What to Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Wants to Be Friends
Well, it depends on what you want.
From my experience, most women who are asking this question still want their boyfriend back.
So this article will be focused on that.
This Is Not For Everyone!
Let’s face it. It is not easy to be friends with an ex.
This is a very painful situation to be in, especially if you still want him back.
Only those with a certain level of emotional strength and maturity can pull this off. You should only proceed if you know you can handle the emotional turmoil inside of you and you are absolutely sure that he is the one for you.
You must also accept the fact that even if you do everything right and tried your best, he may not want to come back.
Do you think you can handle that?
What If It Is Too Hard For You?
If you are still extremely emotional, forcing yourself to stay friends with your ex will probably do more harm than good.
If that is the case, it may be better for you to cut off contact for a while and allow yourself to heal from the breakup first.
In most cases, you don’t have to worry too much about rejecting the friendship. I am assuming that your ex boyfriend is a relatively reasonable and understanding guy.
If you just honestly tell him that you need a bit of time to heal from the breakup and can’t be friends with him for the time being, he should be able to understand.
It is not like if you say you can’t be friends with him, then you can’t contact him in one to two months time. So you don’t have to worry.
In fact, you don’t even have to say “can’t be friends with him”. Just say you need some space and he will understand.
However, once you are in control of your emotions and are ready to get in touch with him, you will have to accept the friendship if that is what he wants for the time being.
If you really want to get your boyfriend back, accepting the friendship will give you a chance to show him
that you have really changed and the relationship is going to be better.
Of course, proving to him that you are different is going to take time. You can’t just go up to your ex and tell him that you’ve changed or you are willing to change. I am pretty sure some of you have tried doing so without any success.
That is because action speaks louder than words. Your words don’t mean anything to him. He needs to see with his own eyes that you have really changed before he will even consider taking you back.
Anything That Is Worth Achieving Is Usually Not Easy
No pain no gain! I hope you don’t see it as I am trying to torture you.
I am just trying to be realistic here. Yes, not accepting the friendship is the easier thing to do. But very often, it doesn’t help you get back together with your ex boyfriend.
We shall look at an example here.
Let say your ex breaks up with you because of cultural differences, how is no contact going to help you get him back?
Do you think he is going to change his mind suddenly just because you stop contacting him? He may miss you a little bit here and there but that doesn’t mean he wants you back.
Put it this way. There are successful cross cultural marriages in the world. If he tells you he doesn’t want to marry you because of cultural differences, it simply means he is not crazy enough about you to want to even consider cross cultural marriage.
But if for some reasons, you just feel that he is the one for you, staying friends with him might be your only hope to make him fall deeply in love with you again, such that cultural differences is no longer an issue.
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How To Get Your Ex Back If He Wants To Be Friends
When your ex just wants to be friends, it is not necessary a bad thing. The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life.
If you play your cards right, it is possible to make him fall in love with you again. After all, he has loved you in the past. Therefore, he can love you again in the future.
The key to doing so is to get rid of the negative emotions between the two of you so that the love can flow again. In order to do that, you should accept the friendship.
Respect Your Ex’s Boundary
It is important to remember that you are just friends now. Therefore, it is important to respect the boundary of your ex.
Don’t expect him to meet up with you or contact you as often as when you were still together. If he does, good for you. If he doesn’t, be okay with that. That is why acceptance is important like what I mentioned in this article.
It is normal if he doesn’t want to meet you as often in the beginning. As long as you are able to make the best out of every meeting and improve your emotional connection with him, eventually he will want to meet you more often. Until then, be patient.
Important! Don’t Panic
I just want to mention this because I have received the same question so many times. Most probably, you will encounter the same situation too. So I thought it is a good idea to address the question here.
After being friends with your ex for a while and you are slowly starting to see progress, you will find your ex starting to take the initiative to contact you. Of course, when that happens, many women are very happy and full of hope.
Then suddenly, your ex stop contacting you. Many women will start to panic and lose hope when this happens.
“Oh no, what happen? I didn’t do anything wrong? I wasn’t needy or anything. Why did he stop calling?”
Hey ladies, I am here to tell you, “Don’t Worry!”
This is very normal. You have to remember this. You are not the only one who has emotions. Don’t forget that your ex is a human being too.
As much as you are anxious, he is probably as anxious as you. Maybe a part of him wants to get back together with you. Another part of him is not so sure because he is afraid to get back into the same old relationship.
That is why he is confused and anxious. Therefore, he stopped contacting you.
In fact, if you encounter this situation, you are probably in Stage 3 of getting your ex back. You can sign up for my newsletter below if you want to learn more about the various stages of getting your ex back.
You will receive this information on Day 11 of my newsletter. When you have a solid understanding of the various stages of getting your ex back, you will know what to do and what not to do during each stage. This will help you avoid a lot of unnecessary mistakes.
You Probably Did Nothing Wrong
Don’t automatically assume that you have done something wrong. Most probably, it has got to do with your ex’s emotional state, which you have no control over.
But you do have control over your own emotional state. So stay calm and don’t panic.
Of course, there is also the possibility that he just happen to be busy. That is why he stop contacting you for a while.
Remember, he is no longer your boyfriend at this moment. So he has no obligation to tell you what he is busy with.
Anyway, the main point I want to drive across to you is that your ex may suddenly stop contacting you for any number of reasons.
If there is one ability you need to cultivate in order to increase your chances of getting your ex back, it is the ability to look at things as they are without attaching your own meaning to them.
Don’t just let your negative thoughts take over and assume that you have done something wrong. Don’t just jump to conclusion.
Why It Is Important To Learn To Look At Things As They Are
First, let me explain what is looking at things as they are.
When your ex didn’t contact you, it simply means your ex didn’t contact you.
That is called looking at the situation as it is.
When you start to worry that you have done something wrong, that’s called attaching your own meaning to the situation.
Obviously, when you operate from that frame of mind, you are going to panic.
When you panic, you will not know what to do.
On the other hand, when you learn to look at the situation as it is, you can be more calm and relaxed.
When you are calm and relaxed, you can entertain more possibilities and thus come up with a better solution.
Instead of letting fear control you, now you are operating out of empathy and curiosity.
For example, when you are afraid that you have done something wrong, you are totally stuck. You don’t even dare to contact him if he doesn’t contact you again. Obviously, that is not going to help you get your ex back.
On the other hand, when you learn to look at the situation as it is, you are not hold back by fear or some arbitrary rules.
Say he contact you on Day 1 to Day 4 but didn’t do so on Day 5 to Day 7. Which rule say you can’t contact him on Day 8?
Maybe you can send a simple text message like, “Hey, I just watch Avengers. It’s a great movie. I believed you will like it too.” Then maybe he will reply you, both of you will start talking again and you will realize that your fear is unfounded.
Keep Your Emotions In Check
How well you manage your emotions during this period is going to determine your chances of getting your ex back.
I know this may sound a little bit counter intuitive to you but it is the truth. The more you can treat your ex like a friend, the more likely you are going to get him back.
In other words, you need to place his needs above yours. Respect his wish to be friends and put your desire to get him back on hold.
In a way, you can consider this as a form of true love. If you truly love and care about a person, you will not insist on getting back together when he isn’t emotionally ready to make the decision yet.
If every time you contact your ex boyfriend, your main focus is about how to get him back, without caring about how he really feels, he will be able to sense it and start resisting you.
Now, I am not going to lie to you and tell you that it is easy. Not everyone can do it. You really need to have a certain level of emotional maturity. More importantly, you need to truly care about the well being of your ex.
When you are able to do so, your ex will definitely appreciate it. Your friendship with your ex will deepen and there is a good chance that he will fall in love with you again.
Don’t Fall Into The Friend Zone
Yes, I mentioned above that the more you treat your ex boyfriend like a friend, the more likely you can win him back. However, that doesn’t mean you should let yourself fall into the friend zone.
For example, if you are simply meeting your ex for dinner every single time, then your relationship is unlikely to progress. Remember, you want to gradually make him fall in love with you again. Therefore, once both of you are comfortable with each other again, you might want to invite him for other activities such as hiking, having a roller coaster ride or even volunteer work at another country.
Sports or any activities that make you sweat provide great opportunities for you to rekindle the love with your ex. For example, when your ex is sweating, you can wipe the sweat off him, which is what couples often do. And don’t be afraid to flirt with him if the situation is right.
The keyword here is “gradually”. Obviously, you don’t try to plan an overseas trip for the first meeting after the breakup. You don’t try to flirt too much initially. You have an advantage here. You know your ex best if you have been dating him for at least a few months. You know what he enjoys doing. Therefore, you will know what activities to plan.
Learn To Have Fun and Enjoy Your Time With Your Ex
Being friends with your ex doesn’t always have to be a miserable experience, unless you decided to look at it that way.
It can be very fun and enjoyable as long as you are not too attached to the outcome of getting back together.
As much as you want to get your ex back, the more attached you are to the outcome, the less likely you are to be in the present moment. You will lose a lot of opportunities to connect with your ex on a deep emotional level which means you are less likely to get your ex back.
On the other hand, when you are not so attached to the outcome, you can be more present in your interaction with your ex because you are more relaxed.
Look at it this way. You are now dating your ex again. You are now getting to know your ex all over again. Maybe you will discover something new about your ex that you didn’t know in the past.
Shouldn’t that be an exciting and fun experience? When you can view being friends with your ex with this mindset, your ex will be influenced by you as well.
They are more likely to consider getting back together with you if they associate being together with you as “fun” and “exciting”.
You also have the chance to break old habits that caused your breakup in the first place and replace them with new, healthy habits.
This will ensure that you get back together on a solid foundation.
Know What You Are Getting Yourself Into
As much as possible, I try to be positive and encouraging because I understand how important hope is.
Without hope, people won’t even bother to try and get their ex back even if it is possible in the first place. Sometimes, all of us do need a little bit of encouragement.
That is why I always like to tell people that it is possible to get an ex back, which is true.
There are couples who do get back together in the most unlikely situation and become more loving than ever after resolving their differences.
There are also people who got their ex back even though their ex just want to be friends.
That is why if you are trying to get your ex back, you will do better if you approach it with an optimistic attitude.
It is also important to understand that it takes time.
It can take at least a few months to turn your ex from friends to lovers. I am not saying that everyone will take a few months. Some may do it faster while others will take longer.
But it is a good idea to be prepared so that you will not give up in the first few weeks.
I realized that a lot of people tend to give up too soon if they started with the wrong expectation, thinking that it will be easy.
Therefore, I would rather let you know what to expect so that you can be more patient and persistent.
When It Is Time To Move On
While it is good to be persistent, you should also know when to cut your losses.
Put it this way, if after one year, you are not seeing a progress in the relationship, it is probably time for you to move on.
Do take note. I am not telling you to try for one year. Ultimately, you are the one who decide how long you want to try. You will have to look at your own situation to decide.
I would say give it at least a few months. Of course, there are always exception. For example, if your ex makes it very clear to you that it is impossible between the two of you repeatedly, then it is a sign for you to move on.
The keyword here is “repeatedly”. Don’t just give up because he says it once or twice. You need to look at the situation.
Maybe the break up was really nasty and he is still very hurt. That is why he is very resistant to the idea of getting back together with you, at least for the time being.
Or maybe you haven’t really changed for the better and he noticed it. He hasn’t got the chance to see a better and improved version of you yet because you are still the same old you. That is why he is not considering taking you back anytime soon.
If that is the case, you should definitely start working on yourself. Start practising the skills I mentioned in this article today. The sooner you start, the sooner your ex boyfriend can see the changes in you and consider a relationship with you again.
Don’t Be Friends With Benefits
This is worth mentioning.
It is one thing to be friends with your ex but it is an entirely different matter when it comes to friends with benefits.
Being friends with benefits is not going to help you get your ex back and may even make the situation worse. So just don’t do it!
In fact, I have written an article about why it is not a good idea to sleep with your ex here.
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