Should You Sleep With Your Ex Boyfriend or Be Friends With Benefits?
I know this is probably not the first article you read about this topic. I have seen many websites telling you not to have sex with your ex boyfriend.
I agree that it is usually not a good idea. So why write another article that say exactly the same thing?
Well, for 3 reasons.
1. They Didn’t Consider That You Are Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
First, it is not like I am going to write exactly the same thing. I noticed many websites covering this topic never really consider that you may be trying to get your ex boyfriend back. So I decided to cover this topic in more details.
2. I Often Received Questions From Women Who Are Still Sleeping With Their Ex Boyfriend and Are Feeling Hurt
Second, I often receive emails from women who are doing so and are getting emotional about it. I want to let them know that it is not a good idea to continue having sex with their ex boyfriend.
I understand that some women are sleeping with their ex out of fear. They are afraid that rejecting their ex will push them away forever.
Another common reason why women do so is out of hope. They are hoping that it will draw their ex boyfriend closer.
If you are facing the same situation, I hope this article will give you the courage to stop sleeping with him.
With that said, let’s talk about the 4 reasons why you should not have sex with your ex.
1. It Is The Best Filter In The World
Not all men are like that. But there are certainly men who are just using their ex girlfriend to satisfy their desire. The moment they know they can’t get a booty call, you will not see them again.
Just by not having sex with your ex, you can straightaway filter out a man who is just using you. If that is not the best filter in the world, I don’t know what is.
I can’t emphasize enough how important that is. You see, running a website like this means I will often receive emails from women (and sometimes men) asking me about my advice and opinion about their situation.
I lost count of how many times I see the same situation again and again.
Maybe this scenario might look familiar to you.
Basically, every time you see your ex boyfriend, you feel so good and so close to him. He was always the one initiating contact. And of course, you are making love with him.
He is acting like your boyfriend, except that he is still your ex boyfriend. When he is not around, you just feel insecure, not knowing where you actually stand in the relationship. You just want to be fully back together with him again.
Then one day, you decided to have a serious conversation with him. He tells you that he just want to be friends with benefits. He is just using you and stringing you along.
This kind of situation can be avoided if you don’t sleep with your ex in the first place. It is about protecting your heart and your feelings.
2. Men and Women View Sex Differently
I believe most of you will agree with me on this but some of you may think that I am just stereotyping. Oh no, not again. Not the same “men and women are different” bs.
Well, let’s put it this way. Not all stereotypes are created equal. Obviously, some stereotypes have no basis at all. But when it comes to how men and women view sex differently, I find it largely true.
So I am not stereotyping for the sake of stereotyping or just because everyone is saying the same thing. I am doing so because it is practical and useful in this situation.
I believe that most women do expect commitment from the man she sleeps with. That is why I often see women who are trying to get their ex boyfriend back say something like, “I have been sleeping with him. Therefore, I have the rights to know where I stand in the relationship.”
Unfortunately, men in general don’t view sex as commitment.
So if you are sleeping with him and expecting him to come back or move the relationship forward, you are going to feel cheated and disappointed.
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Here Are Some Guidelines For You:
a. If you know you will become emotional and attached to him after the act, don’t do it.
b. If you are making love with him because you think that will make him want more of you and get back together with you, don’t do it.
It just doesn’t work that way as far as men are concerned. Yes, he may want you more. But he just wants more sex. He is still not going to get back together with you.
3. It Clouds Your Emotions and His
When emotions are high, logic is low. If you don’t know how to manage your emotions and think rationally, it is impossible to get your ex back.
Breaking up is already a highly emotional event. So there is really no need to add sex into the equation, which is going to create even more emotions.
Sometimes, people do get back together after sex because it just feels so good. Basically, their judgement have been clouded by the emotions generated by a night of passion.
Once the euphoria is over, they realize that they are getting back together for the wrong reason. The initial causes of the breakup are still there. So they break up again.
If you want to get your ex boyfriend back and more importantly, you want the relationship to last, you want him to take you back for the right reason. You want him to take you back when he is thinking clearly.
Otherwise, you may find yourself in an on again, off again relationship. One moment, you are back together. The next moment, you are broken up again. This is really bad for the health of your relationship.
Why is that so?
Well, in general, it is harder to save a relationship when you have broken up more than once.
Usually, people are hesitant to get back together with their ex even when the feelings are still there because they don’t want to get back into the same relationship that wasn’t working in the first place.
In other words, your ex boyfriend will only consider getting back together with you if he is convinced that this time round, it will be different and better.
If this is not the first time you have broken up with him, it is going to take more effort to convince him. After all, once bitten, twice shy.
Therefore, if you have a choice, try to avoid sleeping with your ex so that you will not fall into an on again, off again relationship.
4. It Spoils Your Chances For Getting Your Ex Back
Simply put, having sex with your ex is going to spoil your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back, based on all the reasons given above.
From a practical standpoint, why make your job more difficult than it needs to be? Getting an ex boyfriend back is already not easy. So don’t shoot yourself in the foot by sleeping with him. Don’t offer or accept to be friends with benefits.
I Understand That It Is Not Easy To Reject Your Ex Boyfriend
There are many reasons mentioned by other websites about why a woman will have sex with her ex such as “it is convenient”, “to satisfy an urge” and more.
For the purpose of this article, I am not really concerned about most of those reasons because they are easier to overcome. I am more concerned about these 2 – fear and hope.
I know sometimes, it can be easier said than done. Most probably, a part of you feel uneasy with the idea of sleeping with him. Yet, you still go ahead because of fear or hope.
If that describes you, I hope the next 2 sections of this article will help you out.
How To Overcome Fear
Perhaps fear is the main reason why you are still sleeping with him even though your heart is telling you that it is not a good idea.
Maybe you are afraid that:
i.He is going to leave you forever if you say no.
ii. It is going to reduce your chances of getting him back.
Well, there is no need to be afraid. Let’s address the 2 reasons one by one.
i. He is going to leave you forever.
Well, if your ex boyfriend decided to leave you forever because he can’t have a booty call with you, then he is probably not that into you. He is probably not a quality man in the first place.
Maybe it is even time for you to consider whether he is the right man for you.
As mentioned in the beginning of this article, this is the best filter in the world. If he isn’t a quality man, don’t be afraid to let him leave.
ii. It is going to reduce your chances of getting him back.
If this is what you are worried about, you may want to read the whole article again. As mentioned above, sleeping with your ex is going to reduce your chances of getting him back, not the other way round.
In other words, you are actually going to have a better chance to get back together if you stop sleeping with him. So it is actually the opposite of what you fear.
How To Deal With Hope
If you are sleeping with him because you are hoping that sex will draw him closer to you, then I am going to ask you to read the whole article again, especially the part on how men and women view sex differently and the part about on again, off again relationship.
Continuing to sleep with him is unlikely going to bring you hope. It is more likely to break your heart and bring you more disappointment.
Is There An Exception?
As you can see, a large part of my article is based around not having sex with your ex. That is because I believe most women will feel emotional about it.
Put it this way. There are definitely people who manage to get back together permanently despite having sex.
So yes, there is definitely an exception. If you can have sex with your ex without being emotional about it, without expecting a certain outcome and it doesn’t conflict with your moral or religious beliefs (in other words, you won’t feel guilty about it) and you know your ex is not the type of person who will use you, then you can certainly sleep with him.
My only concern is this. Some women may overestimate themselves, thinking that they will not feel emotional about it.
Or maybe I shouldn’t use the word “overestimate”. Maybe a better word to use is “impatient”. Basically, you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back and you see no progress.
Therefore, you may start to think that sleeping with him will speed things up and hopefully draw him closer. But after the act, you end up becoming emotional about it.
There is no right or wrong answer here. It all boils down to how honest you are with yourself.
If you really think you can do it without any expectation and this is really what you want and you know your ex boyfriend is not using you, then go ahead.
But for most women, I will recommend that they avoid the bed.
Sleeping with your ex boyfriend is unlikely going to help you get him back. You will stand a much better chance if you apply the information I share in my newsletter. So sign up for my newsletter below now.