Should I Get Back With My Ex
Hey Mark Ong here,
So after doing the exercise mentioned in the video above, do you think your relationship is worth saving?
If your ex meets at least 4 or all 5 of the traits you want in a partner and doesn’t have any deal breakers, then this relationship is very worth saving.
You should definitely write it down on a piece of paper or in your private journal. (of course, keep it safe because you may not want your ex or someone else to see it)
The reason for writing it down is so that you can refer to the paper whenever you meet any obstacles while you are trying to get your ex back.
You are reminding yourself that you have a “strong enough why” to pursue this relationship.
The people who managed to get their ex back are usually the ones with a “strong enough why”.
What If My Ex Has One Deal Breaker?
Well, if your ex has at least 4 of the 5 traits you are looking for, then it may be worth considering.
The key here is that you have to be honest with yourself. Is that really a deal breaker or is it actually something you can truly accept.
It is also important to assume that your ex will never get rid of this deal breaker trait. That is why I say “truly accept”. I didn’t say “you think you can accept and then try to change your ex later”. Trying to change your partner will almost always cause resentment.
Some Other Consideration About Deal Breakers
When considering whether a trait is really a deal breaker, you may want to consider whether it will have a huge impact on your relationship in the future.
For example, if your deal breaker is you will never date someone shorter than you but your ex is just 0.5 inch or 1 cm shorter than you, then maybe that is not really a deal breaker. It probably doesn’t have a huge impact on your future relationship.
On the other hand, if your deal breaker is dishonesty, then you need to take it seriously. For example, if your ex often betray his friends or backstab his colleagues and even brag to you about it, then you should think twice about pursuing this relationship. After all, he can always betray and backstab you as well.
These Are Just Guidelines, Not Rules
Do take note that what is mentioned above are just guidelines that are worth thinking about but they are NOT rules that must be followed.
After all, this is your relationship. You are the one who get to decide what you really want.
For example, if you can only feel totally safe when you are with a man who is at least two inches taller than you, so be it. Let that be a deal breaker for you. Maybe you don’t understand why you feel that way but that is alright.
What If My Ex Didn’t Score That Well?
Maybe your ex has only 3 positive traits but no deal breaker.
Maybe your ex has all 5 positive traits but 2 deal breakers.
So is this relationship still worth saving?
Well, as mentioned, this is just a guideline, not a rule. Anyone can give you advice, but no one can make a decision for you.
The purpose of this exercise is to get you out of autopilot mode. It is to get you to think about what you really want in a relationship.
Let say your ex only has 3 positive traits but no deal breaker, however you still decided that you want your ex back. If that is the case, then go for it.
More importantly, write down the reason why.
By doing so, at least you are pursuing this relationship based on a conscious decision. At least you now have a stronger why. You are no longer just reacting based on your emotions.
With that said, if your ex scored really badly, like only 1 positive trait and 4 negative traits, then you should seriously reconsider your decision to get your ex back.
What’s Interesting About This Exercise
You know what’s interesting about this exercise?
You 5×5 list may change over time as you grow as a person and gain new experiences in life.
What’s considered a deal breaker to you now may no longer be an issue in the future. The positive traits you are looking for may also change over time. With that said, it probably won’t be a drastic change but some changes is very possible.
It may also be affected by your emotional state.
Who knows? 3 to 6 months down the line, your 5×5 list may be different from what you have now.
So you may want to consider bookmarking this page.
This is an exercise that you may want to do a few times to help you get more clarity about what you want out of your relationship.
From the perspective of getting your ex back, I think this is a very important exercise to do.
As I mentioned in my email, the clearer you are about what you want, the stronger your why, the more likely you are to overcome all obstacles and get your ex back.
After doing this exercise, if you decided that your relationship is worth saving,