How Can I Show My Ex That I’ve Changed If They Don’t Want to Meet Me

Perhaps you have read my previous article about how to show your ex that you have changed.

But here’s the problem.

What if you don’t even have the chance to meet your ex?

At least that’s a question one of my readers asked me recently.

I believe many people are struggling with this issue as well. So I decided to write this article to answer this question.


What If Your Ex Doesn’t Want to Meet You

Maybe you are now a much better person but how can you show him your new self when he doesn’t even want to meet you.

Well, it is not unusual for someone to be hesitant about meeting their ex, especially just after a breakup. There can be many reasons for that.

Maybe it has got nothing to do with you. It is just that your ex tends to be avoidant.

Maybe you have indeed done something to push him away out of desperation.

Regardless of the reasons, understand that this is not a permanent situation. In other words, your ex probably won’t refuse to meet you forever.

You just need to know that there are 2 main factors that will lower your ex’s resistance towards you.

The first factor is how you reach out to them and the second factor is time.


How You Reach Out

First, check in with yourself. Have you done anything that increases his resistance towards you?

One very common mistake is sending a super long letter to your ex, expressing all your thoughts and feelings. That can be very overwhelming for your ex, which causes him to avoid you.

If you are absolutely sure you have not done anything that pushes your ex away, then you just have to be patient.



Be patient. If your ex is only willing to engage with you over text, so be it.

Obviously, if your ex seems very cold, always giving you a one or two sentences reply, then it is probably not the right time to ask for a meetup.

However, once your ex started opening up with you over text message over a period of time, you can start planning for it.

Be creative in your approach. Maybe you happen to have a class somewhere near his home. Let him know.

It is better to meet up for a cup of coffee than for dinner because it gives him the impression that it is only a short meeting and it is less threatening.


What If He Doesn’t Even Want To Text Me

The same principle applies here. It is still about time and how you reach out to him.

Be creative in what you sent him. If you need more ideas for text messages, you can get them here.

If you don’t hear back from him, try again in a few weeks. After a few weeks, if he still doesn’t want to reply you, try again. Keep on trying for at least a few times.

As for how many times you should try, that’s up to you. If you truly believe in this relationship, there is nothing wrong with trying more than 10 times. Just make sure you don’t give up after your first attempt. At the very minimum, try at least 3 times.

Most people give up too soon. You don’t want to make the same mistake.


Face to Face Meeting Is Not The Only Way to Show Your Ex That You Have Changed

By the way, just because you can’t meet him face to face doesn’t mean you can’t show him how much you have changed.

If you have truly transformed yourself from the core, it is going to show through your interaction with your ex, even if it is just text messages.

Have really taken the time to upgrade your communication skills?

Do you have the abundance or scarcity mindset?

Are you coming from a place of courage or fear?

Are you responding or reacting to situation?

All these factors will naturally influence the way you write your text messages.

It may be a very subtle change but your ex will noticed it over time.


Are You Sure You Have Changed?

I don’t want to sound like a broken record but I think this is worth mentioning.

If in your mind, you are constantly thinking about how to show your ex that you have changed, then maybe you haven’t really changed as much as you think you have.

The reason why so many people are struggling to connect with their ex on a deeper emotional level is because their minds are all over the places.

They are always thinking of how to impress their ex instead of just being 100% present with their ex.


Here is The Irony

The more you focus on impressing your ex, the more your ex will see you as the same old person. They just can’t feel your presence.

On the other hand, if you just be present with your ex, your ex will noticed how much you have changed because he has never experienced that with you in the past, even when you were still together before the breakup.

This applies for both face to face meeting and text messages.

After all, text messages are not just words. They are often laden with emotions. The only way you can pick up those emotional undertones is to be present. That’s how you can respond accordingly to build emotional connection with your ex.

So even if your ex doesn’t want to meet you, you can still show him your changes through text messages. The key is to stop trying to show him you have changed. Just be present.

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Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 4 comments

Hi Mark,

My fiance and I had known each other for 3.5 years before we started dating, during which time we had something of an on-again-off-again. When we did start dating, though, it was because he’d shown me how much he’d grown up (he was 21, I was 23). He took me on amazing dates, was always thoughtful, never forgot an occasion, took care of my family- emotionally and via other support-during hard times, pushed himself to advance his career for me, etc. He became my best friend. We got engaged a year later and moved in together shortly thereafter.

We had our quarrels, of course, but we worked to resolve them. They usually centered around my being too restrictive, or his disregard for my feelings. (For example, I would like to know where he was when he was out- sometimes excessively- and he would speak for me in public and interrupt me… In retrospect, perhaps he worked harder than I, at this point, for issue resolution.)

We vacationed together and never argued. We thought maybe it was distance that made us negative toward each other and it was something we needed to work on. The last vacation we took was in November, and we both described it as the best time of our lives. When we got back, however, things started to fall apart. We began arguing a lot. He says he remembers what about, but I do not recall. I used empty threats of breakup, which I know is wrong, and he said very hurtful things to me in the process. We were mean to each other.

I believe something of a despondency grew for him, and he just reached his breaking point. He told me a couple of days ago that he is moving out (going to live with his brother and brother’s fiancee), and that our apartment lease will not be renewed. This leaves me to move back in with my parents, along with our two cats, fish, and tortoise- he’s taking our bearded dragon. He’s said that he wants to call it quits on this relationship because he no longer has any desire to be in a relationship. He said he needs time to himself because he’s never had that opportunity and that, if we are meant to be, we’ll rekindle things down the road (be the road 6 months or ten years). If we’re not meant to be, it won’t work, but we need to leave it to fate.

I’ve wanted to work on our relationship, and he says he knows I’ve done everything I can- cleaning up after him without nagging, taking care of him, etc. But it just is not enough and he needs to be alone.

I’m trying hard to respect and understand this, but it is very difficult. I love him, and I still believe in my heart that he is my soulmate. He means the world to me.

What can I do to prove I’ve learned, show him I’ve changed, and rekindle the flame so that he does want to start over with me and not be alone forever?

Thank you.


Hi Mark,

My ex and I dated for 7 months. After the honey moon stage my insecurities and trust issues came up and I initiated numerous petty arguments. I apologized and realized my errors and promised to get better but he became more distant and ultimately he realized he wasn’t ready for commitment because of his depression, no longer doing well in school, and other things. He said he doesn’t want to only find happiness in a relationship and wants to be confident and happy with himself and love himself more.

After reading through your site I realized it all boils down to a lack of an emotional connection that came about from my petty arguing. During the breakup conversation (a week ago) I did the crying and begging and I’m very embarrassed by it now. Especially since I genuinely agree with the fact that he needs to learn to love himself more and I need to learn that and more. He immediately wants us to be friends again but I have a hard time dealing with that. Especially since I would be so uncomfortable with him seeing someone else. (even if it is unlikely due to his introverted personality and the fact that I genuinely believe he wants to be alone)

He says he knows I’m working on myself and sees a bit of progress but he can’t be in a relationship right now because of the stress. I really love him and want him back but I know he needs space. Luckily I’m leaving the country for 1.5 months so I’ll probably be very preoccupied and we’ll have a ton of space. My question is now that I know I have issues how and I work through them? Does it look like there’s any possibility of reconciliation between us? Should I also accept his invitation for friendship even though I previously rejected it?


    Your first question is not something I can answer within a few sentences. However, you can start with the 2 articles I linked to in the comment above.

    Yes, the chance of reconciliation is there. It is not an impossible situation.

    As for whether you should be friends with him, you can refer to this article.

    What to Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Wants to Be Friends


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