Will He Come Back to Me? What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You
This is a rough one.
How to Get Him Back
You cannot always get him back after he dumps you. Sometimes, the breakup is best for both of you and your best bet is to do what you can to move on.
Okay, we’ve got the worst-case scenario out of the way. Now, let’s examine what to do in any situation except that one.
Ignore Him—at first
I just want to make it clear.
I am not telling you to flat out ignore your ex boyfriend or play mind games with him.
I am just telling you to ignore his behavior and what he says.
For example, if he tells you that he hates you and doesn’t want to get back together with you anymore, just take it with a grain a salt.
Why is that so? Well, you have to consider his emotional state when he is saying that. Most probably, he is still angry with you, that is why he is saying that to spite you. But you know what? Emotions are constantly changing.
Today, he may be angry with you. Tomorrow, he see a photo both of you took together and suddenly, he is no longer angry with you anymore. So his words, “I hate you and doesn’t want to get back together with you anymore” is no longer valid.
Also, don’t worry about his behavior. Don’t worry if he ignores you or go no contact on you.
Most guys go into No Contact mode when they break up with their girlfriends. It’s an ancient defense mechanism for guys who are unsure how to deal with certain emotions. Remember, guys don’t get to have emotions, most of the time: they’re either expected to be sexual robots primarily concerned with their WSWPH (Women Slept With Per Hour), or some kind of real-life version of Rambo. Neither of these has much room in it for being sad, or even conflicted, about a breakup.
His friends are not going to be any help in this department. They are going to believe that if he broke up with you, he had good reason—whether he did or not. They are also going to believe that if he decides that maybe he was wrong, it’s their job to talk him out of his “weak” moment (see how any conflicted emotions get quashed?) and back into his normal guy self. His “normal guy self,” at this point, includes lots of partying, outings with his buddies, hitting on as many women as possible, and lots of status updates about how super-fantastic everything is, and he is.
This is like twisting the knife in the wound for most women. The last thing in the world you want to see is your man leave you in a fiery, explosive breakup (where you both probably said a lot of nasty things you didn’t really mean), and then get right back up the next day and have everything in his life be awesome. But have faith—things are, as usual, not what they seem.
The more time he spends publicly announcing that things are great for him (and telling himself over and over that he feels awesome), the more he’s probably conflicted about the breakup. Guys all the time go out and sleep with as many women as they can, because they think that’s what they’d do if they were truly over you. They’re trying to convince themselves, and they’re probably trying to convince you, a little bit, too.
So you have to ride out this storm. It’s the roughest part of the whole game, but it’s also the most important. Calling him 57 times a day is the most surefire way to get rid of him forever.
There are two reasons for this:
The first is that those 57 calls, whatever the voicemail messages might say, send one message loud and clear: desperate.
That’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s fundamentally important. And we have to take this brutal honesty thing one step further, here: would you really want to be with someone desperate? It’s not a very attractive quality. And, as we’ll explore in-depth below, you need to be as attractive as possible right now.
The second reason is that all those calls let your ex know that you are right there, a safe bet if he ever decides that he was wrong.
If, on the other hand, you are able to control yourself, calm down and reflect on what needs to be changed, you are going to have a better chance to get your ex boyfriend back.
Working On Yourself Is The Best Thing You Can Do
Have faith that it’s the best way to make him want you back. Pamper yourself. Go out with your girlfriends, get your nails done—go and do those ‘you’ things that have nothing to do with your ex, but that you truly enjoy. Spend a few weeks just focusing on being the best and most attractive person you can possibly be. Do what makes you feel good about yourself.
Of course, don’t just focus on those external things. What is even more important is the internal transformation as mentioned in this article.
Don’t keep on checking his Facebook profile. Don’t worry too much about whether he is going to come back or whether he is going to fall in love with another woman. Those are things out of your control anyway. Worrying about those things will not help you to bring him back.
Also, don’t worry too much about using Facebook to get your ex back. Don’t waste time updating your Facebook profile, hoping that this will help you get him back. You can have the best photos in your profile and maybe that will motivate him to get back together with you.
Unfortunately, the result is probably going to be short lived. After some time, once he realized that you are still the same old person and the relationship dynamics is still the same, the reasons for the breakup are still there, he is going to leave you again.
That is what we often call the on again, off again relationship. I am pretty sure that’s not the kind of relationship you are looking for. You are going to see much better results when you put in the effort to transform yourself inside out so that you can become a better person and create a different relationship dynamics with your ex.
After a While, Try Talking
But only a little! This is the second hard part. Once things have calmed down, and both you and he have had a chance to ride out that crazy emotional storm, you can try a quick hello. The best thing to do is just drop a line—“hey, it’s been a while. How are things going?” is normally enough. But personalize it for your own conversation style; remember, you already seduced this guy once. Just being you—that best version of you—is the best possible course of action for attracting him back.
Getting a guy back after he dumps you is an art, not a science. You’ll have to make a lot of decisions for yourself. But that’s a good thing: guys don’t fall in love with formulas. They fall in love with girls. And the girls that men find most attractive are the ones that look and feel their best, whether the guy likes them or not. You may feel absolutely terrible, not only about what’s happened, but also about yourself. Getting dumped can make you feel pretty ugly and unattractive, but you know enough now to know better. If he didn’t find you attractive, he would not have started dating you in the first place. If the way he felt about you changed, it was because something in the relationship changed.
So go out there and be your absolute best self. Take the time to make you feel good about you: no formula you’re going to find on the Internet will be better than that for bringing your ex running.
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