was the one who initiated the breakup)?
Well, most probably, your ex had been thinking of breaking up at least a few weeks or even a few months before actually breaking the news to you.
Therefore, your ex will probably need some time before he breakup with the rebound.
In fact, do you know that your ex may be going through an emotional turmoil?
After all, it is going to be a very hard decision for your ex. As far as your ex is concerned, he broke up with you for a reason.
The last thing he wants is to get back together with you only to find out that he is walking back into the same old relationship. He doesn’t want to break up with you again because it will hurt both of you.
To him, getting back together with you is a risk. Therefore, he needs to be absolutely sure you are the better choice for him before he can make a firm decision to breakup with the rebound.
So what you need to do is not to force him to leave the rebound relationship. Instead, you need to focus on deepening your emotional connection with him and eventually, he will breakup with the rebound.
In fact, don’t be surprised if he started telling you that he is considering breaking up with the rebound. Or if he has difficulty breaking up, he may even tell you the reasons and ask you to give him some time.
You role here is to be understanding, not to put pressure on him.
Your Ex May Cut Off Contact With You
There is no fixed timing on when your ex will stop contacting you. It can happen in the beginning of the rebound relationship or it can happen much later.
With that said, please don’t automatically assume that your ex is in a rebound relationship if they stop contacting you.
I am simply telling you that when your ex is in a rebound relationship, they may cut off contact with you. And it is just a possibility, not a certainty.
The reverse is not necessary true. Just because your ex cut off contact with you doesn’t mean they are dating someone else.
I find it necessary to mention this because after helping people with their breakup for the past few years, I noticed that a lot of people have this tendency to think of the worst case scenario.
This kind of thinking can cause you to do the wrong things and push your ex away. So make sure you don’t assume that your ex is dating someone unless you have real hard evidence.
Next, let’s discuss why your ex may cut off contact with you when they are in a rebound.
Why Your Ex May Cut Off Contact With You In The Beginning of His Rebound Relationship
Because he is serious about his new relationship.
“He is serious!”
“Oh no! Do I still have a chance?”
Before you start panicking, let’s put things into perspective.
You probably don’t have to worry too much about his seriousness.
I believe that your ex is not a jerk.
In other words, he is not out there, actively hunting for victims to get into a rebound relationship with him so that he can heal himself and after achieving his objective, dump them.
He really believes that (or should I say he really wants to believe that) this new relationship is the right one for him. That is why he is serious about her. In order to prove to himself that he is serious, he may decide to cut off contact with you on his own accord.
It may also be the request of your competitor for him to stop contacting you. Therefore, he is just respecting her wish to prove that he is serious about her.
The problem here is that he is not just 100% serious.
Often, what you see in a typical rebound relationship is 200% or even 300% seriousness. Too much of a good thing is not so good after all.
People try to move too fast in a rebound, even to the extent of getting engaged after a few months.
However, as mentioned in the beginning of this article, your ex will eventually start to question what he is doing.
Why is he getting so serious so soon about someone he barely knew.
Why Your Ex May Cut Off Contact With You When Things Are Progressing Well
This can be really frustrating.
Unlike the situation above, your ex is actually open to contact with you.
Maybe in the beginning of the rebound, your competitor has expressed concern about him meeting you.
However, he reassured her that both of you are just friends and there is nothing to worry about.
Therefore, you still have a chance to be in contact with your ex.
If you have been doing things right, you may notice that your ex is starting to open up to you.
Just when everything seems to be going well, suddenly he stop contacting you.
Most probably, it is because your competitor is starting to get very insecure, to the extent that she is creating a lot of drama.
In order to appease her and avoid the drama, your ex decided that the best thing to do is to cut off contact with you.
Maybe your ex will just cut you off directly without telling you why.
But what is more likely to happen, assuming both of you have been interacting well, is that he will tell you why he has to stop contacting you.
The best thing you can do now is to be the graceful woman but try to leave the door open so that it is easier for you to enter the room next time.
For example, you don’t want to say, “Fine, I will respect your wish and not contact you again.”
It makes you look petty and that is certainly not going to help you win your ex’s affection.
A much better response will be “I know you are in a tough situation right now and I don’t want to put you in a spot. I will stop contacting you.”
This is a much better response because it shows that you understand the difficult situation he is in. However, it is still far from perfect because you are sort of closing the door.
The next time you want to contact him, it may be a little weird. After all, didn’t you say you will stop contacting him?
The best response will be something like “I know you are in a tough situation right now and I don’t want to put you in a spot. I will stop contacting you for the time being. However, I really enjoy talking to you and I hope we can get in touch again in the future.”
This helps you keep the door open and your ex will probably agree.
What You Have Learned So Far
So far, you have learned that when you are trying to get your ex back from a rebound relationship, you may face the following situations:
1. Your ex may move the relationship too fast, even to the extent of planning to get married.
2. Your ex may seem very happy in his new relationship.
3. Your ex may tell you how good his new relationship is.
4. Your ex may tell you how bad his new relationship is.
5. Your ex may cut off contact with you or request that you stop contacting him.
These situations are quite common and it is very likely that you will encounter at least one of them. Hopefully, with the information you have learned so far, you are now more prepared to handle them.
With that said, I know you may still have many questions.
In the ideal world, I would love to write an article that can address every single question you have.
However, in the real world, it is simply impossible for me to do so.
For example, I told you what you shouldn’t do if you know your ex is getting married. But I never told you what to do.
So some people may ask me questions like whether they should contact their ex, how often to contact their ex and what they should say.
I didn’t give you an answer here because every situation is different and may require a different approach.
After all, I don’t know your current emotional state.
If you are still very emotional over the breakup, you shouldn’t contact him yet as your emotions may cause you to do something that push him away.
I don’t know your ex’s last impression of you.
If your last few interactions with him were positive, then you can probably contact him more often. Otherwise, it may be better to reduce the frequency until he starts opening up again.
I don’t know how much your ex trust you.
If your ex don’t really trust you yet, you can say things with good intention but your ex may interpret what you say in a different way.
That is why it is impossible for me to tell you what to do for every single situation.
Which is why I encourage you to develop the skills I mentioned in this article.
When you have a good mastery of these skills, you will be able to feel into the situation and know what you need to do. You don’t have to keep on relying on relationship experts to give you the answers.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Remember in the beginning of this article, we talked about the importance of both you and your competitor’s strengths and weaknesses?
Now it’s time for us to go into more details.
Do you know that you actually have a huge advantage over your competitor?
Why is that so?
Because of the decoy effect, which you can leverage to significantly increase your chances of getting your ex back from a rebound relationship.
Since this is a pretty long article, I don’t want to confuse you by introducing you too many new concepts at once. So I decided to share with you more about the decoy effect in my newsletter instead.
If you are really serious about getting your ex back from the rebound and you want to learn more about the decoy effect, you can sign up for my newsletter here. On day 4 of my newsletter, I will be sending you a video that explains the decoy effect in more details.
For now, you just need to know two things.
1. If you know how to leverage the decoy effect, your chances of getting your ex back is around 80%.
2. The best way to leverage the decoy effect is to become the best version of yourself.
I know you may find it hard to believe. Hopefully, after watching the video that I am going to share with you on Day 4 of my newsletter, it will increase your confidence.
Your main weakness is your tendency to over react when you learned that your ex is in a rebound relationship.
That is the reason why I spent a good portion of this article telling you what are the possible situations you may face so that you don’t act out on your ex or throw in the towel too early.
If you have taken the time to read and digest the information I shared with you so far, I am pretty sure it can minimize your weakness.
That is also the reason why I said it is important to heal yourself first before you try to get your ex back, especially when they are in a relationship with someone else.
If you are not properly healed, you won’t have the emotional strength to do the right things.
Another weakness is that you and your ex broke up for a reason. Yes, I know it sounds cliche but that’s true, isn’t it?
Usually, people breakup because they didn’t have the proper relationship skills to handle small problems in a relationship. Eventually, small problems become big problems and eventually lead to a breakup.
That is why it is so important for you to work on yourself and develop new relationship skills so that you know how to fix those problems.
After all, your ex will only consider getting back together with you if they can see that you have changed for the better and they are not going back into the same old relationship.
Your Competitor’s Strengths
Most rebound relationships don’t work but we cannot deny the fact that some will.
So what makes a rebound relationship work?
When you have a strong competitor who knows what she is doing.
She knows your ex has just broken up and haven’t really got over the old relationship.
Therefore, she doesn’t try to push for a commitment. In fact, she encourages him and gives him a lot of space to process his own emotions.
She has excellent communication and listening skills. She knows how to listen without passing any judgement. She knows how to connect with your ex on a deep emotional level.
She is extremely secure about herself and doesn’t get jealous easily. She trust him and isn’t worried about him meeting his ex.
While your ex may want to move the relationship fast, she knows how to control the pace of the relationship and keep it at a healthy level.
When your competitor is equipped with all these skills, she will be able to leverage her main advantage over you, which is close proximity with your ex.
With that said, I told you in the beginning of this article that you don’t have to worry too much.
Because most probably, your competitor will not know how to leverage her advantage.
Why is that so?
Because most people are insecure. They don’t have these relationship skills.
So the chances of you facing such a strong competitor is extremely low.
Let’s face it. Most people won’t even bother to learn new relationship skills unless they have problems in their relationship.
Let’s be honest here. Don’t deny it. If I am not wrong, you probably won’t bother to learn about all these things if you haven’t gone through a breakup. At least, that’s true for most people. Maybe you are the exception, I don’t know.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking down to you. After all, I am as guilty as you in this respect. So I am not judging you in anyway.
I am simply stating the fact that most people won’t bother to learn new relationship skills until they hit a crisis in their relationship.
So you probably don’t have to worry about having a strong competitor.
Your Competitor’s Weakness
If you need more reassurance, let me say it again. Most people will not face a strong competitor.
Therefore, you should not worry if you encounter situation such as your ex getting married.
Think about it. If your ex is moving the relationship really fast and your competitor is going along with it, what does this reveal about your competitor?
It shows that your competitor is probably quite inexperienced in relationship and probably quite insecure as well.
That means you will have a good chance to get your ex back if you have a good plan.
Also, if your competitor is creating a lot of drama, forcing your ex to have to stop contacting you, that doesn’t mean you have to give up.
Chances are her insecurity will eventually lead to the breakup of the rebound relationship. Even if your ex really stop contacting you, she will still be suspicious and end up arguing with your ex.
A person can only put up with nonsense for so long. Initially, your ex may try to pacify her. However, if this continues, he is going to breakup with her.
This kind of situation is very common.
Don’t be surprised if your ex contact you a few weeks to a few months later, telling you that he has just broken up with her.
So if you can spot any weaknesses in your competitor, don’t give up so easily if you believe that your relationship is worth saving.
There Is No Mind Games Involved Here
Please take note that I am not advocating any form of mind games here.
I know it may seem that way, especially if you just skim through the entire article without reading it carefully.
After all, I am not asking you to backstab your competitor or do anything unethical.
I am not asking you to exploit your competitor’s weaknesses.
What I am advocating here is “Personal Responsibility”.
I am simply telling you to put in the effort to become the best version of yourself so that you can dramatically increase your chances of getting your ex back.
While you are trying to get your ex back, your competitor may feel insecure and show all kinds of weaknesses.
However, you need to understand that your competitor’s behavior and emotional state is not your responsibility.
I will use an analogy here.
Let say you are in a very competitive work environment. You are extremely talented and hardworking and always give your best while your colleagues are simply lazing around.
This makes some of your colleagues very insecure. Is it your fault that they are insecure?
Not at all. You are simply doing your best. You are not backstabbing or gossiping about them?
What’s wrong with that?
So it is the same for your relationship.
You are simply doing your best to get your ex back and you are doing it in an ethical way, which is to become the best version of yourself so that you can bring more value to your relationship.
What’s wrong with that?
Similarly, if you feel insecure because your ex is dating someone else, that’s not your competitor’s fault.
After all, you should take responsibility for your own emotional state. If you don’t, no one will take responsibility for you.
Of course, eventually, whether your ex chooses you, your competitor or none of you, that is your ex’s responsibility.
Everything I am saying here is all about “Personal Responsibility”.
In fact, if you believe that there is a future between you and your ex, but you don’t take the necessary action to get your ex back because you are afraid of failure or rejection, don’t you think that is very irresponsible of you?
Don’t you think you have let yourself down?
I don’t know whether you agree with me but I thought this is something you may want to think about.
What If You Are The Rebound?
Well, everything I mentioned in this article is relevant to you too.
Most probably, you are facing either one of these 2 situations now.
1. You are still in the relationship but realize that you may be the rebound and you are trying to figure out how to make this relationship work.
2. You have already broken up but you still want him back even though you are the rebound.
Let’s start with the first situation.
1. You are still in the relationship and want to make it work.
So you want to make a rebound relationship work? Then, become the strong competitor I talked about.
I have already mentioned the key attributes you need to have. You can read it again here.
Obviously, don’t sabotage yourself.
Don’t do things like checking his phone, whether secretly or openly.
No one likes to be doubted by their partner.
Don’t create drama just to stop him from seeing his ex. This is even more important if he really has valid reasons to see his ex such as they have kids together, or they are business partners etc.
In other words, don’t be a “small” petty woman. Don’t be insecure.
That is probably one of the biggest reasons why so many rebound relationships don’t work.
Their own insecurity hasten the demise of the relationship.
Instead, be the “bigger” woman. Be more magnanimous. Have more confidence in yourself.
I know it is easier said than done for many people. But really, if you want to make your relationship work, then it is your responsibility to learn how to take charge of your own emotions.
Let’s continue with the second situation.
2. You realize you are the rebound and you have broken up with your ex but you still want to save the relationship.
As mentioned earlier, people do take rebound relationship seriously, except that maybe they are a little bit too serious.
The important point is they have been serious before. So even if you are the rebound, chances are your ex will have some true feelings for you.
At the very least, they find you attractive enough to want to be in a relationship with you.
So it is not totally impossible to get back together.
Obviously, I am also assuming that you have a very good reason to get back together with your ex.
Maybe he is able to connect with you in a way that no other guys could. Maybe you think you have a lot more to offer compared to your competitor.
If you have really taken the time to think through it and really believe that this relationship is worth saving, then by all means go for it.
Don’t worry about whether you are the rebound or not.
Are You Worried That You Only Have A 20% Chance to Get Your Ex Back?
Perhaps you are worried because earlier, I mentioned that due to the decoy effect, your competitor has an 80% of getting her ex back.
In other words, it seems like you have a huge disadvantage.
Well, I don’t think you have to worry too much about that.
Before you think I am contradicting myself, let me explain.
The 80% chance is only valid if she leverages her advantages. In other words, she has to be so serious about saving the relationship that she actually put in a whole lot of effort to work on herself.
Unfortunately (or should I say fortunately for you), most people will not put in the necessary effort to save their relationship.
There are many reasons for that.
Some people allow negative thoughts to control them.
They don’t even believe that it is possible to get their ex back.
It doesn’t matter how much you want to get your ex back. If you don’t even believe that it is possible, you can have the best advice and you will not bother to implement them.
Some people will take shortcut to save their relationship.
Instead of learning new relationship skills so they can save their relationship in a healthy way, they take shortcut instead.
They focus on learning some magic words to say or some weird psychological tactics to manipulate their ex to get back together with them.
Sometimes, these tricks can work but usually, the result is temporary. Before you know it, they breakup again because without the right relationship skills, they will not be able to address the true cause of the breakup.
Some people don’t have the patience and determination to see things to the very end.
Let’s not forget that we are living in a fast food society today. Everyone wants to get their ex back by yesterday.
They may put in the initial effort but give up when the going gets tough or when things don’t happen as quickly as they want.
They don’t understand that getting an ex back is a process, often a slow one, and it can take time for your effort to bear fruits.
Therefore Your Chances Is Higher Than 20%
That is why I said you don’t have to worry too much about the decoy effect.
Don’t forget that your ex broke up with your competitor for a reason. Unless your competitor decided to take the proper approach to save her relationship and learn how to fix the root cause of the breakup, you don’t have to worry too much.
Worrying is not going to help you anyway. You have no control over other people. So you might as well focus on what you can do.
How to Maximize Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back
To conclude, it doesn’t matter whether you are trying to get your ex back from a rebound or you are the rebound.
If you want to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, you have to focus on becoming the best version of yourself so that you can bring more value to the table.
This makes your ex more likely to choose you over your competitor.
You have to develop new relationship skills, such as the ones I mentioned in this article.
If You Are Not The Rebound…
Don’t be complacent just because I said you have an 80% chance due to the decoy effect.
If you don’t learn the proper approach to get your ex back, the decoy effect won’t work for you and your chances will be much lower than 80%.
You definitely have a huge advantage here.
However, to maximize your advantage, you have to take personal responsibility and do whatever it takes.
If You Are The Rebound…
Don’t be discouraged by the decoy effect.
As mentioned earlier, most people are not willing to put in the effort to leverage it. So your chances is probably much higher than 20%.
So my suggestion for you is the same. Take personal responsibility and do whatever it takes.
Your Biggest Enemy Is You
I have used the word “competitor” many times in this article. Like I told you, I am only using the word out of convenience.
You shouldn’t treat the other person as your competitor.
Because eventually, whether your ex wants to get back together with you depends on whether he can see that the relationship will be better than before the breakup.
So instead of focusing on the other woman, you might as well focus on yourself.
This is because you are your greatest competitor.
In fact, in this case, I think “enemy” is a much better word to use.
You are your biggest enemy when it comes to getting your ex back.
If all you are focusing on are negative thoughts such as,
“Oh no. He is dating someone else. He must have moved on.”
“Am I the rebound? Is this hopeless?”
then you have already failed before you even started.
So if you are truly serious about getting your ex back, start taking personal responsibility for your own thoughts.
This is applicable to everyone. Not just those who are involved in a rebound situation.
Don’t be your biggest enemy.
Be your biggest ally instead!
What If You Are Facing A Strong Competitor?
Recently, I received a question from a lady telling me that she might be facing a strong competitor. So I decided to update the article with this section.
So what should you do if you are in this situation?
First, I want you to consider that maybe your competitor is not as strong as you think.
Second, even if your competitor is really strong, your strategy is still going to be the same. You are still going to work on becoming the best version of yourself. Don’t forget, you still have the advantage of the decoy effect working for you.
Let me use an analogy here.
Have you been watching the Olympic games recently? Do you think there is a weak competitor in the Olympic?
Of course not! Each participant is the best from their country.
Here comes the important question.
Do you think the winners waste time worrying about how strong their competitors are? Maybe they do worry a little, but they are probably not obsessed about it. It is not like they can do anything about their competitors anyway.
Instead, they focus on what they have control over – themselves. They train everyday to get themselves into tip-top condition. During the big day, they just give it their all. That’s how they become winners.
Do you think someone can become a winner if they waste time worrying about their competitors instead of focusing on themselves? Probably not.
The same principle applies to getting your ex back from a rebound relationship.
You are going to have a much higher chance of success if you focus on training yourself.
As I already mentioned in this article, you are either your biggest ally or your biggest enemy, depending on what you decided to focus on.
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