Will My Ex Boyfriend Take Me Back After No Contact?

Recently, I received a question from a subscriber with the moniker of Queenbee.

 

Here is the question.

My ex of 4 years broke up with me saying i was too insecure and told me he wants me to get over him and prove that i can live without him and then he will come back.

We broke up a month ago and I’ve been in no contact with him for two weeks now.

Was he just pushing me so I forget about him or could he be truthful in his words? I want him back.

 

I think this is a great question because it shows you 2 very common mistakes people make when they are trying to get their ex back.

Before I continue, I just want to inform you that these are 2 of the mistakes I cover in my 27 Breakup Mistakes Checklist. You can download it here if you haven’t already.

Let’s continue.

 

Mistake 1: Taking What Your Ex Says Too Literally

Very often, I will receive this question:

My ex says we can never be together again. Do I still have a chance?

I will tell them not to take what their ex says too literally.

If you want to get your ex back, you need to understand the difference between facts and emotions.

When your ex tells you he doesn’t want to be together with you, it is not a fact. It is not cast in stone.

His words simply reflects his emotional state towards you at that time. Emotions can be changed over time.

So don’t confuse facts with emotions.

 

Now, Queenbee’s question is completely opposite of what I usually receive.

Her ex says he will come back.

My answer to her question is still the same.

Don’t take what he says too literally.

Maybe her ex is just trying to let her down gently.

Maybe her ex will really consider getting back together with her.

The problem here is I am not Charles Xavier, aka Professor X from Xmen. I have never even met her ex before.

How am I suppose to know what her ex is really thinking?

 

Of course, if I really have to guess, I will say it is more likely that her ex is just trying to let her down gently.

With that said, here is my suggestion to Queenbee or anyone who is facing similar situation.

What her ex is thinking is really not the most important when it comes to getting her ex back.

She just need to know that it simply reflects her ex’s emotional state at that point in time.

So she shouldn’t waste time trying to figure out what her ex is thinking because she is not Jean Grey.

Instead, Queenbee should focus on what she really wants. Since she wants her ex back, she should focus on the emotional connection instead of getting distracted by what her ex was telling her.

And this lead me to talk about the second mistake.

 

Mistake 2: Hoping For Things To Happen Instead of Making Things Happen

I am going to use job hunting as an analogy.

Let say Aliss is very talented in fashion design. Her dreams is to work in the top fashion company, let’s call it TFC.

The problem is, TFC doesn’t seem to be hiring at the moment. However, Aliss decided to call the company. After all, why not give it a shot.

Unfortunately, as expected, someone pick up the phone and told her they are not hiring at the moment. If there is a vacancy, they will call her. Aliss was disappointed but decided to wait, hoping that the company will call her soon.

After waiting for a few months, she still didn’t receive any call.

As each day passes, she gets more and more dejected. She started thinking that maybe she should just give up on her dreams.

In fact, she started feeling bitter about it. Why are people who are less talented than her doing better than her in life. She thinks the world is unfair.

 

Then we have Susan

Just like Aliss, Susan is very talented and also wants to work in TFC.

Just like Aliss, Susan also called the company and got the same reply.

Just like Aliss, Susan is also a bit disappointed with the reply she got.

But unlike Aliss, Susan didn’t allow one negative experience to stop her from pursuing her dreams.

She understands that the company may or may not call her. So she is not going to take any chances and just wait and hope for the company to call her.

After all, even if she got a call from the company, there is no guarantee that she will get hired. She will still need to go through the interviews.

 

So she started to do whatever she can to increase her chances of getting hired.

She started a blog to showcase her design. She also mentioned on her blog about her desire to work in TFC.

She started signing up for classes and read books that will help her improve her skills in various areas, such as interview, fashion design and getting visitors to her blog.

Eventually, a high level executive from the company found Susan’s blog and was impressed by her talent, and more importantly, her attitude.

Susan was hired immediately without the need to go through an interview, even though she was already well prepared for the interview. It doesn’t hurt to overprepare right?

On the other hand, Aliss is still blaming the world for her “misfortune”.

 

You may be wondering why I am using this story as an analogy.

Here is why.

Many people are just like Aliss when they are trying to get their ex back.

One reply of no vacancy from the company is enough to stop Aliss in her track.

If you look at Aliss’s situation very objectively, you can see that she only made one very feeble attempt to get the job.

She only called the company once and after one failed attempt, she lost her courage to try again.

She is afraid of getting rejected and hurt again.

Aliss is playing not to lose.

Susan faces the same situation as Aliss.

However, Susan is playing to win. She responded to the situation vey differently and got a much better result.

 

You Don’t Need Other People’s Permission To Love Someone

If you want to get your ex back, you need to be like Susan.

Be proactive and focus on doing things that can increase your chances of getting your ex back.

You don’t need permission from anyone to love your ex, including your ex.

Just like Susan doesn’t need permission from the company to go after her dreams.

 

But You Still Need Your Ex’s Permission To Get Back Together Right?

Yes, I know you will ask this question.

That’s why in the first part of this article, I spend so much time educating you on the difference between facts and emotions.

Right now, your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you because the emotional connection is not strong enough yet.

So that’s the main thing you need to focus on. You need to develop your relationship skills so that you become an expert in emotional connection.

Yes, eventually you will need your ex’s permission to get back together.

However, you don’t need your ex’s permission to get started, to start developing your relationship and emotional management skills.

Just like Susan need the company’s permission to get hired.

However, Susan doesn’t need the company’s permission to start her blog in order to increase her chances of getting hired.

In fact, don’t be surprised. Once you get really good at connecting with your ex emotionally, your ex will be the one asking you for permission to get back together with you.

 

Here Is My Suggestion To Anyone Facing The Same Situation As Queenbee

Don’t panic over what your ex tells you after the breakup.

Your ex can tell you they don’t want to get back together.

Your ex can tell you they are not sure.

Your ex can tell you they will come back.

Don’t lose your direction simply because of a few sentences from your ex.

Your job here is to be as objective as you can and learn to connect with the emotions behind their words.

Don’t take the words too literally. The emotional context behind the words is a lot more important.

Obviously, before you can be truly objective, you need to learn how to manage your own emotions first.

 

The 80/20 Principle of Getting Your Ex Back

Getting your ex back is just like most things in life.

20% of the things you do will give you 80% of the results. The numbers may vary, such as 75/25, 70/30 etc. but the main point is, there are a few things you do that can give you most of your results.

So your job is to figure out what are 20% things you should focus on.

The good news is I have already figured out most of them for you.

But first, let me tell you what you shouldn’t waste your time on.

Don’t waste your time learning all kinds of tactics to get your ex back.

I know there are a lot of websites out there teaching you all kinds of ninja tactics or mind games to get your ex back.

I won’t be surprised if you have already wasted a few months researching the internet for free information before you found my website.

If these tactics really work, you won’t be reading this article in the first place.

 

I believe you know intuitively that mind games are not the foundation of a healthy relationship.

That is why I encourage you to spend at least 80% of your time developing your relationship skills.

The relationship skills are the 20% things you should be focusing on.

It is only through improving your relationship skills that you can successfully connect with your ex on the emotional level.

That is the only way to get your ex back in a healthy way, in a way where the relationship will last.

The last thing you want to do is to take shortcut, use those tactics to get your ex back temporarily, only to breakup again because you didn’t fix the root of the problem, which is a lack of emotional connection.

 

What Relationship Skills Should You Develop?

I talked about some of the skills in this article, What It Really Takes To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back, so I won’t talk about them here. You can read that article for more information.

I also talked about them in my newsletter. If you are interested, you can sign up for my newsletter below if you haven’t already.

 

How To Learn These Relationship Skills?

The best way to learn these relationship skills is to sign up for Ex Solution Program and join the private community Modern Love Association so that you can get mentoring from experienced relationship coaches.

Alternatively, if you are on a tight budget, then spend some time in the library and look for books that teaches those skills.

With that said, if you can afford it, I highly recommend that you consider signing up for the Ex Solution Program and join Modern Love Association.

Here is why.

Information alone will not help you get your ex back.

It is the correct implementation of the information that will help you.

While you can find many good books in the library that teaches you the various relationship skills, these books are not specifically written for getting your ex back.

These books will not be able to warn you about the potential problems you will face when you are trying to get your ex back.

That’s why you need a mentor to guide you and give you feedback.

Otherwise, how are you going to know whether you are doing the right things?

Who are you going to ask for help when you encounter obstacles?

I do not know of anyone who doesn’t encounter obstacles when they are trying to get their ex back.

Don’t be like Aliss and just wait for things to happen to you.

Be like Susan.

Be proactive. Improve your knowledge and relationship skills, get a mentor to guide you so that you can make things happen and get your ex back.

You Can Get Started Here

 

What If I Just Found Your Website?

Well, if this is the first time you are visiting my website, I understand that you may not trust me and my recommendation yet.

That’s alright. I don’t expect you to make a decision immediately.

While you are still deciding, you can sign up for my free newsletter first. You will also get my 27 breakup mistakes checklist once you signed up. You can also check out my review of Ex Solution Program here and here.

I have subscribers who started getting progress with their ex after consuming and applying the free information that I share in my newsletter.

Subscribing to my newsletter will save you a lot of time and is much better than doing research on your own.

When you do research on your own, you may end up finding information that makes your situation worse. Most people spend a few weeks to a few months researching information on the search engines only to get more and more confused.

When you sign up for my newsletter, I can send you proven information. I can also help you gain clarity on what to focus on.

I am also in the process of preparing an educational case study. Once the case study is done, I will send it to you. You will learn more from this case study than doing research yourself for 3 months. I am not exaggerating here. You will understand why after you read the case study.

This case study is for subscribers only. Sign up for my newsletter below if you want to receive the case study. I will send it to you once it is completed, probably on the 3rd week of June.

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